[Type 3] Cool 3w4s?

[Amargith]

Well..the result is that she did toss his ass out of the house *lol*
Nowadays he's 'nice' to my family and gets along with some of em, but he initially acknowledged their presence *for me*, as group harmony can really impact me. He also doesn't mind doing that for me, now, as he prefers me in non-stressy mood. You're correct on 3's and 8's knowing what they want and taking it. It's why I like em so. I instantly know where I stand with them.

He cares when people who he acknowledges as knownig what the F*** they're talking about, criticize his work abilities,but you won't notice. He'll just check if they have a point and adjust accordingly if they do. If he feels he can't live up to that standard, the only person who'll know, is me. And then he'll proceed to make that standard anyways or redefine it to something even better. Gotto love their drive. It takes its toll though, leaving them sometimes drained and in need of a lot of love and affirmation/affection. They're not robots, thank god.

Edit: I only now saw your edit. He can relax just fine when he feels he's done his job. And goof off like mad. But he enjoys using his abilities, and who doesn't, really? It's just an inner value that he feels that slacking off for too long and not doing anything productive is kind of wasteful, as much fun as it can be. He likes the idea of leaving his mark on the world...most men do, ime

 

[Elfboy]

Well..the result is that she did toss his ass out of the house *lol*
Nowadays he's 'nice' to my family and gets along with some of em, but he initially acknowledged their presence *for me*, as group harmony can really impact me. He also doesn't mind doing that for me, now, as he prefers me in non-stressy mood. You're correct on 3's and 8's knowing what they want and taking it. It's why I like em so. I instantly know where I stand with them.

He cares when people who he acknowledges as knownig what the F*** they're talking about, criticize his work abilities,but you won't notice. He'll just check if they have a point and adjust accordingly if they do. If he feels he can't live up to that standard, the only person who'll know, is me. And then he'll proceed to make that standard anyways or redefine it to something even better. Gotto love their drive. It takes its toll though, leaving them sometimes drained and in need of a lot of love and affirmation/affection. They're not robots, thank god.

Edit: I only now saw your edit. He can relax just fine when he feels he's done his job. And goof off like mad. But he enjoys using his abilities, and who doesn't, really? It's just an inner value that he feels that slacking off for too long and not doing anything productive is kind of wasteful, as much fun as it can be. He likes the idea of leaving his mark on the world...most men do, ime

what would you say is the difference between him an an 8? (he sounds almost exactly like my INTJ 8w7 besty)

 

[Amargith]

He tested both 8 and 3, but he's not an 8. He doesn't *mind* it when people try to control him as long as he can see why they'r edoing it and it's for a good purpose. He'll put up with it for as long as it's useful for the goal. He also doesn't have that raw impatience that an 8 posesses. I quite enjoy it, but it's volatile and I have to admit that our relationship is smoother for it. I'm sure I'd love the thrill of dating an 8, but man, there would be soooo many more screaming arguments *lol*

I rarely manage to run out his patience and even he says that I'm quite a handful on that area. If he were an 8, I'd be pissing them off every effing week (not that that has to be a bad thing...but still). He's less...well, dramatic than 8's

 

[Kierva]

Well..the result is that she did toss his ass out of the house *lol*
Nowadays he's 'nice' to my family and gets along with some of em, but he initially acknowledged their presence *for me*, as group harmony can really impact me. He also doesn't mind doing that for me, now, as he prefers me in non-stressy mood. You're correct on 3's and 8's knowing what they want and taking it. It's why I like em so. I instantly know where I stand with them.

He cares when people who he acknowledges as knownig what the F*** they're talking about, criticize his work abilities,but you won't notice. He'll just check if they have a point and adjust accordingly if they do. If he feels he can't live up to that standard, the only person who'll know, is me. And then he'll proceed to make that standard anyways or redefine it to something even better. Gotto love their drive. It takes its toll though, leaving them sometimes drained and in need of a lot of love and affirmation/affection. They're not robots, thank god.

Edit: I only now saw your edit. He can relax just fine when he feels he's done his job. And goof off like mad. But he enjoys using his abilities, and who doesn't, really? It's just an inner value that he feels that slacking off for too long and not doing anything productive is kind of wasteful, as much fun as it can be. He likes the idea of leaving his mark on the world...most men do, ime

Then in that case I would be a 3w4

It's either I have a really strong 3w4 fix or I'm really a 3w4.

 

[Kierva]

In class we have this system where the facilitator grades us based on class/team engagement. Basically we have to "look interested" and "discuss a lot" in our group. He/she observes us and makes a grade on our verbal participation -- it's purely verbal because they don't credit on who makes the best presentation visually speaking or even if you're researching the facilitator will prompt you.

Anyways, I always make sure I give some smart answer with regard to the problem statement of the day and I find myself that if I asked questions in presentations I would get a better grade if I did. My end goal of the day is to get an A grade. A B grade would be fine but it's not what I want. No less. I work my ass off to get the grade and it seems as though I do most of the work in terms of directing the team, job assignment, quality control and research material.

This would all seem 3-ish behavior but the important thing to note is the motivation. WHY am I like this, WHY do I act this way. Not quite sure on the answer on that, but as of now I feel as though it is rage. I do not know how shame is in relation to my past, so someone could clarify that for me?

 

[Mal12345]

the reason I'm looking more into 3 is that it's the type that really makes me go "omg! please tell me I'm not that!"

But it was based only on a few negative stereotypes you hold about 3s in a kind of "definition by inessentials."

Riso writes: "Looking back at Threes, we see that they go astray by abandoning themselves, rejecting their own heart's desire in order to become the kind of person that they believe will be more acceptable and worthwhile. As a result, Threes develop only certain parts of themselves, like bodybuilders who focus on the development of only one aspect of their physique instead of seeking overall balance...Because Threes are so adept at promoting favorable impressions of themselves, it is not apparent that they may be very undeveloped human beings beneath their image."

The part after the ellipses may explain why you appear to be so genuinely healthy-minded.

which makes it more likely (even if 3w4s can be pretty cool). it goes back and forth with 8 though because I don't base my self worth externally at all (or else my self worth would not be nearly as high as it is now lol I have nothing externally to be proud of). the needs of the heart center and gut center are also so different. I tend to view 3s as weak for needing other people, but with the very specific instance of 3w4 sp/sx they seem to need people a lot less

Yes. Threes need the admiration of others regarding their achievements. But the 3w4s hide this need behind a facade of professionalism, thus their desire for admiration is more concealed.

 

[Mal12345]

Then in that case I would be a 3w4

It's either I have a really strong 3w4 fix or I'm really a 3w4.

It's too often the case that not wanting to be a Three - based on some of the negative stereotypes that have been going around for decades - is a cause of mistyping oneself. It doesn't seem to affect typing others, however.

 

[Elfboy]

But it was based only on a few negative stereotypes you hold about 3s in a kind of "definition by inessentials."

Riso writes: "Looking back at Threes, we see that they go astray by abandoning themselves, rejecting their own heart's desire in order to become the kind of person that they believe will be more acceptable and worthwhile. As a result, Threes develop only certain parts of themselves, like bodybuilders who focus on the development of only one aspect of their physique instead of seeking overall balance...Because Threes are so adept at promoting favorable impressions of themselves, it is not apparent that they may be very undeveloped human beings beneath their image."

The part after the ellipses may explain why you appear to be so genuinely healthy-minded.




Yes. Threes need the admiration of others regarding their achievements. But the 3w4s hide this need behind a facade of professionalism, thus their desire for admiration is more concealed.

if I do desire admiration from others, it's hidden VERY deeply. you're right, 3w2's need for admiration is much more obvious and readily displayed and it seems like they're willing to do more to get it. 3w4s are more "ha! you don't really think I'm going to do THAT"

 

[Elfboy]

is there such thing as a "counter image" 3 like they have phobic and counter phobic 6s? lol

 

[Mal12345]

is there such thing as a "counter image" 3 like they have phobic and counter phobic 6s? lol

The 3w4 might be called the counter-image type of 3. In this case the 3s are still dependent upon the opinions of others, except for the fact that they try to go counter to expectations. Not social role-models, but anti-social "role models."

 

[Kierva]

The 3w4 might be called the counter-image type of 3. In this case the 3s are still dependent upon the opinions of others, except for the fact that they try to go counter to expectations. Not social role-models, but anti-social "role models."

I thought 3w4 was more elitist and more selective of the audience and their selection would be diverted to that group they choose because of the 4 wing?

 

[Mal12345]

I thought 3w4 was more elitist and more selective of the audience and their selection would be diverted to that group they choose because of the 4 wing?

Agreed. That sounds a lot like Elfboy when he let's other people in. I should say, inside the shell of his type.

 

[Elfboy]

The 3w4 might be called the counter-image type of 3. In this case the 3s are still dependent upon the opinions of others, except for the fact that they try to go counter to expectations. Not social role-models, but anti-social "role models."

so a 3w4 might think something along the lines of "if the most popular think is X, then it can't be superior because most people are idiots so I'm going to do Y because it's better than X"

 

[Chloe]

you dont vibe 3 to me at all. you have a very elitistic vibe, and very self-obsessed... i am really confused about your type, i'd bet on 8, but there is a lot of 4 too.. i doubt you're a 5 like speed suggested, that's from connection to 8, i guess you move a lot to 5

 

[Elfboy]

you dont vibe 3 to me at all. you have a very elitistic vibe, and very self-obsessed... i am really confused about your type, i'd bet on 8, but there is a lot of 4 too.. i doubt you're a 5 like speed suggested, that's from connection to 8, i guess you move a lot to 5

4w3 makes sense too.

 

[Chloe]

i have INTP 4 friend and you have very similar vibe.... but you're more oriented on power.. globally....

well if you read any book on enneagram and read long descriptions about those types, you would knew which one is you because it's the one that touched you very deep. seems like you're viewing only surfice descriptuions

 

[Elfboy]

you dont vibe 3 to me at all. you have a very elitistic vibe, and very self-obsessed... i am really confused about your type, i'd bet on 8, but there is a lot of 4 too.. i doubt you're a 5 like speed suggested, that's from connection to 8, i guess you move a lot to 5

I don't have the gritty, blood and guts sort of vibe that an 8 does. put another way, my energy is more "civilized" however, I'm learning more and more that I am pretty much obsessed with superiority. not materialistic superiority, but internal superiority. it's very important to me to be intelligent, classy and well dressed and I'm constantly judging people for their inferior traits. it's usually not power centered like an 8, it's self obsessed (like 3w4 and 4w3). the difference between 3w4 and 3w2 is that for 3w2 it's all about "how do I impress my friends? what's popular? what kind of cool stuff can I get/do?" for 3w4s, status is more of an idea. they still want attention, but only the best kind from the best people. the concern is more on "being" superior than "looking" superior.

 

[Chloe]

I don't have the gritty, blood and guts sort of vibe that an 8 does. put another way, my energy is more "civilized" however, I'm learning more and more that I am pretty much obsessed with superiority. not materialistic superiority, but internal superiority. it's very important to me to be intelligent, classy and well dressed and I'm constantly judging people for their inferior traits. it's usually not power centered like an 8, it's self obsessed (like 3w4 and 4w3). the difference between 3w4 and 3w2 is that for 3w2 it's all about "how do I impress my friends? what's popular? what kind of cool stuff can I get/do?" for 3w4s, status is more of an idea. they still want attention, but only the best kind from the best people. the concern is more on "being" superior than "looking" superior.

if we're going by what you just wrote i am 3w2 more than 3w4.

and i dont judge people for their inferior traits. so cant relate to this... i am more like: my main goal in everything in life is to be The Best. 60% the best is what others think is the best, and 40% I define what is the best (for example, if getting an A in boring course is considered the best, i'll rather be the cool one and get a B with least amount of studying and in my own eyes i will be the best in the story because i know i could get A if i studied).

 

[Elfboy]

i have INTP 4 friend and you have very similar vibe.... but you're more oriented on power.. globally....

well if you read any book on enneagram and read long descriptions about those types, you would knew which one is you because it's the one that touched you very deep. seems like you're viewing only surfice descriptuions

actually, the only reason I'm thinking 3 is because I did some serious reading between the lines (the lines themselves did not give me any inside at all). the paradox of 3w4s is that they seek attention, but they are simultaneously disgusted by seeking attention. they still do, but it's more indirect and harder to spot. the 3 and the 4 kind of pull at each other in this way.

 

[Chloe]

actually, the only reason I'm thinking 3 is because I did some serious reading between the lines (the lines themselves did not give me any inside at all). the paradox of 3w4s is that they seek attention, but they are simultaneously disgusted by seeking attention. they still do, but it's more indirect and harder to spot. the 3 and the 4 kind of pull at each other in this way.

did you read "inner child" of each type ?


you look like you want to be special... much more 4 than 3 (fuck the wings!)