I was bullied nonstop in elementary school and then a little in middle and high school. In elementary school, I got picked on because I was always overwhelmed by so many people everywhere, which made me vulnerable. One boy started by taking advantage of my gullibility--I was 5. He later berated me, at 7, on the playground to the point where he'd make me cry in public just about every week.
The worst part about those years, is I think it ended up causing me to be very reserved and suspicious of people in general. It kept me from being open to people. I feel like I decided then that the world was a really horrible place and I would, from then on, escape it in my head as much as humanly possible. I also would go home after school and hit my brother when he annoyed me in the slightest. I feel very bad still for being so mean to him, but it made me feel a little better at the time. I stopped doing this when I changed schools and went home after school instead of my grandmother's.
Then in middle school, in band, this girl assigned to sit next to me would tell me my mother was a whore and I didn't deserve her, all this utter nonsense. I kept trying to tell the teacher to change where we sat, but she didn't listen (I think she was too busy screaming at the class most of the time). I didn't believe her and I tried to ignore her, but she would dig her nails into my thighs so I'd pay attention to her. I wanted to shove my clarinet down her throat. Eventually my mother told the school and a counselor took care of it.
In high school as a freshman I got picked on by these two girls. I got my hair pulled, pencils poked at my neck, asked annoying questions. I was told by all my classmates that they "hated" me whenever I did well. I usually either felt sorry for myself or incredibly incensed.
I never learned how to stand up to a bully. I usually just went home and cried. My parents told me to do it, but, dammit, I wasn't very confrontational. I just wanted everyone to go away. It all stopped, I think, was when I found a couple of friends and generally adopted a bit of a scowl for a neutral expression. When I stopped walking like I was trying to skulk away from reality.
I don't know how I would have turned out without being put down all the time. Probably way more confident and a little more outgoing. It's sad that only now I'm starting to become those things. I feel like all my life I've been like a plant stuck in the dark and deprived of sunlight.
I'm not sure why people are bullies. I think sometimes they come from families where their parents yell at them and are cruel to them all the time. So they take their frustration out on other people and because they get to be in control of that other person, it makes them feel better. They feel better because they have some sense of control in their life. Something makes sense to them. Maybe it's also because they're emmulating their parents in that way. In that specific case they were brought up to believe that there are those with power (the parents) and those without power (the child) and those with power get all the rewards.
Maybe they're just bullies because they're naturally sadistic. Or they're neglected and want attention, but they don't know how to get positive attention from people, only negative.
) that bullied me pretty relentlessly, I assume because I was quiet, poor, and dressed like a dork and I had trouble figuring out how to handle that. I could handle the overt physical intimidation better than the more subtle, verbal stuff. Funny because I, like Lat, was usually the youngest kid in my class along with being very small for my age. It's just that when people try that stuff with my, I go kind of crazy and it I guess it sort of catches people off guard.
It might seem to work on the surface, but the gossip directed towards that person and the social exclusion that they can suffer as a result can be worse than any punch that can be thrown thier way.
