[INFP] Common INFP Issues

[Soar337]

Being called 'quiet' and being hurt by it because you feel like they are belittling you...

 

[BAJ]

There is a great deal of debate about whether I'm INFP or INTP. I'm revisiting and replaying the moments I can remember from my life. I thought about starting a thread where people tell the various anecdotes which identify their type, or maybe a blog to describe my own. Of course, that would be a book, probably.

Hypersensitivity - We often interpret negative feedback as a personal attack. In fact, we sometimes project negativity onto factual, neutral statements. This problem extends to critiques of our values, since as Fi-doms we see our values as fundamental parts of ourselves. Our hypersensitivity can cause us to avoid seeking feedback or evaluation out of fear of it being negative.

I've been told that I'm "too sensitive" on many occasions. I seem to take criticism hard. Since I was emotionally abused, and received no approval as a child, I almost desperately want approval, affirmation, and validation. I want to go out of my way, and go the extra mile to perfectly fulfill certain things. If criticism is received instead, I'm almost mortified.

Tendency to procrastinate - Like other perceiving types, we have a tendency to procrastinate. In our case, an avoidance of conflict tends to be a contributing factor. Our Fi-based idealism combined with our Ne-inspired ability to see possibilities sometimes makes moving from the possible to the actual

I definitely procrastinate. In graduate school, I averaged two weeks late on all my papers. I'd be the first to the library. I'd probably check out the most books on the subject. In fact, I went to the library with a laundry basket because as a graduate student, I could check out 50 books at once! Also, I could even check out journals for three days. Yet, I usually didn't start my paper until the night before it was due. To be candid, I felt better just taking the letter grade reduction for being late. Then I could relax.

[*]Social Disregard and/or Cluelessness - Our lack of Fe and reliance on Fi tends to make us seemingly unaware of societal expectations. Even when we are aware of them, we may see such expectations as an attack on our individual expression and autonomy. Our Fi focus may also cause us to appear quirky or dress inappropriately for a given situation. Also, we may experience unnecessary conflict with Fe-users because we are unaware of the message we are sending by opting out of important rituals and traditions. We tend to be bad at initiating contact with others, which may send a message that we are selfishly disinterested in other people.

I relieved to hear this one. One of the things that makes me question my NF is that I imagine it means I'm supposed to be socially smooth, and fit in perfectly. However, this paragraph sounds more like me. As Emerson said, "Whomever shall be a man, shall be a nonconformist", and I lived in tune with "my own drummer", as Thoreau would say. That point of view was mine long before I heard of MBTI.

[*]Idealism/Absolutism - While at its best our Fi can lead us towards having worthwhile values and not compromising them, at our worst we tend towards an intolerant, blinkered impracticality. We can tend to dismiss information that doesn't fit with our preconceived ideals and becomes angry when people point out how distorted our internal model of the world may be. This can extend to relationships, causing us to over-idealize those we love, leading to communication problems and/or disappointment.
[/LIST]

I can somewhat see myself in this historically, but I don't want to elaborate. Also, my "values" are to not be an absolutist. That is, I try to absolutely not be absolutist. I'm basically intolerant of intolerant people.

 

[NegativeZero]

• Recurrent feelings of self-failure
• Feeling estranged or helpless when emotionally overwhelmed
• Unaware of when to be assertive and when to be passive; the two functions are often used in inappropriate situations
• Intense desire for meaningful companionship conflicting with our stark introversion: unbearable loneliness results
• Tendency to contemplate rather than act, to project rather than solve esp. when the latter is often a better solution
• Conflict between logic and emotions — a desire to feel less esp. in INFPs with well-developed Ti
• Laziness, irresponsibility, immaturity, indecisiveness
• Paralysis from fear or doubt
• Stagnancy resulting from fear of change or unwillingness to try new things; uncanny timidness

That is kind of a personal list, but I have a feeling it will easily apply to other INFPs.

 

[Anew Leaf]

• Recurrent feelings of self-failure
• Feeling estranged or helpless when emotionally overwhelmed
• Unaware of when to be assertive and when to be passive; the two functions are often used in inappropriate situations
• Intense desire for meaningful companionship conflicting with our stark introversion: unbearable loneliness results
• Tendency to contemplate rather than act, to project rather than solve esp. when the latter is often a better solution
• Conflict between logic and emotions — a desire to feel less esp. in INFPs with well-developed Ti
• Laziness, irresponsibility, immaturity, indecisiveness
• Paralysis from fear or doubt
• Stagnancy resulting from fear of change or unwillingness to try new things; uncanny timidness

That is kind of a personal list, but I have a feeling it will easily apply to other INFPs.

I gaze into the mirror, and the mirror gazes back.

 

[HighwayChild]

As requested, a thread. We'll see if it does better than the "someone start a thread" thread.

Some common INFP issues include:

1. Hypersensitivity - We often interpret negative feedback as a personal attack. In fact, we sometimes project negativity onto factual, neutral statements. This problem extends to critiques of our values, since as Fi-doms we see our values as fundamental parts of ourselves. Our hypersensitivity can cause us to avoid seeking feedback or evaluation out of fear of it being negative.
2. Tendency to procrastinate - Like other perceiving types, we have a tendency to procrastinate. In our case, an avoidance of conflict tends to be a contributing factor. Our Fi-based idealism combined with our Ne-inspired ability to see possibilities sometimes makes moving from the possible to the actual demotivating: the reality is always less than we'd like it to be. This can even extend to career paralysis, in which we fear moving forward because no option is perfectly inline with our inner selves and values. Also, attempting something Importantâ„¢ and failing can trigger our hypersensitivity (see above). We can also tend to wait for internal transformation to provide motivation, even when external action is all that's needed to start the ball rolling.
3. Social Disregard and/or Cluelessness - Our lack of Fe and reliance on Fi tends to make us seemingly unaware of societal expectations. Even when we are aware of them, we may see such expectations as an attack on our individual expression and autonomy. Our Fi focus may also cause us to appear quirky or dress inappropriately for a given situation. Also, we may experience unnecessary conflict with Fe-users because we are unaware of the message we are sending by opting out of important rituals and traditions. We tend to be bad at initiating contact with others, which may send a message that we are selfishly disinterested in other people.
4. Idealism/Absolutism - While at its best our Fi can lead us towards having worthwhile values and not compromising them, at our worst we tend towards an intolerant, blinkered impracticality. We can tend to dismiss information that doesn't fit with our preconceived ideals and becomes angry when people point out how distorted our internal model of the world may be. This can extend to relationships, causing us to over-idealize those we love, leading to communication problems and/or disappointment.

And, to include stringstheory's procrastination example:


I'm sure people have other perspectives to add.

wow this really does hit the nail on the head, including the stringstheory quote.
As for #3, I can totally relate. Easter is coming and everyone is all "Have a happy Easter" or "what are you doing for Easter" and my thought process is like "Oh yeah, Easter. I probably will play a video game. Maybe I should do something for Easter. Go to church and say hi to zombie Jesus? naaah. What do people do? I remember having to hunt for eggs and getting baskets, but that was a long time ago. My parents want me to come up to my Aunt and Uncle's house and hang out... but why? Is it someone's birthday. Oh wait, Easter, right. Well maybe I'll play a video game and then go up there and show my face so they don't think I'm avoiding them. But I don't want to, I'll see them at Thanksgiving, a real holiday, but... shit.. what do I do.. I'll just go so they don't think I hate them."
I'm aware that it's a long drawn out thought but it really isn't that long sounding in my head.

 

[nolla]

I'm aware that it's a long drawn out thought but it really isn't that long sounding in my head.

I know. It's like people wishing me happy birthday when I didn't even realize it was coming up.

As a side note, did you guys realize that this thread is the only one of the NF "common issues" threads that doesn't have the five star rating? I think we should congratulate each other for being so humble all this time!

 

[Seymour]

As a side note, did you guys realize that this thread is the only one of the NF "common issues" threads that doesn't have the five star rating? I think we should congratulate each other for being so humble all this time!

Isn't that the problem with modesty? There's never a good time to brag about it!

 

[nolla]

Exactly! There should be a Celebrate Your Modesty day!

 

[William K]

Yay for being modest! *pats self on back and wrenches a muscle*...

 

[Anna intuitive]

cocooning

I'm going back a way to Fidelia's concept of cocooning. Looking at my current situation: I attended two five-day personal growth workshops (for training purposes), then gave a five-day workshop. It went really well, but that extraversion and intense connection with the participants was also extremely tiring. Then nine days of almost not being present at all. Drifting around, googling things on the internet, making vegetable soup, more vegetable soup, pressure cooker bread, reading On Death and Dying by Kubler-Ross, Psychosynthesis by Roberto Assagioli. Responding to work-related emails. Managing financial related stuff, sufficiently. Listening to my husband talking about what's going on with him. Sleeping.

Trying not to judge myself, because that doesn't help, but hoping that one day I'll re-emerge - I always do, don't I?

Then today, something shifts. I'm still cocooning, but in my inner, something is stirring. Something is focussing, curious. Something creative is going to emerge.

So, what I want to say here, is that this cocooning isn't something negative. It's part of the way we function. What I want to know is how best to work with this, so it doesn't go somewhere negative, but takes me to the next place I need to go.

Does anyone have any experience with how to maximise the benefit of (but not unnecessarily extend) the cocooning times?

 

[reclusivehermit]

As requested, a thread. We'll see if it does better than the "someone start a thread" thread.

Some common INFP issues include:

1. Hypersensitivity - We often interpret negative feedback as a personal attack. In fact, we sometimes project negativity onto factual, neutral statements. This problem extends to critiques of our values, since as Fi-doms we see our values as fundamental parts of ourselves. Our hypersensitivity can cause us to avoid seeking feedback or evaluation out of fear of it being negative.
2. Tendency to procrastinate - Like other perceiving types, we have a tendency to procrastinate. In our case, an avoidance of conflict tends to be a contributing factor. Our Fi-based idealism combined with our Ne-inspired ability to see possibilities sometimes makes moving from the possible to the actual demotivating: the reality is always less than we'd like it to be. This can even extend to career paralysis, in which we fear moving forward because no option is perfectly inline with our inner selves and values. Also, attempting something Importantâ„¢ and failing can trigger our hypersensitivity (see above). We can also tend to wait for internal transformation to provide motivation, even when external action is all that's needed to start the ball rolling.
3. Social Disregard and/or Cluelessness - Our lack of Fe and reliance on Fi tends to make us seemingly unaware of societal expectations. Even when we are aware of them, we may see such expectations as an attack on our individual expression and autonomy. Our Fi focus may also cause us to appear quirky or dress inappropriately for a given situation. Also, we may experience unnecessary conflict with Fe-users because we are unaware of the message we are sending by opting out of important rituals and traditions. We tend to be bad at initiating contact with others, which may send a message that we are selfishly disinterested in other people.
4. Idealism/Absolutism - While at its best our Fi can lead us towards having worthwhile values and not compromising them, at our worst we tend towards an intolerant, blinkered impracticality. We can tend to dismiss information that doesn't fit with our preconceived ideals and becomes angry when people point out how distorted our internal model of the world may be. This can extend to relationships, causing us to over-idealize those we love, leading to communication problems and/or disappointment.

And, to include stringstheory's procrastination example:


I'm sure people have other perspectives to add.

I wholeheartedly agree with the above ^^


Profound thoughts

But to add to some of this sometimes i fall into a trap of being profoundly concerned about life itself, conceptualizing and being philosophical about it ? i wonder if that is even an INFP trait ? or is that more T - I'm a borderline f/t type and it kinda varies ... somedays/weeks im more of a feeler and other times im more T.

Giving more to others than yourself

Often i give more than should be required - kindness and looking after the needy while disregarding my own needs is a perpetual problem for me which i sometimes find hard to get out of ?? - infp trait ? --- and to a global scale kindness for humanity ?

 

[esidebill]

I wholeheartedly agree with the above ^^


Profound thoughts

But to add to some of this sometimes i fall into a trap of being profoundly concerned about life itself, conceptualizing and being philosophical about it ? i wonder if that is even an INFP trait ? or is that more T - I'm a borderline f/t type and it kinda varies ... somedays/weeks im more of a feeler and other times im more T.

Giving more to others than yourself

Often i give more than should be required - kindness and looking after the needy while disregarding my own needs is a perpetual problem for me which i sometimes find hard to get out of ?? - infp trait ? --- and to a global scale kindness to humanity ?

Keep in mind theres no such absolute mold. Usually we are more one side than the other, so the preference of what you think is solely up to you. You could be more of a thinker than you are a feeler. But, I would say more so "Does this make sense?" or "Even if it doesn't make sense I'm doing it" is a good way to distinguish. Often your decision making abilities can decide that T or F discussion. And as to donating, no I would say many INFP people can be generous. Many INFP try to bring a peace and health to society as a whole. Perhaps a strong sense of right and wrong even.

 

[reclusivehermit]

Yeah your right there is no absolutism to describe us because we are so complex, it was good how you brought about the distinguishable natures of F and T, with the question of irrationality ...

" Even if it doesn't make sense ? I'm doing it " - yeah that often happens to me... its about whether the feeling is good right now or not... being in the mood to do something like studying if the mood isn't appropriate the P function is activated and i procrastinate ...

and the giving to others .. YES INFP i agree as well.. a strong sense of justice perhaps .

Well i guess u have summed me up ! lol

but i am very philosophical i think that could be more of a T thing.

 

[esidebill]

Yeah your right there is no absolutism to describe us because we are so complex, it was good how you brought about the distinguishable natures of F and T, with the question of irrationality ...

" Even if it doesn't make sense ? I'm doing it " - yeah that often happens to me... its about the feel or being in the mood to do something like studying if not the P function is activated and u procrastinate ...

and the giving YES INFP i agree as well.. a strong sense of justice perhaps .

Well i guess u have summed me up ! lol

but i am very philosophical i think that could be more of a T thing.

Like you said, no one can be absolute with judging an F or a T. Perhaps you're one of those people who think they're philosophical, but are only tooting their own horns. I kid with you

 

[reclusivehermit]

lol I toot the horns a lot when it comes to being philosophical - yet i'm into astrology and i am very moooodyyy

DOUBLE CANCER !

I've dabbled with beyond good and evil, plato's republic, socrates, sarte and schopenhauer .. the like

 

[esidebill]

lol I toot the horns a lot when it comes to being philosophical - yet i'm into astrology and i am very moooodyyy

DOUBLE CANCER !

I've dabbled with beyond good and evil, plato's republic, socrates, sarte and schopenhauer .. the like

I must admit I hate classical philosophy. I like American Pragmatism... maybe some outsider stuff like Nietzsche or Descartes.

 

[reclusivehermit]

yeah i haven't dealt much with descartes though ... but i i've got a Nietzsche essay coming up on his book 'Beyond good and Evil' - Nietzsche seems pretty good though more of a realist - super humanist yet his language is so dense and complicated...

your an ISTP now i thought u were an INTP before well thats what i thought i saw before i typed this message ??

 

[FunnyDigestion]

(RE full topic) I don't know, I've felt like shit all day today, & that happens every so often & makes it almost impossible for me to do anything at all. Probably an issue everyone has but with me it comes completely out of nowhere & I lose interest in everything & can't do anything.

 

[FunnyDigestion]

(RE full topic) I don't know, I've felt like shit all day today, & that happens every so often & makes it almost impossible for me to do anything at all. Probably an issue everyone has but with me it comes completely out of nowhere & I lose interest in everything & can't do anything.

such an illustrative example, case in point, I was going to make a thread today inspired by how shitty I was feeling, but I just kept feeling shitter & shittier until reaching a critical mass, at which point I didn't want to even look at this forum.. & I have no problems with this forum. Truthfully I didn't want to look at anything. & I couldn't type. & now I'm no longer inspired. This happens... maybe once every two weeks, I think I've always been calibrated around that 7-8% feel-like-a-piece-of-shit ratio.

 

[SpacemanSpiff]

Disregarding facts that contradict what our Fi says
I heard this is a problem for some of us. Personally, I cannot comment because all the facts that I can think of support what my Fi says