Acting Out, Anyone?

[Halla74]

I have been told that in the past, when I got really perturbed about something, I "acted out" as means of expressing my aggravations.

Synarch has stated this as well I believe.

QUESTIONS:
------------
(1) Define "acting out?"

(2) What is the mechanism behind someone choosing action over words to communicate?

(3) Is this a EXTP thing? (Synarch = ENTP, Halla = ESTP) Or do other types do this as well?

(4) Any other info?

 

[Charmed Justice]

Acting out is no different than having a temper tantrum, and I completely matured beyond that at the tender age of 3.**cough**

It's simply explosive anger that results in diarrhea of the mouth or actions.
I don't know what the mechanism is behind it all, but when I'm acting out I choose actions+words, not one over the other.
It's not an EXTP at all. The rare times that I get really angry, it's ugly. I think it has more to do with how you saw adults around you handle their anger when you were younger. I think it's also likely that more passionate and intense types express their anger in this way.

 

[Halla74]

Acting out is no different than having a temper tantrum, and I completely matured beyond that at the tender age of 3.**cough**

Bwaaahhhh!!! Very funny! I understand this statement, but from what I have gathered the range of expression is far different/more broad than a classic "temper tantrum" or "hissy fit."

It's simply explosive anger that results in diarrhea of the mouth or actions.

Ah ha. Again, I can see this as a possibility, but in mine this has not been the case. I might leave for many hours after an argument. I might buy a certain expensive piece of electronics w/o prior consultation. Maybe even the silent treatment when angry is acting out via pre-meditated cessation of communication. But, I have never had an explosive fit of anger where I had mouth diarrhea or did something juvenile like broke a piece of furniture or something. If I get really pissed I will raise my voice, but that's yelling, not acting out, right?

I don't know what the mechanism is behind it all, but when I'm acting out I choose actions+words, not one over the other.
It's not an EXTP at all. The rare times that I get really angry, it's ugly. I think it has more to do with how you saw adults around you handle their anger when you were younger. I think it's also likely that more passionate and intense types express their anger in this way.

Good points. Yes, I rarely get really angry, but when I do I really get freaking pissed off. Thankfully I disengage when I do get as such, because I know that I am very good at arguing, completely unafraid of conflict, and able to mow over people for any reason whatsoever if I want to win regardless of being right/wrong about something. That would be using my ESTP powers for evil purposes, of which I consciously choose not to do, as I am a good fellow.

Passionate and intense types? Huh. I am intense. I am passionate, but not emotional. Interesting.

How I saw adults handle these times in their lives? Bingo. You've hit bedrock I think. My Dad is an ESTJ retireed Army Colonel. It was his way or the highway, Ha! Despite being an excellent Father and outstanding provider, he was very much hell bent and determined to live as he pleased and do as he pleased when he pleased and how he pleased. I must have learned to execute unilateral moves from observing that pattern of behavior. My Mother got really silent when she was pissed.

Bottom line is that somehow, anger/resentment/pain must be resolved. Communication is not always easy during such times, and somehow that energy will seep out, and sometimes it is in the form of actions, subconsciously or pre-meditated.

 

[Jaguar]

The rare times that I get really angry, it's ugly. I think it has more to do with how you saw adults around you handle their anger when you were younger. I think it's also likely that more passionate and intense types express their anger in this way.

I have to agree with that.

 

[Charmed Justice]

Bwaaahhhh!!! Very funny! I understand this statement, but from what I have gathered the range of expression is far different/more broad than a classic "temper tantrum" or "hissy fit."

Yes, that is true. Adults have more freedom of movement and action, so our behaviors would be more reflective of that.

Ah ha. Again, I can see this as a possibility, but in mine this has not been the case. I might leave for many hours after an argument. I might buy a certain expensive piece of electronics w/o prior consultation. Maybe even the silent treatment when angry is acting out via pre-meditated cessation of communication. But, I have never had an explosive fit of anger where I had mouth diarrhea or did something juvenile like broke a piece of furniture or something. If I get really pissed I will raise my voice, but that's yelling, not acting out, right?

Heh! Stonewalling and making unilateral moves is acting out for sure.

I totally get diarrhea of the mouth of the mouth when I'm pissed though. I wish I could stonewall because I think it actually burns people more. Teach me. I want to learn.

As far as breaking stuff or hitting, that's never been my style either. I'm not a door slammer, but I know a lot of introverts that act out in that way. They huff and puff, stop talking, and then go into another room, slamming the door shut behind them.

I would also include yelling in anger a form of "acting out".

Good points. Yes, I rarely get really angry, but when I do I really get freaking pissed off. Thankfully I disengage when I do get as such, because I know that I am very good at arguing, completely unafraid of conflict, and able to mow over people for any reason whatsoever if I want to win regardless of being right/wrong about something. That would be using my ESTP powers for evil purposes, of which I consciously choose not to do, as I am a good fellow.

You T types are good at disengaging. I can disengage over the course of months, but when my limit is hit, I know how to be a jerk. The worst thing I've done in anger though is curse someone out royally; bringing their mother, father, sister and brother into my diatribe. ENFPs have evil powers too, and we know what buttons to push. I've always been a pretty peaceful person, but I will argue to the death.

Passionate and intense types? Huh. I am intense. I am passionate, but not emotional. Interesting.

F types are for sure more likely to be emotional, but I have seen some angry emo T types.

How I saw adults handle these times in their lives? Bingo. You've hit bedrock I think. My Dad is an ESTJ retireed Army Colonel. It was his way or the highway, Ha! Despite being an excellent Father and outstanding provider, he was very much hell bent and determined to live as he pleased and do as he pleased when he pleased and how he pleased. I must have learned to execute unilateral moves from observing that pattern of behavior. My Mother got really silent when she was pissed.

Yes, this was my family life too. My mother was an ESTJ Army Colonel too!!! Ok... she wasn't an Army Colonel. She is an ESTJ though, and it is still her way or the highway. I chose the highway.

My diarrhea of the mouth is a habitual development which likely originated with me feeling as though I had to consistently make desperate attempts to prove myself to ever be correct.

Bottom line is that somehow, anger/resentment/pain must be resolved. Communication is not always easy during such times, and somehow that energy will seep out, and sometimes it is in the form of actions, subconsciously or pre-meditated.

Totally agreed.

 

[prplchknz]

if their's a miscommunication I'll either say "I'm not talking to you," even if I clearly was or go "humans!" and walk off/shake my head.

I can have a short temper and its usually over trivial things things that I should get upset over I feel very little like I'm backwards. but I'm not backwards, only sort of.

 

[Halla74]

Yes, that is true. Adults have more freedom of movement and action, so our behaviors would be more reflective of that.

I don't know if it's a gift or a curse, Hah!

Heh! Stonewalling and making unilateral moves is acting out for sure.

I totally get diarrhea of the mouth of the mouth when I'm pissed though. I wish I could stonewall because I think it actually burns people more. Teach me. I want to learn.

Oooooh, stonewalling is good to know how to dish out if you need to. It is actually a VERY destructive tactic with regard to interpersonal relations, but if its a piss ant co-worker or peer in a social group it can throw them off balance with very little effort.

As far as teaching it, I guess the easiest way to do it is to deliver a final statement during the preliminary dispute letting the transgressor know of your complete disdain for them/their thinking/their actions/etc., then give the the look of disgust, then walk off calmly and do not communicate with them as long as needed. You can say minimal things if you are in a group of some sorts with them to remain civil, but you are still effectively stonewalling them as you are disallowing them closure or the opportunity to make amends. Very, very nasty trick that is, especially if the other person knows that your temper/ability to deal with them is fierce, they will choose not to engage and live in your "exile."

As far as breaking stuff or hitting, that's never been my style either. I'm not a door slammer, but I know a lot of introverts that act out in that way. They huff and puff, stop talking, and then go into another room, slamming the door shut behind them.

I would also include yelling in anger a form of "acting out".

Door slamming is such a sissy thing to do.

You T types are good at disengaging. I can disengage over the course of months, but when my limit is hit, I know how to be a jerk. The worst thing I've done in anger though is curse someone out royally; bringing their mother, father, sister and brother into my diatribe. ENFPs have evil powers too, and we know what buttons to push. I've always been a pretty peaceful person, but I will argue to the death.

F types are for sure more likely to be emotional, but I have seen some angry emo T types.

Disengagement is a T thing, I agree with you. We are like "The Borg" in Star Trek, once we determine someone doesn't matter they fundamentally do not exist and we do not deal with them. Same for relationship breakups. When they are done, they are done.

Yes, this was my family life too. My mother was an ESTJ Army Colonel too!!! Ok... she wasn't an Army Colonel. She is an ESTJ though, and it is still her way or the highway. I chose the highway.

Ha! Good move! You found peace on the open road!

My diarrhea of the mouth is a habitual development which likely originated with me feeling as though I had to consistently make desperate attempts to prove myself to ever be correct.

At least you are letting it all out, at someone else's expense. Stress is better to give than receive. Bottling up anger will only hurt you, it's better to take it out on those that angered you, if they truly are in the wrong. If they are not then mouth diarrhea is abusive. My wife's friend called her last night and bitched for an hour on the phone. My wife said "I didn't get a word in the whole damn time." I told her the worst part of it all is that she lost an hour of her life listening to that crap and no good came of it. Then she got pissed.

 

[Charmed Justice]

I don't know if it's a gift or a curse, Hah!

I'll take the NF fence sitting option and go with "both".

Oooooh, stonewalling is good to know how to dish out if you need to. It is actually a VERY destructive tactic with regard to interpersonal relations, but if its a piss ant co-worker or peer in a social group it can throw them off balance with very little effort.

I totally agree. Stonewalling burns, and does have the effect of pushing very close people in your life away. Someone in my life has learned that lesson the hard way. My desire to connect and understand makes it difficult for me to do, but I'm sure I could totally do the below with a random associate, haha! Thanks for the pointers!

Door slamming is such a sissy thing to do.

My gawd! Tell. me. about. it!:steam:

Once we determine someone doesn't matter they fundamentally do not exist and we do not deal with them. Same for relationship breakups. When they are done, they are done.

That is so very true. Do you just not think about the person anymore(like a switch that turns off?), or is it that you make a conscientious decision to not deal with them one day at a time?
So now you've got me sitting here trying to figure out rather I've ever made anyone disappear, and I can't think of anyone. It's hard for me to shut people completely down and out of my life. Of course, then I end up with an occasional toxic human in my presence and I don't know what to do with them.

Ha! Good move! You found peace on the open road!

Well, still finding it, but I'm getting there. I still feel guilty sometimes for not doing all the things that are expected of me, but I realized that I was just selling myself short in acquiescing to the demands of someone who doesn't want the same thing for me as I want for myself.

At least you are letting it all out, at someone else's expense. Stress is better to give than receive. Bottling up anger will only hurt you, it's better to take it out on those that angered you, if they truly are in the wrong. If they are not then mouth diarrhea is abusive.

Yea, oral diarrhea is my way of taking a stand. I only do it when feel like I've been severely and repetitively taken advantage of or mistreated, which is very unusual.

My wife's friend called her last night and bitched for an hour on the phone. My wife said "I didn't get a word in the whole damn time." I told her the worst part of it all is that she lost an hour of her life listening to that crap and no good came of it. Then she got pissed.

Haha! That kinda of drama is familiar to women everywhere.
I had one big blow out with a friend of my mine when we were living together in college. It's the only blow out or serious argument I've ever had with any good friend of mine. We had been friends for six years, and had never so much as disagreed up until then. Hell, we even dated brothers because our taste was so similar.

Nonetheless, we spent three days in a bitter battle our Freshman year of college, and finally just stopped talking to each other the rest of the semester. Women. I would come into the room, and she would be within arm's distance of me, and we would just completely ignore each other. This went on for five months, until I moved out and back home. Talk about a waste. Of course, we got over it months later ,and we've been best friends again ever since. Blame it on estrogen.