[ESFJ] Ask an ESFJ

[Haven]

Damn I knew I couldn't fake being a nice person

 

[chubber]

Damn I knew I couldn't fake being a nice person

How do you normally motivate people?

 

[Haven]

By Taunting them mercilessly and then trying to show them a clear path to victory! Nothing like being pissed off with a clear and immediate goal to destroy.

 

[chubber]

By Taunting them mercilessly and then trying to show them a clear path to victory! Nothing like being pissed off with a clear and immediate goal to destroy.

Are you specifically sadistic, or do you think that is a trait that runs among ESFJs?

 

[baccheion]

[MENTION=17495]CapLawyer[/MENTION] it is generally better to just be a dick than to be a secretive, underhanded dick. The esfj hate thread exists for this purpose.

I'm not really being a dick (would you like me to show you what I'm like when being a dick?), but what was so secretive about what I was doing?

 

[garbage]

Holy loaded questions, Batman

 

[Cellmold]

By Taunting them mercilessly and then trying to show them a clear path to victory! Nothing like being pissed off with a clear and immediate goal to destroy.

I enjoy making myself the enemy in order to galvanise others into action.

Still ESFJ is a good type for me. People don't have to feel guilty about trivialising me then.

After all, there is always another ESFJ to replace the last.

 

[Anew Leaf]

Well, inside every INTP there is a teething ESFJ just waiting to pop out and bake pumpkin bars.

 

[Cellmold]

Well, inside every INTP there is a teething ESFJ just waiting to pop out and bake pumpkin bars.

 

[Haven]

Are you specifically sadistic, or do you think that is a trait that runs among ESFJs?

I'm a little sadistic, can't speak for others

 

[chubber]

I'm a little sadistic, can't speak for others

 

[chubber]

Are you ESFJs drawn masochists?

 

[Cellmold]

Are you ESFJs drawn masochists?

Only towards spending money on clothes and gossip....GAWD I LOVE GOSSIP.

Gives me a massive....well just generally a massive.

It's like game of thrones, there is this whole hierarchy of bitching that goes on and the objective is to be top bitcher, by having more plays in your hand than anyone else.

Bonus points for rumour spreading.

 

[RaptorWizard]

ESFJs, what is the meaning of love?

 

[AzulEyes]

ESFJs- what do you think of ENFPs?

 

[Honor]

ESFJs- what do you think of ENFPs?

I'm a massive fan!

ESFJs, what is the meaning of love?

Romantic love specifically or love in general?

 

[Showbread]

ESFJs- what do you think of ENFPs?

I'm definitely a fan as well. I have one good friend who is an ENFP, love spending time with her. I think my only complaint is that I find them consistently flakey.

 

[RaptorWizard]

Romantic love specifically or love in general?

Love is a very expansive concept; however you would like to project it works for me!

 

[Honor]

Love is a very expansive concept; however you would like to project it works for me!

I would break down the meaning of love into two aspects, biological and psychosocial. Part of love's meaning is that it leads people to reproduce, so it's necessary for the survival of the species. I consider that to be the biological or evolutionary 'meaning' of love. I think it means more than that though; it creates social bonds between individuals, families, and even brings rival groups of people together. More than that, it changes our psychology and makes our experience of life feel more fulfilling. In fact, I think that there are few things that give us quite as much of that psychological fulfillment (i.e. that feeling that life is worth it and that our reality has more than satisfied us) that I believe we are meant to seek out.

 

[Sakedon]

How do you feel about being on a forum that's dominated by INxx types? How well do you get along with INTPs? ISTPs? (the other Ti dominant type)

- Being on a forum with primarily INXX types, I'm not bothered so much. I keep to the topics that interest me the most, and haven't yet got into a heated debate with anyone. Sometimes I get annoyed, as you know, when there's blatant type-bashing going on in the forum, but I don't think it's INXX specific. I think I get on with INTPs just fine. To my knowledge, I've never met an ISTP. I'll let you know when or if it happens.

• What do you like/hate about INTPs?
  
  - I like that there's generally more than meets the eye. Sure, I generally have to make the first move, but underneath all their barriers there's generally a likeable person. Their overthinking however, drives me batty. Sometimes, when they've cycled through the same scenario for the fifth time, and calculated and re-calculated all the possible outcomes, I want to just grab them by the shoulders and shake them. Commit to a plan of action, make a decision, move forward and get it done. The INTPs I've met move a bit slow for me. I tend to lose my patience, especially when the things they stress about seem so minor.
  
• Can you explain this annoying trend I keep noticing where ESFJs think they are better than INTPs?
  
  - You're reading too much into things and you're oversensitive to your short comings? I don't think INTPs are broken, but I do find their behaviour confusing sometimes. I wouldn't ever consider myself 'better' than someone else because their opinions and approaches are different than my own. But that doesn't mean I won't find these things frustrating. Try asking for clarification directly to the person you're experiencing conflict with sometime.
  
• Can you explain why I keep noticing that ESFJs sees every fault of an INTP (whether real or imagined) as insufferable and unacceptable, while thinking their own faults should be tolerated and accepted (or while thinking they are perfect and have the right point of view on everything)?
  
  - It sounds like you have some misdirected anger issues and you're blaming this on type. If again, you are "noticing these things" and having repeated conflicts with a person or person(s) in question, and are so offended, perhaps you should take this up directly with them instead of whining that all people with this letter type behave in this way and demand an explanation.
  
• What's with the sex thing? I hear that after any little squabble, or after any perceived slight (usually imagined) ESFJs stop "putting out" as a retaliatory mechanism.
  
  - I have never used sex as a retaliatory mechanism, and I personally think that anyone who does couldn't possibly care for their partner. Sex is something to be shared between people in love (or engaged in by people in private agreement to other terms), not to be used as a bargaining chip or a punishment. Maybe you're talking about make-up sex? When couples are intimate after a fight to show one another that things are fine and no ill feelings still remain. I doubt that's only an ESFJ 'thing' though.
  
• Why does everything become something that offends you or that you see as a slight?
  
  - Everything does not become something offensive or seen as a slight.
  
• Why do you say nice things to people, then talk shit about them behind their back?
  
  - Again, I doubt this is an ESFJ only trait. It's clear that whatever dealings you've had with ESFJs in the past have been negative, or (I imagine) you wouldn't have approached so many questions from an accusatory, negative tone. I think I'm done here.
  
• Why are you so convinced that your way is the correct way, even when proven wrong?
• Do you think there is something wrong with overreacting, or reacting to things so emotionally?
• Why do you so strongly believe things should be done in a certain way, while showing very little flexibility even when you end up being wrong?
• Why would you annoy and try to get an introvert to socialize more, or think something is wrong with them because they don't? Why would you continue doing this even after reading about and supposedly understanding who they are?
• What personality type have you gotten along best with?
• Do you get along with other guardians, like ISTJs?
• Have you ever been seduced? How did it happen?
• Is it a pain having sex with you (need lots of attention to relax, not open to new things, complain if something is even slightly off from how you think it should be done)?
• What makes you think someone is special?
• Where have you noticed emotional strength/resiliency?
• What does intimacy mean to you?
• Do you think INTPs enjoy your "showering" of Fe? Do you back off when they tell you or it becomes obvious that they are uncomfortable, or do you shower them with it to watch them become annoyed, miserable, and uncomfortable?
• Do you have an agenda with everything you do?
• How open-minded are you? Has anything caused you to become more open-minded (if so, then what)?
• Why are you so controlling and sometimes rigid (especially when you know you should lay off)? What's going through your mind when you flare up and start becoming so?

How do you normally motivate people?

- I speak to them from my heart. I tell them what I see, how I feel, what I think their chances of success will be based on the factors at hand and any advice I feel may be of use to them should they choose to take it.

Are you specifically sadistic, or do you think that is a trait that runs among ESFJs?

- I can be. But I won't speak for every ESFJ.

Are you ESFJs drawn masochists?

- My boyfriend would say I'm a glutton for punishment. That I always put everyone else first, even if it means running myself into the ground. He has vowed to show me a better way, and to not feel guilty in being a bit selfish.

ESFJs, what is the meaning of love?

- To give the best of yourself to someone. To share in good times and bad. To help each other, to heal each other, to feel, to share experiences and make memories.

ESFJs- what do you think of ENFPs?

- Only one I know here, is you So far I think they're really kind. I wish we had more of a chance to talk.