DRAMA

[Coriolis]

I’ve noticed, in both my personal and professional life, that people will gravitate towards interpersonal drama given the opportunity. This is something I’ve witnessed on the forums I’ve been on as well.

"People"? What people? I find sigificant variation in people's interest in drama and willingness to get involved.

I have a theory about this. I think it’s because interpersonal drama or conflict is something that is easy for everyone to relate to and provide input on. It’s natural. It’s easy. I think people do it because it’s easier than trying to fix more complicated problems. A lot of problems I’ve seen, be it workplace or personal have really complicated and time consuming solutions, they take time and commitment to work on and often collaboration, but it can be easier to pick a different fight and give the appearance of having a “win”.

It may be easier to see a solution, but it is harder because too many people are resistant to implementing it. Drana is generally a problem of our own creation, the proverbial tale of sound and fury.

Well, it's always easier to weigh in on things you aren't actually involved with -- whether it be relationships, conflict, other sorts of 'drama' - as you're not emotionally invested or biased with it.

It's basically no different from us 'seeing' the pitfalls of other peoples' relationships or selves, having more clarity often-times and objectiveness, vs the person who's immersed or buried alive in it.

So that might play into why everyone piles onto 'drama' when it occurs, assuming they're not part of the drama.

So yes, to tie into the OP, we all can relate, and it's 'easy' when it's not your own drama.

To echo [MENTION=29849]Yuu[/MENTION], no - I cannot relate. I have no interest in drama, and prefer not to waste time and effort on it. The only thing that makes "my" drama more difficult is the people who try to make it mine by insisting I get involved. If I were not a moderator here, I would ignore forum drama. In RL, I try to get at what the real problem is, assuming there is one, and address that.

Do you always feel a need to interject when you see someone using absolute terms like 'everyone' about something you don't think you relate to, despite there being nothing that specifically targets you?

You might as well ask why people feel a need to use absolute terms for situations that are far from absolute. This is not a matter of taking personal offense, but rather of simple accuracy.

This is not unrelated to the topic, in that I find much drama results from people making personal something that is not.

 

[cascadeco]

"People"? What people? I find sigificant variation in people's interest in drama and willingness to get involved.


It may be easier to see a solution, but it is harder because too many people are resistant to implementing it. Drana is generally a problem of our own creation, the proverbial tale of sound and fury.


To echo [MENTION=29849]Yuu[/MENTION], no - I cannot relate. I have no interest in drama, and prefer not to waste time and effort on it. The only thing that makes "my" drama more difficult is the people who try to make it mine by insisting I get involved. If I were not a moderator here, I would ignore forum drama. In RL, I try to get at what the real problem is, assuming there is one, and address that.


You might as well ask why people feel a need to use absolute terms for situations that are far from absolute. This is not a matter of taking personal offense, but rather of simple accuracy.

This is not unrelated to the topic, in that I find much drama results from people making personal something that is not.

Goodness, it seems I should have added a big disclaimer stating I don't personally enjoy drama either. I also didn't think it was implicit in my post that my words meant that Everyone Is Interested in Drama.

What I meant was that we all (and I do believe that is true) have experience with drama and with what it is like to be personally involved in 'drama' - and the difference inherent between a situation where one is personally involved and one where one is not personally invested and is thus an 'outsider' simply observing from a lofty vantage point. It is 'easy' to toss out opinions and judgment from this lofty non-involved position, and I was hypothesizing/musing that that is probably a big contributor to people piling onto 'drama'. I am using 'drama' very loosely btw. As 'they' say, opinions are a dime a dozen and most* people like to slip theirs in. Like I said in my response to Yuu, it appears my original post was too vague and unclear.

*note I didn't say 'everyone'

 

[Coriolis]

Goodness, it seems I should have added a big disclaimer stating I don't personally enjoy drama either. I also didn't think it was implicit in my post that my words meant that Everyone Is Interested in Drama.

So that might play into why everyone piles onto 'drama' when it occurs, assuming they're not part of the drama.

So yes, to tie into the OP, we all can relate, and it's 'easy' when it's not your own drama.

Well, it is hard to read something as other than a generalization when it specifies "everyone" and "we all", especially when tied to actions like piling onto drama.

What I meant was that we all (and I do believe that is true) have experience with drama and with what it is like to be personally involved in 'drama' - and the difference inherent between a situation where one is personally involved and one where one is not personally invested and is thus an 'outsider' simply observing from a lofty vantage point. It is 'easy' to toss out opinions and judgment from this lofty non-involved position, and I was hypothesizing/musing that that is probably a big contributor to people piling onto 'drama'. I am using 'drama' very loosely btw. As 'they' say, opinions are a dime a dozen and most* people like to slip theirs in. Like I said in my response to Yuu, it appears my original post was too vague and unclear.

Sure - I think it is safe to say we have all experienced drama, in the sense of having it go on around us, and having to react to it somehow even if that reaction is to stay out of it and do our best to ignore it. The point I was trying to make, though, is that one never has to get personally involved. The option of viewing the situation from an outsider's perspective (or taking no interest at all) is always available and makes a good deal of sense. In fact, the ability to view one's own troubles in this manner is a valuable skill.

 

[cascadeco]

Well, it is hard to read something other than a generalization when it specifies "everyone" and "we all", especially when tied to actions like piling onto drama.

Ah, this is just a takeaway for me that I come across way more extreme than I probably actually am; I am definitely not super precise with my language.

Sure - I think it is safe to say we have all experienced drama, in the sense of having it go on around us, and having to react to it somehow even if that reaction is to stay out of it and do our best to ignore it. The point I was trying to make, though, is that one never has to get personally involved. The option of viewing the situation from an outsider's perspective (or taking no interest at all) is always available and makes a good deal of sense. In fact, the ability to view one's own troubles in this manner is a valuable skill.

No disagreements here, really. Again I was just hypothesizing reasons for participating and the temptations to do so. I tend to avoid most of it usually but sometimes I do not. But yes it's 100% a choice.

 

[mgbradsh]

"People"? What people? I find sigificant variation in people's interest in drama and willingness to get involved.

I guess people that I know personally or that I work with. I’ve noticed at times people that don’t want to get involved might get dragged into it. I think it’s part of the human experience, almost without fail, to get involved in interpersonal conflict at some point in their lives, whether they want to or not.

It may be easier to see a solution, but it is harder because too many people are resistant to implementing it. Drana is generally a problem of our own creation, the proverbial tale of sound and fury.

Sometimes as simple as competing interests. The initial cause of the conflict can easily be lost as things escalate. It might be something pretty small or innocuous, but grows into something else.

To echo [MENTION=29849]Yuu[/MENTION], no - I cannot relate. I have no interest in drama, and prefer not to waste time and effort on it. The only thing that makes "my" drama more difficult is the people who try to make it mine by insisting I get involved. If I were not a moderator here, I would ignore forum drama. In RL, I try to get at what the real problem is, assuming there is one, and address that.

You’re probably a good example of someone getting dragged into it then

I would say to some extent in your role as a moderator you’d probably prefer to work on the positive aspects of the forum, but sometimes find the requirements of your role as a moderator at odds with that. It’s an unfortunate part of the role, and given the constraints of time my guess based on your response is that it’s not how you love to spend your time.

This is not unrelated to the topic, in that I find much drama results from people making personal something that is not.

Which is interesting in and of itself, no?

 

[1487610420]

You might as well ask why people feel a need to use absolute terms for situations that are far from absolute. This is not a matter of taking personal offense, but rather of simple accuracy.

This is not unrelated to the topic, in that I find much drama results from people making personal something that is not.

Often people don't care about precision, for any number of reasons, be it informal setting, or where simply language mirrors the gist of their reasoning, notwithstanding room for/awareness of the existence of more nuance and detail. And I think most of the time it's fine, as most people can get the idea without getting worked up about that imprecision.

It's the outliers, like people having a chip on their shoulder, paranoid, or looking for a bone to pick, that can get triggered with that, IMO, which is often a catalyst for drama.

 

[Yuurei]

Often people don't care about precision, for any number of reasons, be it informal setting, or where simply language mirrors the gist of their reasoning, notwithstanding room for/awareness of the existence of more nuance and detail. And I think most of the time it's fine, as most people can get the idea without getting worked up about that imprecision.

It's the outliers, like people having a chip on their shoulder, paranoid, or looking for a bone to pick, that can get triggered with that, IMO, which is often a catalyst for drama.

You can disagree without being triggered.

For you to assume a person expressing their own veiwpoint means they are triggered/traumatized/ paranoid or “creating drama” probably says more about you than anyone else.

 

[1487610420]

You can disagree without being triggered.

I can.

Why you automatically assume a person expressing their own veiwpoint means they are triggered/traumatized/ paranoid or “creating” probably says more about you than anyone else.

Why anyone does anything evidently says more about them than about anyone else indeed. Water is wet. For those not paying attention, dense, or easily manipulated, I'll highlight that the implicit insinuation in your post about my assumptions is false.

 

[Luminous]

I strongly disagree that all people can choose to not be involved in drama. What if you're a minor, and it's your parents? Or what if you're the caretaker for your parents, and your siblings cause drama centered on them? What if your teenager gets arrested for something? What if someone is assaulted in front of you?

 

[Yuurei]

I strongly disagree that all people can choose to not be involved in drama. What if you're a minor, and it's your parents? Or what if you're the caretaker for your parents, and your siblings cause drama centered on them? What if your teenager gets arrested for something? What if someone is assaulted in front of you?

I think this is a problem with the definition of "Drama". Your specific examples are actual problems. Drama is not itself a problem but a reaction to a problem. You can deal with a problem without being dramatic about it.

 

[Earl Grey]

I have a theory about this. I think it’s because interpersonal drama or conflict is something that is easy for everyone to relate to and provide input on. It’s natural. It’s easy. I think people do it because it’s easier than trying to fix more complicated problems. A lot of problems I’ve seen, be it workplace or personal have really complicated and time consuming solutions, they take time and commitment to work on and often collaboration, but it can be easier to pick a different fight and give the appearance of having a “win”.

'Easier'? Sounds fairly relative. For one, interpersonal drama is way too complex (and not in a good way) for me to even bother with, and is much more complicated, or adds to whatever complications I already have. Generally speaking, we can't ever tell for sure what someone is thinking, so if they don't shoot straight, I won't bother catching. Extending my energy to focus on other people's drama... That does not give me anything. Picking a 'different fight' is just adding more unnecessary garbage.

From what I observe in others though, generally speaking, people who incite or are involved in drama of the worst kinds are usually ones with some kind of personal involvement, real or imagined, as well as the sensitivity to react to it. A battle to tear down another's ego to protect one's own, and 'ego' here is not always arrogance, rather a general sense of 'self'. If they hound and persist enough, it's usually because they want to make a point or prove something, and the ones done in a more explosive and less civil manner is drama.

I might try to quantify it in both cases, in real life using time and on forums using posts, it seems to heavily weigh towards drama when it’s around.

We hear the loud ones.

 

[Betty Blue]

I remember my sister saying that i attracted drama subconsciously. I think there is some truth to that, growing up with it it is a painful source of familiarity. That's not to say I get actively involved in drama wherever i see it, often i am able to gtfo. More applicable are the laws of attraction in a twisted way. I think this can apply to many other people too. Phobes put it well stating triggers, but also familiar things. It is impossible for people to be completely objective.

Anyone who thinks they can dissect something without any personal bias is deluding themselves a little. Of course there will be those who appear to be completely objective to others and interpersonal identification will also play a part but internally something else will occur and each of these interactions shapes us internally.

Some people will avoid drama more than others but even living a solitary life in nature will have drama, maybe not with other people but nature itself.

 

[Tomb1]

I strongly disagree that all people can choose to not be involved in drama. What if you're a minor, and it's your parents? Or what if you're the caretaker for your parents, and your siblings cause drama centered on them? What if your teenager gets arrested for something? What if someone is assaulted in front of you?

I've seen strangers assaulted in front of me and not bothered. If it were my parents or a family member, well that's a different story. But I would not be stepping in to get involved with the drama....I would be stepping in to dish out the grisly consequence (the drama is in the past at that point; now its time to pay the piper).

Any response like that is still a choice, just a really easy one... It's like you get dealt a hand of gin. You gin out. It's a no-brainer choice to play the hand that way but still a choice.

 

[Maou]

Drama is a proxy for tribal warfare.

 

[Lib]

I guess people that I know personally or that I work with. I’ve noticed at times people that don’t want to get involved might get dragged into it. I think it’s part of the human experience, almost without fail, to get involved in interpersonal conflict at some point in their lives, whether they want to or not.

There is no such thing as 'whether you want to or not'. If one refuses to use their freedom of choice, it's still a choice! I do agree that it could be a part of the personal development, but when it becomes a lifestyle, that indicates a problem.

Sometimes as simple as competing interests. The initial cause of the conflict can easily be lost as things escalate. It might be something pretty small or innocuous, but grows into something else.

Healthy individuals direct their growth in other directions. The inclination towards drama is a flaw, not a healthy behavior, even if we all are predisposed to it, some more than others. That being said, sometimes 'drama' is the only way to make people think, by picking the wounds they simply refuse to heal.

 

[mgbradsh]

There is no such thing as 'whether you want to or not'. If one refuses to use their freedom of choice, it's still a choice! I do agree that it could be a part of the personal development, but when it becomes a lifestyle, that indicates a problem.

Children whose parents divorce or a manager with two staff people that are at odds are two examples that come quickly to mind.

Our relationships are rarely as easy as on or off. I agree they can be, including both of my examples, but I would say in most cases people will choose to work through the conflict rather than dismiss it.

 

[Lib]

Children whose parents divorce or a manager with two staff people that are at odds are two examples that come quickly to mind.

Our relationships are rarely as easy as on or off. I agree they can be, including both of my examples, but I would say in most cases people will choose to work through the conflict rather than dismiss it.

By 'drama' you mean conflicts? I don't see it that way. Drama is when people make a personal issues out of it and it comes from poor parenting. Agreed, kids don't really have a choice, but a boss certainly has many options. If 'drama' erupts in professional environment, it's company's culture problem, not interpersonal problem.

 

[mgbradsh]

By 'drama' you mean conflicts? I don't see it that way. Drama is when people make a personal issues out of it and it comes from poor parenting. Agreed, kids don't really have a choice, but a boss certainly has many options. If 'drama' erupts in professional environment, it's company's culture problem, not interpersonal problem.

I wouldn’t be comfortable universally accepting those two inferences.

 

[Lib]

I wouldn’t be comfortable universally accepting those two inferences.

There are always exceptions but they are rather rare. It's safe to generalize for the average case. For example, a boss should have enough power to simply remove or punish in some way, explicitly or implicitly, the 'drama' makers. If they wished to join the circus instead, may be they shouldn't be a boss. For one, in order to have drama you need to tolerate gossip.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

By 'drama' you mean conflicts? I don't see it that way. Drama is when people make a personal issues out of it and it comes from poor parenting. Agreed, kids don't really have a choice, but a boss certainly has many options. If 'drama' erupts in professional environment, it's company's culture problem, not interpersonal problem.

That's not the definition of drama.