Do you think you’re emotionally needy?

[Luminous]

It's not really a question of measurement, but whether or not you feel as though you are asking more than you think you should.

This is a complex issue. I don't think I ask for more than I should, but that is likely because I have expectations that people in certain spheres of my life are going to provide an emotional connection. That may be how they end up in the sphere they are in - trust, being able to communicate at a deeper level, being able to lean on each other, support.

I think it's likely that on average people would say I am needy with certain people. Because, with people in the inner spheres, I want to have connections that are deeper than average. And that requires give and take.

There's also the issue of what kind of validation we're speaking of. Romantic love? Desirability? Intelligence? Competence? And how we need to have the validation communicated... Verbally? Publicly? Privately? Subtly?

 

[Tilt]

In certain ways, yes. But, at the same time, I am fairly emotionally distant...people rarely know the extent of my anxiety.

 

[senza tema]

Not anymore, I'm not.

 

[Hiraeth]

No. If anything, I should be more emotionally open with others because I'm naturally very closed off. It's usually when I'm having a dilemma of sorts where I'd seek support from someone close to me. Or if I'm feeling insecure about something, then I'd ask them for reassurance/clarification. With that said, I was more emotionally needy as teenager compared to now.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I decided to ask my boyfriend so I could be sure I wasn't lying to myself. He said I'm not typically emotionally needy, but we both agreed that I need someone who can help me manage my emotions (talk me down from a ledge) in a logical but sympathetic manner. Basically, it's best I have a caring hand to help me manage stress.

To some, I suppose that would be needy.

 

[Galena]

Deep down, yes, but I am absolutely aware that it can be too much and am willing to carefully measure it out, just deal with going without, or even live life a little differently from others to manage it and its impact on the world. I do not expect outlets for it, and where I can remove the filter, do not expect that it's something I can do regularly. Those who have given me feedback in these terms don't see me as needy.

 

[cascadeco]

I decided to ask my boyfriend so I could be sure I wasn't lying to myself. He said I'm not typically emotionally needy, but we both agreed that I need someone who can help me manage my emotions (talk me down from a ledge) in a logical but sympathetic manner. Basically, it's best I have a caring hand to help me manage stress.

To some, I suppose that would be needy.

This might be true of me as well.

But I think probably generally, via how I was raised / the sorts of parents I had (non-sharing/ non-emotional), as well as just my own introversion and fact I've lived on my own for a really long time, I'm on the other end, where people would rather I be more 'emotionally needy'.

 

[1487610420]

yep, totes, 100%, af

 

[Bush]

I hate sharing my feelings, and I don't really like other people's feelings. Like, not because I don't care, but because I don't know how to handle them. I want to help them, but I don't know what to say. I still want people to feel like they can come to me with their problems, but I don't think I'm of too too much use in that respect. Maybe I'm too critical of myself in this respect 🤷.
-Kanye69

You're probably not giving yourself enough credit.

I like helping people. I like helping arm folks with tools that give them peace in their situation and confidence to act. What I had to learn, though, is that if someone's suffering some emotional turmoil, then their 'problem' isn't actually the problem right then, at that immediate moment -- those negative feelings are. So if I jump into advice-giving mode straight away, I'm working on the wrong problem.

Some folks how to handle others' feelings -- kissing boo-boos and fixing up some hot cocoa and all. Not me; I'm not that intimate, I'll never be that intimate, and I don't have a damn clue on how to navigate those waters. But since I'm pretty calm by nature, I can offer up a pressure relief valve. It's not a direct fix, but it's a catalyst for it.

So my go-to tactic is to give them room to talk it out, chiming in with some honest solidarity where I can ("that sounds awful!" .. if something actually does sound awful). As the conversation rolls on, I also learn more about the 'problem' itself.

Build your similarities before you point out your differences. Establish enough common ground that it becomes clear to them that you're looking at the 'problem' in the same way. And when you're both at the point where the 'problem' is the problem, then you can work your 'problem'-solving magic.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

yep, totes, 100%, af

I've actually been meaning to talk to you about this...

 

[Arcayne]

Nope, actually I have been told I should care about others opinions more...always have been a very free spirit, uncontrolled, and all I need is my own approval.

 

[LittleCat]

Some validation now and again is nice, but more than that and it gets annoying.

 

[The Cat]

 

[rav3n]

Not at all when I'm certain of a partner but I do have trust issues if there's uncertainty. When this happens, they're asked and if they're lying/gaslighting, I cut bait without regret.

 

[neko 4]

In some ways, yes. My feelings are easily hurt. But in other ways, I don't care about what others think, especially if they mean nothing to me.

 

[Tina&Jane]

I do need reassurance from time to time because I tend to self-doubt, but otherwise I'm pretty independent. I need a lot of space and alone time so I don't deal well with emotional neediness in others. I tend to feel suffocated and will usually begin to distance myself and withdraw. I've had to learn how to be more open with others about what I'm feeling and recognize that it's okay to lean on others for emotional support, although I've sometimes misjudged people and have opened up to others who don't have my best interests in mind.

 

[Maou]

No, but recognition is nice sometimes.

 

[Ghost]

No, I don't think so. I asked my mom, and she doesn't think I am, either. It's weird because I'm emotional, sometimes very sensitive, but I don't need validation, just space.

I do relate to what [MENTION=7842]Z Buck McFate[/MENTION] said, so if wanting others to be even-tempered is needy, then yeah.

 

[Jaguar]

No.

 

[punkermit]

Nah ... that's sx first territory. I am sx last.