Please disregard if this doesn't apply to you. No such thing as universal truth in my humble opinion.
- Initially trusting people but then growing to find out they're not as great as my imagination made them out to be.
- Using my imagination to create my own sense of identity because I fear that I have no unique identity at all.
- Making bad life choices because I was trying to be somebody I'm not.
- Wasting too much time. Procrastination on a *massive scale*
- Not being able to stay employed for long. So far anyway. I hope this changes and I can keep a solid occupation. I need one.
- Taking things personally without even realizing I was taking it personally. I just thought the person meant to offend me. Feel free to tell me otherwise.
- Falling into a fantasy type of love with almost anybody that both brings out the best in me, and makes me feel better just to be around them.
- Seeing the best in almost everybody else thus making me feel very insecure about myself. This also leads to me having an unrealistic view of famous people that did bad things. (For example, I like Joseph Stalin, even though I am well aware of all the evil things he did to so many people. Not trying to defend him but he had an abusive father, which probably led to him joining Lenin. Please don't try to convince me that I shouldn't like him. I'm just willing to overlook his vices. I think everybody does that to some extent with famous people they want to admire.)
1. Yes, I've come to terms with why INFPs get the "naive" label sometimes. It stems from giving too much benefit of the doubt and seeing people in terms of their potential instead of who they are actually showing up as. That bubble definitely bursts eventually.
2. Yes
3. Not sure about that....I have made some good life choices because of this! Stepping outside my ego was a good thing.
I have also made some common choices which people are sold that they should do, and I found they did not make me happy. I don't think I was trying to be someone else, but I actually bought into the illusion.
4. I have had weeks, months, years that I have wasted in "chrysalis" mode (credit [MENTION=20783]Grey[/MENTION]beard for that). But maybe it was not a waste if I came out certain insights into myself and life. Some people never get there until the infamous midlife crisis. I procrastinate mildly on a smaller scale, but deadlines are enough to motivate me and I usually meet them with success. Goofing off is also a part of my creative process.
5. I have never been fired and all employers have been sad to see me go. I dont get jobs easily as I make bad first impressions and have trouble selling myself. I am valued over time though. I also do get very sick of a job approx 1 year in. The first 6 months are great, the next 6 tolerable, and then I am extremely bored of it. I did stick with a job for 3.5 years once. That was the longest thus far....
6. I have been told I do this sometimes, but I also think others can be passive-aggressive and deny it when you call them on their BS. Mostly I now chalk up stuff to being about the other person (ie their own insecurity) which makes it easier to brush off. I also remind myself how much I stick my foot in my mouth.
7. No. I am even picky about fantasy loves.
I tend to instead project a fantasy onto someone who has some semblance of some ideal. I have lessened this by paying attention to how I actually feel DURING interactions with them. Often, I find there was no real attraction or even
liking of the person, but it was just a fantasy that I stuck on them. So payng attention to how I feel in real time has been helpful in lessening this. It might be nice to like someone because they actually make me feel GOOD.
8. Hm, I never thought how seeing the best in people was affecting me that way! I always thought this was a good trait, but I see now how it fuels envy and too-high expectations for myself. Of course, when this bubble pops (as previously noted), the pendulum can swing to exaggerated criticism of the person.... :X
Do you guys use humour to hide/protect your inner sanctum from invaders? Act sarcastic or silly to keep people at a certain distance? Do you ever feel like you have an external persona that acts as a shield, and helps you meet surface demands? Do most people realize how sensitive you truly are?
I find my playful side a vulnerable aspect of myself. I usually don't get humorous/silly with people until comfortable. People may think I am quite serious until then. This has eased up a bit with age though.
I probably do use sarcasm to obscure. The wry, half-jokes are a way of revealing feelings that seem too vulnerable to be discussed straight-on. Instead of keeping people at a distance, I feel like I am testing the water with them.
The external persona I have is a really reserved, blank person. I can even seem emotionless to some, but not in the robotic way of an IxTJ. Internally I am pretty colorful and perhaps even emotionally intense, but in many surface interactions I don't convey much personality. My close family and friends think I am a "character", in contrast. I think it is more of a shell than a persona....
This has lessened a LOT with age, although initially or in certain situations I may still appear very reserved. I feel less
inhibited now than simply trying to reserve energy for when I, uh,
care more.
As for meeting surface demands, besides conserving energy by going blank, I probably am just polite, but aloof. I can unfortunately garner suspicion because I don't volunteer much info about myself. Because I like fashion, people may also think I am shallow. I dont seek to prove I am deep or smart though. Given my online rep for being a bit heavy, that's probably surprising.
I think people misinterpret my sensitivity. They think it is all about me and not larger values, things which affect other people too. They also project offense onto me when I feel none. They tiptoe when it's unnecessary. I think this is because when I am sensitive, they don't know or understand why, making it unpredictable to them. I don't think I am more sensitive than others, given how much will roll off my back that offends others, but it is over such different stuff (often very hard to pinpoint in concrete terms) that it seems like I am especially sensitive. So they do see how sensitive I am, I think, but they still don't get it.
