Are you wary of Fe?

[Eric B]

Duty is merely the obligation one has to a higher group. Duty as far as "it has to be done" is certainly the realm of SJs, but patriotism/nationalism is very much a Fe situation - taking the tribal instinct (extraverted feeling) and expanding it to a nation-state.

No that's still Si. Have you ever heard the term "Call of Duty"? That is what duty is all about. Nationalism is all about Si.

I've noted that STJ's do often appear to use Fe "group values", and in terms of stuff like "appropriateness", but this would be more from the Si and its sense of duty to the establishment.

 

[sculpting]

So you are the appointed judge and jury to decide how she should react to her own personal illness? You get to judge her for not being as *strong* as you believe yourself to be? How is this even Fi/Fe? I am not seeing the Fe in her behavior on this issue.

Since when was it only an Fe trait to complain when one feels sick or to relate the personal events of one's life to a friend?

It sounds more like misunderstanding between the two of you and compassion fatigue on your part, unrelated to any specific personality type.

Totally aside from the fact that I don't understand how you've been able to judge from the outside looking in that her pain is always mild....People are Individuals. They each have their own strong and weak points, their own individual breaking points.



Why are you required to feel pain and guilt? Does she really desire this or is it your own internal fear and distaste for illness and pain?

There's a book called But You Look So Good, you ought to read it.

Heart, let me reframe the problem. My intention was to show an example of where I felt an Fe person was acting in a way that felt odd to me. I dont understand what she is seeking or why she is seeking it. Thus the post on this thread.

Let me tell you what she is doing. She sucks at her job-long before her wrist started aching. She is weak and ineffective in her position as a project manager and is basically an admin. Again and again me and my entp have had to step in and push or just take over. She is so passive and passive agressive, that she has crippled multiple projects. Everyone needs to be nice in meetings is her mandate-so nothing gets accomplished.

We have started avoiding her. Her passive actions have done too much damage to efforts other members of my team have put forth. She is frozen by niceness and will not move forth if anyone will get upset. Me and my entp love her as a friend but working with her has become very painful.

So then she shows up in my office. Then I feel she uses her pain as a tool to make me feel sorry for her and to seek forgiveness for her half hearted efforts and passive agressive behaviors.... Hidden pain is a daily friend of mine. But I do not use it against other people as a tool.

My apologies as I did not frame the problem with the correct background info to allow appreciation of why I felt she was using Fe as a manipulative tool.

 

[EJCC]

I haven't read the whole thread, so pardon me if I backtrack or repeat a previous point, or am generally unhelpful...

Seize a moment in there and take control back - for example, there's a moment where you say "Jane, you must feel overwhelmed, but it seems like you are handling everything so well. Let's take a tea break." Or, "Walk me to the elevator so I can deliver this to Jim." (Insert real smiley in convo LOL!) This helps maintain control. You can give her everything she needs, but you can end this convo when it is right for you too, without any sense of cutting her off, and without you draining your battery. Watch ENFJ's - they do this brilliantly.

See, I'm usually not wary of Fe, because, since I rarely lie, I tend to (irrationally) assume that other people are generally truthful, so when I see things like this, it gives me cause to doubt. I quoted this example, because my best friend is an ENFJ who has done this exact thing to me on numerous occasions. And it makes me sad to think that there's been a motive this whole time. I hate being the stupid one - the one being used and controlled without my knowledge because I'm too ignorant to know the difference. And yet, that seems to be how it is with him, and maybe with others. Who knows?

But anyways, here's an example of a time when I HAVE been wary of Fe (even though I'm usually not):
At least 2/3 of my dorm-mates this year have been xSFJ. When I walk down the hall, they're always cheery and smiling at me like I'm their bestest buddy, and when that happens, I can't help but think "They can't love EVERYBODY, and yet they act like they do. So how am I supposed to know where I stand with them? I can't read their secret Fe code!! "

And when I used to ask questions like that to my aforementioned ENFJ BFF, I'd get answers like "I dunno. I don't rank my friends." Which makes sense technically, but it's more proof of how differently we think, because at the time my internal response was "That's helpful. Thank you. "

But to answer the question in the OP: I'm wary of a certain type of Fe (i.e. nice/cheery/undiscriminating with everyone), but I'm usually not in the loop enough to be wary of anything