[INFP] Common INFP Issues

[misfortuneteller]

do you identify emotion as part of your identity or a by-product?

i personally don't.

 

[Hetaira]

If I care about a person greatly, then my emotions create havoc with my communication skills. I generally shut down until the emotional hurricane calms down.

Then, I can logically articulate what I want to express without causing damage to myself or them.

However, if I am pushed to speak, and don't go into quiet withdrawal mode, then God only knows what will spew out.

 

[coorooo]

Dear INFPs,

I'm an ENFP but I really, really need your help. My best friend (probably an INFP) has a lot of problems because of the breakup with her first true love five months ago. She just can't get over him and always hopes that he might come back to her although he already has a new girlfriend. It kills her to see how happy he is. For the last five months, she became very depressed. She cried the whole time, drank alcohol nearly every weekend and even started cutting herself. All of my friends think that she's just overreacting and don't take her problems seriously. But I can see how bad she's feeling. I just want to help her so bad but she won't let me.
Do you have any idea what I can do? For me, her behaviour is definitely not normal and healthy anymore :/
Thank you very much.
coorooo

 

[itsbobo]

However, if I am pushed to speak, and don't go into quiet withdrawal mode, then God only knows what will spew out.

Oh gosh yes. I was pushed to speak about something I felt was important to someone a few weeks back. They got me on the spot and I went into quiet, "beat around the bush" mode when really I could of gone full out direct, raw and honest mode if they had only given me time >_<

 

[itsbobo]

Dear INFPs,

I'm an ENFP but I really, really need your help. My best friend (probably an INFP) has a lot of problems because of the breakup with her first true love five months ago. She just can't get over him and always hopes that he might come back to her although he already has a new girlfriend. It kills her to see how happy he is. For the last five months, she became very depressed. She cried the whole time, drank alcohol nearly every weekend and even started cutting herself. All of my friends think that she's just overreacting and don't take her problems seriously. But I can see how bad she's feeling. I just want to help her so bad but she won't let me.
Do you have any idea what I can do? For me, her behaviour is definitely not normal and healthy anymore :/
Thank you very much.
coorooo

She needs guidance! Not just in words but in actions - show her the real potential of discovering so much more - whether it be her career goals or that someone who can relate to her later on will be there (like a soulmate). Us INFPs tend to have this strong idealistic mindset that we end up holding onto a lot of things. However, some things we hold onto are fixable but the things that aren't (love) we have no control over and it pisses us off.

I would say try to find (or be) logical in your approach with her. Yes she needs comfort but a wake up call if it's been five months might be good.

 

[ceecee]

Dear INFPs,

I'm an ENFP but I really, really need your help. My best friend (probably an INFP) has a lot of problems because of the breakup with her first true love five months ago. She just can't get over him and always hopes that he might come back to her although he already has a new girlfriend. It kills her to see how happy he is. For the last five months, she became very depressed. She cried the whole time, drank alcohol nearly every weekend and even started cutting herself. All of my friends think that she's just overreacting and don't take her problems seriously. But I can see how bad she's feeling. I just want to help her so bad but she won't let me.
Do you have any idea what I can do? For me, her behaviour is definitely not normal and healthy anymore :/
Thank you very much.
coorooo

No it's not normal and she needs professional help. Start with a doctor.

 

[PalebloodHunter]

I like you guys.

 

[Blackout]

Do people seriously not like Introverted Feeling?

Often I know I am only taking this too personally but often times I feel frustrated or in a sense "alienated" due to the fact that quite often, many people I find are not altogether very authentic or genuine in terms of what their motives or intend is, and often as well it of course goes to follow then as well that most conversations that from there start to feel almost pointless in some instances.

I know that in some ways it's still very much "survival of the fittest" but even then, it still doesn't mean that "subjective" feelings are altogether pointless or useless because again, what is "objective" reality even? I think often times Introverted Feeling is more or less banned (not exactly by going on the MBTI and such) from society due to the fact that I believe it leads to questioning of such notions as authority far too often it makes those in power unhappy (or those who desire power)

It's just the same as you're not supposed to talk about "other people" and the existence of that segment of reality. It's quite strange. *sigh*

It honestly feels to me often as though disavowing your own "subjective" interpretations of reality/life (whether they are clearly your feelings or/values) feels more likened to scooping out a part of your insides, 'who you are' and relinquishing your physical self to that of the existence likened to an automation. Society is very Extroverted dominant/preferring for some strange reason. I am not saying either functions are bad, but there's an obvious emphasis in society that says specific functions and perspectives are "right" and others are "wrong" (but then ignoring that there's even such things a "society")

So pretty much that, everyone would rather just resign themselves to being told what to think and what to do all the time? geesh.

But I realize as well that perhaps the "objective parameters of society, are not up for individualistic debate or questioning; but I think that they should at least always be, if you want to live in a free society. But "free" "society" are like, totally "feeler"-y useless philosophical concepts that are to be relegated to the dust heap, correct? they merely do not matter.


Extroverted feelings---always being mindful of what the collective and societal values are, how you "should" feel and think. Objective thinking---more or less the same thing. A cultivated and refined way of looking/thinking about the world where topics and perspectives most be viewed in a certain manner. Which is basically the area of interest that is banned, is it not?


Humanity is being lost in the machinations it imposes to create for itself. Do human beings have free will? (THIS IS PHILOSOPHY, PHILOSOPHY IS POINTLESS, BLAARGH, BURN THE WITCH,)


EVERYTHING IS AN ACT, WE ARE ALL JUST ACTING, ALL OF THE TIME. EVERYTHING IS STAGED, WHAT IS THE GOD DAMN POINT!? ("OMFG, WUT!!? ITS USELESS TO THINK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT") as many would say in replying. And if you question everything, it's turned around on you on a personal level "just ignore it" !!!! that doesn't explain anything.

 

[Blackout]

Society=Gaslights the individual out of existence because all it truly asks for is obedient citizens; not consenting free thinking individuals.

 

[HisKittyKat]

Can you comment on the tendancy to cocoon when you guys need to sort something out of think it over? What are you doing during that process (when to the outside it may look like reading, playing video games, smoking etc)? How do you go about solving the problem at hand? (I've heard some INFPs say that they have to complete tear down the existing stuff and start from scratch) Do you want people to leave you alone, or respectfully check in on you now and again?

Yes going back to the very beginning and making sense of whatever it is that is bothering us. Its time consuming trying to fit all the puzzle pieces, patterns and different circumstances that lead to the Issue. I prefer to be alone during this time however sometimes it takes hours, days even weeks to see clarity, so we don't always have that time alone. This is when you will notice we are checked out mentally, you might here us say, what was that you were asking. When I'm in my sorting mood I can't focus on much of anything else, even if I look like I'm doing something else, my thoughts and my head are totally detached from anything around me. The worse you can do is try and give us advice unless we specifically ask for it. NFPs will ask if they are in need, if not they will snarl at you for interfering with their thought process. This process can be deep and long, so please don't ever leave ??????? marks, or anything related, it doesn't help it only makes us feel very annoyed with you to the point we won't want to be opened or share in our thoughts then or ever.

 

[Population: 1]

INFP 5w4 Male here. I've apparently jumped into a box. Don't box me in man!
Seriously though, I'm very much emotionally reserved in public and even with friends I tend to discuss their issues and emotions in a very empathetic but clinical manner (I'm understanding but not about to cry with you). Also, I tend to discuss beliefs more than feelings when talking. Not sure if that's the 5 in me or male social training (suck it up buttercup mentality we men impose upon ourselves) or both. I just can't relate to the INFP males are softies thing that society pitches. Am I off in the clouds half the time? Absolutely. Am I commanded by a rigid set of personal values? Definitely. Am I over the top masculine? No. Nor am I a trembling bowl of emotional jello.
Anyway, that's my first post here and I'd like to say it's nice to know I'm not alone in being a somewhat disorganized, scatterbrained, introverted idealist.

 

[HisKittyKat]

I think it goes to show how uneducated people are with Fi. To begin with Fi isn't an expression of emotions or feelings, so for those to say Fi especially INFPs are too emotional, you have no Idea what you are talking about. You can ask anyone I know and they would tell you I am NOT an emotional person, actually they would tell you quite the opposite, they wish I was much more emotionally expressive so they could read me better.

And why is Fi so unemotional, well for me personally its completely Illogical and Irrational to go around day to day expressing my emotions for the sake of it. Why would I want to burden others with what I'm feeling all the time, doing so would be the ultimate selfish act a person can do for another.

Fi is all about what we value, not what we feel. Feelings and emotions are two completely different kettle of fish. I may express what I feel about a particular value, however this is not an extension of my core emotions. 9/10 people on public MBTI forums such as this haven't a single clue how Fi is processed. People correlate the F with emotions and Independent expressions with selfishness which in and of itself is quite comical. There is nothing selfish about staying true to your authentic self first, it is a sign of self love to care about and make sure we are happy/content within. Whom ever has a problem with me loving myself enough to base my feelings on whatever makes me feel good , C U, I don't give it any consideration.

It's been said often, and even if I haven't been a member here long, I read it many times over in this forum also. Fi thinks about themselves before other people, hum, so Ignorant. Yes, true Fi doesn't attach our decisions on the object meaning YOU, however Fi is very much about making sure that everyone else is also happy and content in relationships. Fi goes out of its way to make sure the needs of others are taken care of, sometimes to the point of giving others what they need before taking care of ourselves. So you can't have it both ways, sometimes we are stereotyped as selfish, other times as people pleasing, so which one is it ? I'll tell you which one it is, NEITHER. Fi wants to have the ultimate relationship with the self and others equally. However at the end of the day Fi NEEDS to be satisfied with the overall self Internally, so therefore bc we love ourselves first we have to make sure that love is given before we can attempt to love another. Peace ! Carry on and get educated lol

 

[Red Memories]

I think it goes to show how uneducated people are with Fi. To begin with Fi isn't an expression of emotions or feelings, so for those to say Fi especially INFPs are too emotional, you have no Idea what you are talking about. You can ask anyone I know and they would tell you I am NOT an emotional person, actually they would tell you quite the opposite, they wish I was much more emotionally expressive so they could read me better.

And why is Fi so unemotional, well for me personally its completely Illogical and Irrational to go around day to day expressing my emotions for the sake of it. Why would I want to burden others with what I'm feeling all the time, doing so would be the ultimate selfish act a person can do for another.

Fi is all about what we value, not what we feel. Feelings and emotions are two completely different kettle of fish. I may express what I feel about a particular value, however this is not an extension of my core emotions. 9/10 people on public MBTI forums such as this haven't a single clue how Fi is processed. People correlate the F with emotions and Independent expressions with selfishness which in and of itself is quite comical. There is nothing selfish about staying true to your authentic self first, it is a sign of self love to care about and make sure we are happy/content within. Whom ever has a problem with me loving myself enough to base my feelings on whatever makes me feel good , C U, I don't give it any consideration.

It's been said often, and even if I haven't been a member here long, I read it many times over in this forum also. Fi thinks about themselves before other people, hum, so Ignorant. Yes, true Fi doesn't attach our decisions on the object meaning YOU, however Fi is very much about making sure that everyone else is also happy and content in relationships. Fi goes out of its way to make sure the needs of others are taken care of, sometimes to the point of giving others what they need before taking care of ourselves. So you can't have it both ways, sometimes we are stereotyped as selfish, other times as people pleasing, so which one is it ? I'll tell you which one it is, NEITHER. Fi wants to have the ultimate relationship with the self and others equally. However at the end of the day Fi NEEDS to be satisfied with the overall self Internally, so therefore bc we love ourselves first we have to make sure that love is given before we can attempt to love another. Peace ! Carry on and get educated lol

as an Fi I approve this message.

 

[Krys]

Sometimes I find the outwardly indifferent quality of Fi to be a double-edged sword in my life. On one hand, I appreciate the privacy it gives me --my feelings aren't on public display and I like it that way. On the other hand, my best friend (for sure an extrovert and a feeler although i'm uncertain which) sometimes asks me things like "On a scale of one to ten how much do you love me?" as a joke mostly but it's one of those half-serious ones. I'm usually okay with this, but when she wants more overt displays of verbal affection. Well...I've always been terribly hesitant to voice that kind of stuff. It makes me wildly uncomfortable because my emotions are so intense, and when i do it, I have to purposefully change my tone of voice because my normal one lacks inflection --so i always sound disingenuous, which is far from the truth! I feel really bad about it and I've told her that I'm not naturally good at it, but I think she's translated that into me being kind of callous?

An example: She likes reading astrology signs and jokes that mine (Cancer) sounds nothing like me. "You're not motherly at all," she said.

I mean it's mostly true: I'm not. But does she not think I'll be there for her? I'm probably reading too much into this but combined with other things, mostly tonal shifts, slips of the tongue, and other such clues, i've intuited that she doesn't think I'll do things for her when she needs me to. Probably also my own fault: Fi means that if I don't feel like going out I'm going to say no, or if I dont want to watch a certain tv show because it doesnt interest me, I wont. which i think she sees as rejection.

Another time we were talking about star wars, and she said that i was nothing like Luke because I would never drop everything to go help her, and would instead complete my training because it was what needed to be done. (Y'know that scene when Luke stops his training with Yoda to go help his friends). I think she meant it as a compliment in a weird way, that I'm oh so logical or something, but that kinda hurt. I didn't say anything back because I guess I feel like i kinda dug my own hole? although the fact that luke is also a Fi user was just soooo ironic on so many levels.

I guess i'm unloading here a bit but if this isn't an INFP problem, then woooopsy doodle. Anyway if anyone has advice, I am all ears.

 

[❀༺♥༻ℭ𝔞𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔞_𝔄𝔦𝔰𝔩𝔦𝔫𝔤༺♥༻❀༺]

Can you comment on the tendancy to cocoon when you guys need to sort something out of think it over? What are you doing during that process (when to the outside it may look like reading, playing video games, smoking etc)? How do you go about solving the problem at hand? (I've heard some INFPs say that they have to complete tear down the existing stuff and start from scratch) Do you want people to leave you alone, or respectfully check in on you now and again?

^That is definitely my coping mechanism, if I'm upset I have a tendency to immerse myself in everything that matters to me. Usually it's my favorite music, movies, and youtube. The latter might sound strange, but I like to look at creative & emotional animated short films and a few creative youtubers I follow. All of this helps me think things through, reminds me of who I am, what matters to me, stuff like that. I guess being around everything I like helps me feel more like "me" and I get a clearer perspective. I also write, I don't usually know where to start but then I end up hoping I don't use up too many pages in my journal haha. I think my process is very intricate, so it's hard to explain. But essentially I try to just embrace what I feel and why first. Then I move on to what the other person may have felt. Then after that I decide if I should feel better or worse. It takes really long to go through all this but it does help me in the end. Typically I like to be left alone, but depending on the problem or the person I wouldn't mind them comforting me.

My other infp problems:
-I'm definitely very idealistic, sometimes I wish what I felt matched up better with reality but I'm also very aware of its harshness, I'm starting to get better at keeping my expectations realistic though. I also tend to idealise people, believing that if I just treat them well and make them feel loved, that I'll get the same in return. But it's always easier for people to be loved than to love.
-I am very guarded. I want people to get to know me yet I'm very reserved. I guess I want to see genuine consistent interest in me so I feel ready to open up. Good listening and trusting them is key too, if they talk more than listen or have bad attention spans I wont confide. If they gossip or have some other trait I dislike, then I also wont open up. If they don't try to understand then I also don't share.
-I'm awful at verbal communication. With writing its so much easier for me to express my thoughts and real feelings. I never say enough when I speak, or it doesn't come across the way I want it to. And i end up frustrated with myself because it just makes people confused or they come to a conclusion that isnt true. It's especially awful when I cant make my point because all my thoughts get jumbled and I'm feeling really emotional.
-I'm very sensitive, I have gotten better at laughing things off and putting up with a lot. But then I get upset when people take advantage of that. I partially blame myself for letting it happen, but I also don't wanna be a crybaby haha..
-I don't voice my needs enough, I expect people to realize them and treat me with the same love I give them. When people don't treat me the way I want them to I become distant from them.
-I let people underestimate my abilities a lot, even though I know what I'm capable of.
-I doubt myself a lot too, which holds me back.
-I can be passive, sometimes too much. But lately I feel like that's been getting way better.
-I can procrastinate really bad sometimes, probably to make up for being clean and organized most of the time (blame it on ISxJ parents lol)

there's probably more but I can't really think of it right now lol

 

[Red Memories]

idealism makes it hard to tolerate reality sometimes.

 

[Lord Lavender]

He he he he the biggest common INFP problem is being INFP he he he he he he. If you look over there you shall see a ENTP smirking . Opps hes not there now he he h ehe.

 

[Red Memories]

He he he he the biggest common INFP problem is being INFP he he he he he he. If you look over there you shall see a ENTP smirking . Opps hes not there now he he h ehe.

get out of our pretty thread you evil cat

 

[Abcdenfp]

INFP 5w4 Male here. I've apparently jumped into a box. Don't box me in man! Seriously though, I'm very much emotionally reserved in public and even with friends I tend to discuss their issues and emotions in a very empathetic but clinical manner (I'm understanding but not about to cry with you). Also, I tend to discuss beliefs more than feelings when talking. Not sure if that's the 5 in me or male social training (suck it up buttercup mentality we men impose upon ourselves) or both. I just can't relate to the INFP males are softies thing that society pitches. Am I off in the clouds half the time? Absolutely. Am I commanded by a rigid set of personal values? Definitely. Am I over the top masculine? No. Nor am I a trembling bowl of emotional jello. Anyway, that's my first post here and I'd like to say it's nice to know I'm not alone in being a somewhat disorganized, scatterbrained, introverted idealist.