[ENFP] Delayed emotional response

[pinkgraffiti]

Hi!

I'm wondering if I'm the only one: I've noticed I have a delayed emotional response to just about all situations. Examples:
1) i got bad news today. I knew it was bad but since Im not the only person involved my first reaction was how to minimise damage and tell the other person. I felt like I paused my emotional response willingly. It took me 2 hours to react and now Im alone and feeling gutted.
2) yesterday i was watching a movie and when it ended my INFP partner wanted to talk about it, but I never do because I dont know how I feel about movies right after they end.
3) when there are emergency situations Im usually calm and collected and just worry about how to solve things. Only when the problem is gone do I get emotional.

What is going on? I know Im an Ne-dom and an Fi and Te user. Are my functions fucked up or do other ENFPs feel like this?

 

[Ovid]

I can relate to part of this. For emergencies my emotions don't happen until after the event. At the time an emergency is going on all I can see is what needs to be done.

Outside of an emergency there's no delay.

 

[INFP-IMMORTAL]

There is a common misconception about both ENFP's and INFP's but the explanation is easy.

 

[INFP-IMMORTAL]

ENFP's have their cognitive order as follows: NeFi-TeSi-the rest is moot... Note the Si function... Se regards the moment, but Si the memories after sorting them out.. I have a son who is ENFP but I am INFP - the delayed response is the most difficult thing to connect with as an INFP is FiNe-SeTi (contrary to John Beebe's predicted order - but it is obvious even to you... your INFP partner is much more in the moment, not Si like you, and much more attentive that way.

The full orders are: ENFP Ne Fi - Te Si - Ni Fe - Ti Se and INFP: Fi Ne - Se Ti - Fe Ni - Si Te - and incidentally, the Te throws a wrench in connecting well too, nevertheless - differences are often complimentary - despite introducing communication difficulties and many surprising differences that may be frustrating...

Personally, I don't think ENFP and INFP make a good match for me - too similar in strong processes found in both, and conflictingly different thereafter... They make much better friends than lovers in my opinion, and genetically - if you could have children or wanted to, too similar so as to produce freak children.

 

[Frosty]

ENFP's have their cognitive order as follows: NeFi-TeSi-the rest is moot... Note the Si function... Se regards the moment, but Si the memories after sorting them out.. I have a son who is ENFP but I am INFP - the delayed response is the most difficult thing to connect with as an INFP is FiNe-SeTi (contrary to John Beebe's predicted order - but it is obvious even to you... your INFP partner is much more in the moment, not Si like you, and much more attentive that way.

The full orders are: ENFP Ne Fi - Te Si - Ni Fe - Ti Se and INFP: Fi Ne - Se Ti - Fe Ni - Si Te - and incidentally, the Te throws a wrench in connecting well too, nevertheless - differences are often complimentary - despite introducing communication difficulties and many surprising differences that may be frustrating...

How can a type have two external perception functions back to back? Could you explain further?

 

[violet_crown]

Hi!

I'm wondering if I'm the only one: I've noticed I have a delayed emotional response to just about all situations. Examples:
1) i got bad news today. I knew it was bad but since Im not the only person involved my first reaction was how to minimise damage and tell the other person. I felt like I paused my emotional response willingly. It took me 2 hours to react and now Im alone and feeling gutted.
2) yesterday i was watching a movie and when it ended my INFP partner wanted to talk about it, but I never do because I dont know how I feel about movies right after they end.
3) when there are emergency situations Im usually calm and collected and just worry about how to solve things. Only when the problem is gone do I get emotional.

What is going on? I know Im an Ne-dom and an Fi and Te user. Are my functions fucked up or do other ENFPs feel like this?

FWIW, I think this is an Fi/Te thing as I relate to it very strongly. I call it my "boomerang effect" where the longer something takes to process and really hit me, the worst the wave usually is gonna be. It's been something that's important to manage in relationships as something could happen, I would say I'm ok with it, only to realize later I actually really wasn't.

Either way, you're totally not alone in this.

 

[Poki]

ENFP's have their cognitive order as follows: NeFi-TeSi-the rest is moot... Note the Si function... Se regards the moment, but Si the memories after sorting them out.. I have a son who is ENFP but I am INFP - the delayed response is the most difficult thing to connect with as an INFP is FiNe-SeTi (contrary to John Beebe's predicted order - but it is obvious even to you... your INFP partner is much more in the moment, not Si like you, and much more attentive that way.

The full orders are: ENFP Ne Fi - Te Si - Ni Fe - Ti Se and INFP: Fi Ne - Se Ti - Fe Ni - Si Te - and incidentally, the Te throws a wrench in connecting well too, nevertheless - differences are often complimentary - despite introducing communication difficulties and many surprising differences that may be frustrating...

Personally, I don't think ENFP and INFP make a good match for me - too similar in strong processes found in both, and conflictingly different thereafter... They make much better friends than lovers in my opinion, and genetically - if you could have children or wanted to, too similar so as to produce freak children.

Dom Fi judges quicker as Si is in same introverted plane.

I agree that we need opposite as it helps even things out. Kicker is take complete opposite letters, like for me ISTP-ENFJ and you are stuck with same functions, just different order.

 

[Poki]

ENFP's have their cognitive order as follows: NeFi-TeSi-the rest is moot... Note the Si function... Se regards the moment, but Si the memories after sorting them out.. I have a son who is ENFP but I am INFP - the delayed response is the most difficult thing to connect with as an INFP is FiNe-SeTi (contrary to John Beebe's predicted order - but it is obvious even to you... your INFP partner is much more in the moment, not Si like you, and much more attentive that way.

The full orders are: ENFP Ne Fi - Te Si - Ni Fe - Ti Se and INFP: Fi Ne - Se Ti - Fe Ni - Si Te - and incidentally, the Te throws a wrench in connecting well too, nevertheless - differences are often complimentary - despite introducing communication difficulties and many surprising differences that may be frustrating...

Personally, I don't think ENFP and INFP make a good match for me - too similar in strong processes found in both, and conflictingly different thereafter... They make much better friends than lovers in my opinion, and genetically - if you could have children or wanted to, too similar so as to produce freak children.

Ne dom is quicker to talk objectively, but its really talking out of ass as it doesn't apply subjectively when talking about themselves. It's like they are in third person, yet don't know who the hell they really are. It's why when close to an ENFP you can argue who they are with them and win.

 

[Kanra Jest]

I have delayed emotional responses as well. It's what I get criticized about every so often. Or just not enough reaction. Both, especially if I'm concentrating on something or even thinking.. which, well, is always.

 

[Starry]

FWIW, I think this is an Fi/Te thing as I relate to it very strongly. I call it my "boomerang effect" where the longer something takes to process and really hit me, the worst the wave usually is gonna be. It's been something that's important to manage in relationships as something could happen, I would say I'm ok with it, only to realize later I actually really wasn't.

Either way, you're totally not alone in this.

I actually don't have this...but I think it's a 7 thing... as in Rex = 8w7...

er... wait that wasn't my...


I see 7s do this all the time. They won't allow the emotion in until they either understand that it is "safe" to do so...or subconsciously know they have achieved the needed distance from the event in question, etc.

I'm a "damage control" kind of 7 in that I have no mechanism that prevents me from feeling and so if it's especially painful I do what I can to distract myself after the fact.

 

[violet_crown]

I actually don't have this...but I think it's a 7 thing... as in Rex = 8w7...

er... wait that wasn't my...


I see 7s do this all the time. They won't allow the emotion in until they either understand that it is "safe" to do so...or subconsciously know they have achieved the needed distance from the event in question, etc.

I'm a "damage control" kind of 7 in that I have no mechanism that prevents me from feeling and so if it's especially painful I do what I can to distract myself after the fact.

That's actually a pretty fascinating point. I had never thought about it as a 7 thing. I know that there's a part of me that worries about drowning in my emotions, but I just thought that was more inferior Fi than enneagram.

 

[Anomoly]

Ne dom is quicker to talk objectively, but its really talking out of ass as it doesn't apply subjectively when talking about themselves. It's like they are in third person, yet don't know who the hell they really are. It's why when close to an ENFP you can argue who they are with them and win.

I've so just experienced this^ I can dwell on what someone says and start to morph into what they see!

 

[Starry]

That's actually a pretty fascinating point. I had never thought about it as a 7 thing. I know that there's a part of me that worries about drowning in my emotions, but I just thought that was more inferior Fi than enneagram.

Well, keep in mind that I'm only pretending to know what I'm talking about ha-ha. I was so surprised though when I learned that you typed as 8w9 because in my pretend world you seem 8w7 to me. But an 8 with either wing would not wish to be controlled by their emotions I would imagine.

I could see inferior Fi doing this for the ENTJ as well.

 

[BadOctopus]

Oh wow. I have noticed this a lot in the ENFPs in my life. They are typically very calm and dependable during a crisis, and it's only after the crisis has passed that all their emotions hit them at once. When my best friend's mom was dying, she was a rock for everyone else in her family. I couldn't believe how calm and collected she was. After her mom passed away, I kept asking her how she was doing, and she would say she was fine. And she genuinely believed she was fine. And then one day it finally hit her, and she completely broke down.

I think it is a defense mechanism, and it's one I can identify with. When I'm dealing with some kind of trauma or crisis, I feel like I can't allow myself to give in to my emotions until it's safe for me to do so. Otherwise, they might overwhelm me, and I'll be completely useless.

 

[á´…eparted]

It's happened to me before, but it's rare. Most of the time if I have a "delayed reaction", which isn't often either, it's because experience has allowed me to suppress it. When I no longer suppress it (willingly or not) it comes out, but I'm able to see I felt it all along.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I don't really have a delayed emotional response. What I've learned to do is to control my certain reactions in many situations.

 

[andresimon]

Hi!

I'm wondering if I'm the only one: I've noticed I have a delayed emotional response to just about all situations. Examples:
1) i got bad news today. I knew it was bad but since Im not the only person involved my first reaction was how to minimise damage and tell the other person. I felt like I paused my emotional response willingly. It took me 2 hours to react and now Im alone and feeling gutted.
2) yesterday i was watching a movie and when it ended my INFP partner wanted to talk about it, but I never do because I dont know how I feel about movies right after they end.
3) when there are emergency situations Im usually calm and collected and just worry about how to solve things. Only when the problem is gone do I get emotional.

What is going on? I know Im an Ne-dom and an Fi and Te user. Are my functions fucked up or do other ENFPs feel like this?

Your emotions are not delayed the situation is just new to you. If situations where you have have concluded right and wrong, good and bad, yes or no, you probably make decisions in an instant and get highly emotional. At times ENFP's can seem emotionless because we are observers 1st and action oriented 4th. Your Fi is probably underdeveloped as well. You probably have a hard time judging a situation until you can connect the dots. Develop your Fi by coming to conclusions more quickly and acting on them to see if you were right. Then adjust your behavior according to the feedback you get from the environment.

To add something to this further, we are sooooo focused on observation and just a perfect flow of things that we really don't particularly JUDGE very well at all. Practice Ni, Si, Se and Te and you will become better at reading situations quickly.

 

[andresimon]

Also Fi is not as expressive as Fe. It is often far deeper and so until our core values are crossed we often just continue in our own little world. If someone however does cross our values, the emotions can become very powerful. Let me ask you this, if someone interrupts you or something minor goes wrong in a situation, how quickly do you get frustrated?

 

[Opal]

I'm similar, OP. Processing and maintenance first, then acceptance.

 

[Redbone]

I do this. Crisis is over...flood waters have receded...crops have been saved...blah, blah, blah...I go to sit down thinking I can relax and BOOM! it starts to hit. Sometimes it comes in ripples that grow in strength the further I move away from the center of the event. Other times, it comes all at once like a punch to my gut.

I feel so stupid for having reactions like this that I try to hide it. My oldest son knows that I'm good for having aftermath meltdowns so he expects it. Not others though, so I often hide to conceal that I'm broken up until I can get myself together again.

I think the worst thing is not breaking down after handling a crisis. The worst is getting upset much later after a discussion with someone. Rex is right about it being a kind of sabot in relationships if it's not managed. I've had times where I listened to someone say something and didn't react much to it (giving the wrong impression). Later, the shock wave hits and I'm angry, hurt, whatever.

At that point, I'll want to confront...er talk! about it and the person is wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I feel embarrassed/ashamed because I have no idea what took so long for the feeling to surface, so how can I explain it? It starts to get all tangled and messed up so...so...I don't know. Because what I was supposed to be okay with, I'm really not okay with at all. No I'm not. It just took a little sinking in. It's not intentional and I wish that mess didn't happen.

So yeah...you're not the only one.