[ISFP] Common ISFP Issues

[Jeffster]

This is good.

So let's say you have an ISFP that in their writing of emails, continually mentions that what they are writing is boring. Why would they do that or think that?

As far as not impacting anyone is concerned - that's really interesting. Can you elaborate on this?

If I give someone a CD I made, and the reaction is kinda "gee thanks" and then it gets tossed onto a pile of other CDs and not listened to, then that makes me feel bad, because the impact I wanted to have didn't happen. I could come up with many other examples, but it's basically like, I create things because I enjoy doing so, but appreciation by others is a tremendous bonus.

My number one thrill is sharing something awesome with somebody, even if I didn't create it, such as a song I think is really cool. If I share it, and get a lukewarm response, or a negative response, it's very deflating, and many times of this occurring causes me to hesitate to share anything with people, so that the negative experience doesn't repeat itself.

Boring is a tremendous insult to all SPs I think. Boredom is the low point, so if I say everything I'm writing is boring, then likely I am not feeling inspired and the writing is feeling like going through the motions with no reward.

 

[countrygirl]

If I give someone a CD I made, and the reaction is kinda "gee thanks" and then it gets tossed onto a pile of other CDs and not listened to, then that makes me feel bad, because the impact I wanted to have didn't happen. I could come up with many other examples, but it's basically like, I create things because I enjoy doing so, but appreciation by others is a tremendous bonus.

My number one thrill is sharing something awesome with somebody, even if I didn't create it, such as a song I think is really cool. If I share it, and get a lukewarm response, or a negative response, it's very deflating, and many times of this occurring causes me to hesitate to share anything with people, so that the negative experience doesn't repeat itself.

Boring is a tremendous insult to all SPs I think. Boredom is the low point, so if I say everything I'm writing is boring, then likely I am not feeling inspired and the writing is feeling like going through the motions with no reward.

This sound accurate.

When I share something with someone, I am also opening up myself to that person and feel vunerable. So when my sharings are not appreciated or I don't feel/see that it is appreciated, then it can feel like the other person is rejecting me.

 

[Redbone]

My number one thrill is sharing something awesome with somebody, even if I didn't create it, such as a song I think is really cool. If I share it, and get a lukewarm response, or a negative response, it's very deflating, and many times of this occurring causes me to hesitate to share anything with people, so that the negative experience doesn't repeat itself.

This is really interesting. My 19-year-old son is an ISFP and he is constantly sharing his "finds" with me. It seems like he gets a charge when I am pleased with it. If it's music, he's thrilled when he discovers it later on my playlist (we spend a lot of time listening to music in my house). He is also quite a wit and is displeased if it doesn't have the desired effect on me. His displeasure is a subtle thing, though.

My question for ISFPs, what kind of difficulties have you encountered in your relationships?

 

[TheStarchDefenders]

This is really interesting. My 19-year-old son is an ISFP and he is constantly sharing his "finds" with me. It seems like he gets a charge when I am pleased with it. If it's music, he's thrilled when he discovers it later on my playlist (we spend a lot of time listening to music in my house). He is also quite a wit and is displeased if it doesn't have the desired effect on me. His displeasure is a subtle thing, though.

My question for ISFPs, what kind of difficulties have you encountered in your relationships?

I have, in the past, tried to see where the relationship might go and who I might become with the person I was with. I would kind of Fi-Ni loop during that and talk myself out of wanting to be with someone without them doing anything. I am just now trying to learn to see people for what they are and trying not to see into the future. If I can teach myself to live in this moment most of the time then I think I can be in a stable relationship.

 

[Frenetic Tranquility]

What do you suggest for approaching an isfp who, without any actual reason, does do an fi/ni and perceive something bad coming out of the relationship (despite all evidence showing how good it is currently)? How do you approach this isfp? Any way to suggest contrary or reopen them to the possibility of the relationship again? Would pretending like everything is fine and trying to get the isfp back into the moment be a good plan? Thanls!

 

[King sns]

Yes I agree.

I also think the only cure for it is Ni development. That way one can learn to see things from a distanced, shifting perspective, and realize that everything isn't an affront to one's own values or ego.

On the other hand, SFPs may very much internalize not only their values, but their experiences as personal, making their personal attachment to their beliefs that much more personal. Like if my Fi values are based on what I've seen and experienced in real life, it's all going to seem a lot more dire and serious to me than someone who is just arm-chair philosophizing in a cozy manner. People may be like, "calm down why is this so serious to you" to which my response is "because it affects real people, not just *ideals* of people."

I really think Ni development is key. But healthy Ni development. Fi/Ni loops just lead to further paranoia that everybody hates you, and may be out to undermine your values/vision.

I wonder what the difference is between an Ni/Fi loop and an Fi/Ni loop. They seem like they would be very similar.

yeah, Marm, you and [MENTION=5627]BlackCat[/MENTION] are looking more like INTJ's every day to me. I think it's interesting as we get older as a type c group how we're developing.... [MENTION=9486]gromit[/MENTION] is starting to look more serious too, but it could just be my perception...

 

[gromit]

yeah, Marm, you and [MENTION=5627]BlackCat[/MENTION] are looking more like INTJ's every day to me. I think it's interesting as we get older as a type c group how we're developing.... [MENTION=9486]gromit[/MENTION] is starting to look more serious too, but it could just be my perception...

I am so serious. Do not even try to mess with me. umpyouup:

 

[KDude]

Cheer up.

 

[wolfy]

yeah, Marm, you and [MENTION=5627]BlackCat[/MENTION] are looking more like INTJ's every day to me. I think it's interesting as we get older as a type c group how we're developing.... [MENTION=9486]gromit[/MENTION] is starting to look more serious too, but it could just be my perception...

Am I also not becoming more serious?

 

[King sns]

Am I also not becoming more serious?

You seem about the same. Maybe it's because you were older to begin with/serious/ already developed.

 

[wolfy]

You seem about the same. Maybe it's because you were older to begin with/serious/ already developed.

I am even older now. I don't feel that serious...

 

[cb53523]

Reply

I agree with the first poster. As long as criticism is not meant to be hurtful, I can let it slide but if I pick up on a hint of maliciousness in someone's communication to me, I'm very sensitive to that and I usually respond angrily.

 

[Capricorn Moon]

I got ISFP as a result once, few years ago, but i am already quite sure i am not ISFP, although i can relate to you in some things. Anyway, i think this type is amazing and on some way i admire you (i love whole SP phylosophy and way of life).

 

[Sunshine]

Based on what I've read, some common ISFP issues include:

Sensitivity to criticism - May be very sensitive to criticism and see criticism where none was intended.

Sheesh you don't have to be so critical! GOSH!

 

[brainheart]

I like this thread. I have an ISFP son, pretty sure 9w8. It's kind of fascinating being a Fi dom and having a Fi dom kid but having different external functions, it really makes the differences come alive. We are so similar in many ways but externally... he really needs physical activity/physical stimulation and is so stinking coordinated while I am most decidedly not and could kind of take or leave the physical, except when it comes to the aesthetic aspect- that we have in common, although I'm more fine art while he's more comics. He gets philosophical at times, but he doesn't love to make connections and philosophize to the extent I do.

He often looks like he doesn't care when I know he very much does, he just isn't the best at figuring out a way of expressing it. We're both socially awkward, we both take things personally. But I think the Fi+Ne can make me better at reading people/reading between the lines and making a point of expressing my empathy with language or facial expressions. He's better at team sports and instantaneous reactions (when it comes to physical activities) while I completely suck at this, I mean... completely. He connects with others via physical activity/drawing/physical humor/music while I connect with others via art/music/words, with a touch of physical.

My point? What is it? I guess just that ISFP and INFP issues are often similar but there are some differences. And I love ISFPs, probably my favorite type. My kid is the coolest.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

I know I'm several months late for this thread, but gosh darn it, I have to answer these.

What would cause an ISFP to have low self esteem?

For myself, I notice that I become self conscious when I become intimidated by people. I have trouble viewing myself very positively in front of boisterous, in your face kind of people who like intimidating.
Example: Just a couple of weeks ago I was trying to train this girl to do her job and she just intimidated me, so I started mumbling and saying really stupid stuff that she didn't find humorous at all. She ended up yelling at me in front of everyone, "Stop mumbling! You're pissing me off." I'm pretty sure I wanted to cry right then and there.

The first half of this... yes... I've definitely seen some of my mom's comments as a personal attack, even though she never even intended them as criticism. The second half of this...doesn't fit me at all... I'm probably the most open person in my circle. I can appreciate when someone has a viewpoint that differs from mine. The only thing I don't like is when I'm called stupid for having the viewpoint I do.



Eh... I can't really relate to this at all. I've jumped on my dad numerous times for making statements to my mom that hurt her (when he just meant it in a joking way). I'm also very aware of how my behavior affects others...

In regards to this statement... I think the reason I can't relate to it is because of the environment I grew up in... So perhaps if I hadn't grown to recognize how my actions affected others this would fit me.



I battled self esteem issues for a long time. The majority of my issues stemmed from being put down a lot. It was hard for me to believe anyone who told me I was pretty, smart, etc because of all the bullies that had told me I was ugly, dumb, etc. For some reason, negative comments stuck with me more than the positive comments did.

All of this. This sounds pretty spot on for myself.

This is really interesting. My 19-year-old son is an ISFP and he is constantly sharing his "finds" with me. It seems like he gets a charge when I am pleased with it. If it's music, he's thrilled when he discovers it later on my playlist (we spend a lot of time listening to music in my house). He is also quite a wit and is displeased if it doesn't have the desired effect on me. His displeasure is a subtle thing, though.

Heh, I have this issue where I just kind of fade out if people don't like what I'm offering up with my finds. I'm kind of like, "er...never mind. I'll just go over here...".

My question for ISFPs, what kind of difficulties have you encountered in your relationships?

I cut and go very easily. It's hard because people trust me so easily and I have to be aware of that so I don't hurt them. That kind of stuff doesn't hurt me though, so the difficulty is for me to see what they're experiencing through their eyes. I don't have much attachment with people because I've moved so much my whole life, so I have a hard time connecting in a long term way.

What do you suggest for approaching an isfp who, without any actual reason, does do an fi/ni and perceive something bad coming out of the relationship (despite all evidence showing how good it is currently)? How do you approach this isfp? Any way to suggest contrary or reopen them to the possibility of the relationship again? Would pretending like everything is fine and trying to get the isfp back into the moment be a good plan? Thanls!

Heh, for myself there would be no hope. If I sense something bad coming from the relationship I'm usually correct. I will not even bother, but that also has to do with the fact that I don't need relationships to live my life.

 

[Kayness]

Based on what I've read, some common ISFP issues include:

Sensitivity to criticism - May be very sensitive to criticism and see criticism where none was intended. May even take the fact that another person has a different point of view as criticism.

In their own world - Because of their dominant Fi, ISFPs may value their feelings and opinions far more than others. The are prone to taking in information that only supports their personal opinions. They can ignore the feelings, perspectives and point of view of others. They may also be unaware of how their behavior affects others. Taken to an extreme, this combination of behaviors can lead others to perceive them as unrealistic, selfish, or eccentric.

Do you agree with these? Other thoughts?

When I was younger, I definitely related to both of these! I was even told that I was selfish when I was a kid. I didn't understand why - I thought I was just being myself. But it stung real badly, and as I grew up I overcompensated for it (keep in mind I was taking a shot in the dark here as I didn't see anything wrong with my behaviour in the first place) by taking EVERYBODY else's views into consideration that a lot of the time I forgot what mine was.

I'm sure I have a lot more.

 

[Hetha]

I absolutely love my ISFP son. His artistic and gentle nature, is something I treasure. When he shares, I give him my undivided attention, but equally so with my ISTJ daughter. I went with simply making suggestions that were constructive to help them improve and develop each of their respective skills. I allow them the room and the autonomy to take or leave my suggestions at will. He's now taking advanced level art courses to get him the proper college credit and looking to colleges where Art degrees are given the serious attention they deserve. I couldn't be prouder.

 

[ISFP4]

Sensitivity to criticism: I respond with distrust because i suspect a hidden social agenda, suspect the criticism is just lies to feed an ego. It upsets me because I feel the other person is not genuine and chances of a real connection decrease.

 

[Fun in the Sun]

I can be a bit sensitive to criticism, especially if it's about some art that I have created, although people probably won't know I was affected. I try to take other people's point of view into consideration and I've gotten much better at it over the years. I've never really liked people putting me down to show that they liked me, but I have learned that once I knew they are joking I have learned to dish it right back!

I can be self absorbed as well, but it is just because introverted feeling blocks a lot else out, so I can dwell on my moods. At least they're usually positive emotions nowadays. As I've gotten older, I've been able to take other people's point of view and feelings into consideration and have become less self absorbed.