[ISFJ] a female ISFJ who acts selfishly?

[Totenkindly]

Not speaking for myself, this is what I have experienced from the ISFJs I know. One of them I'm sure she must feel selfish sometimes and she does on occasion hint at being discontented with something but it's hardly noticeable because she immediately downplays those feelings or dismisses them. She also seems very happy for the most part.

The feelings are still there, though.

And if an ISFJ is in a situation where they're constantly getting the short end of the stick, the stress will get too much. Traditionally, they are the type most able to put nose-to-grindstone, head in the trenches, and plow on without complaint through thick and thin, snow and rain.

It doesn't mean they're able to maintain that, though, depending on the circumstances. Eventually they WILL wear down. Also, sometimes anger at others is deflected into anger at self. It's still selfishness, because it's refusing to allow themselves to be a human being and it's refusing to forgive the other people involved (if you deflect the anger, you don't have to give it up, and internal anger gives people a sense of control and entitlement).

On the surface, I can see why y'all might think these things about ISFJs, but there's a lot going on inside. Worse, the ISFJ often is so focused on the external world and getting their responsibilities taken care of that they remain self-unaware. Their whole world is based on denial of their own human frailty, because their commitments are so absolute; they have serious trouble allowing themselves flex room.

Note that each type has a range of behaviors associated with it. Some ISFJs will be pretty well-adjusted, sweet, and non-domineering; others will be very pragmatic, practical, and unyielding. Still, Fe goes a long way towards presenting a positive self-image. (This is drawn from a life experience full of various ISFJ women.)

 

[Xander]

...

Have you ever seen a negative of an ISFJ though? One who denies that certain realities apply to maintain their current mindset?

This example is more likely to adapt the outside world to fit with what she wants than to subjugate what she wants to the realities of the world. Petty much everything else is as type.. Her shadow is a little more prominent but her best friend is an ENTP.

 

[Xander]

telling him he only wants a certain car because of how he'll look to the community.... My dad just likes gadgets and new stuff.

Side point... I really like your dad. We see eye to eye

 

[INTJMom]

I'm pretty sure my mom is ISFJ, and this is how she is. She's usually very sweet and selfless, but if she gets her feelings hurt, no matter if she has said something equally hurtful/wrongheaded, YOU are going to be the one that apologizes, not she. She will also dig in her heels about financial things with my dad, telling him he only wants a certain car because of how he'll look to the community, when in fact it's she who will be embarrassed by having a fancy car. My dad just likes gadgets and new stuff. She kind of rules with an iron fist, under the guise of being sweet and selfless.

Thanks for that.
I was wondering if Xander would say if this is what he was describing.

Side point... I really like your dad. We see eye to eye

Yeah. I've seen your cars.
Show off!

 

[Giggly]

Have you ever seen a negative of an ISFJ though? One who denies that certain realities apply to maintain their current mindset?

This example is more likely to adapt the outside world to fit with what she wants than to subjugate what she wants to the realities of the world. Petty much everything else is as type.. Her shadow is a little more prominent but her best friend is an ENTP.

Sounds like she has her head in the clouds. I'd question if she was ISFJ.

 

[INA]

I'm pretty sure my mom is ISFJ, and this is how she is. She's usually very sweet and selfless, but if she gets her feelings hurt, no matter if she has said something equally hurtful/wrongheaded, YOU are going to be the one that apologizes, not she. She will also dig in her heels about financial things with my dad, telling him he only wants a certain car because of how he'll look to the community, when in fact it's she who will be embarrassed by having a fancy car. My dad just likes gadgets and new stuff. She kind of rules with an iron fist, under the guise of being sweet and selfless.

Sounds eerily familiar!

 

[FDG]

I'm pretty sure my mom is ISFJ, and this is how she is. She's usually very sweet and selfless, but if she gets her feelings hurt, no matter if she has said something equally hurtful/wrongheaded, YOU are going to be the one that apologizes, not she. She will also dig in her heels about financial things with my dad, telling him he only wants a certain car because of how he'll look to the community, when in fact it's she who will be embarrassed by having a fancy car. My dad just likes gadgets and new stuff. She kind of rules with an iron fist, under the guise of being sweet and selfless.

This is the form of "selfishness" that I have seen in ISFJs. Of course, not all of them manifest it, and even those who do manifest it accordingly to their level of interpersonal stress, usually. I'd also say that the more sensing ISFJ (I will borrown this distinction from socionics) will tend to be more unwavering and wanting to get their way, the more feeling ISFJ are usually softer (I am a more "thinking" ENTJ so I am naturally skewed towards perceiving more "feeling" ISFJs as better, I'm certain an intuitive ENTJ would like more the more sensing kind).

Sounds like she has her head in the clouds. I'd question if she was ISFJ.

Well, not really. What he speaks about, is typical of sensing types (gone bad). Sensing (and, to a different extent, thinking) functions are those concerned with shaping and changing the external reality in a particular way.

 

[BlackCat]

Certain personality traits have nothing to do with MBTI. This is one of those.

 

[Giggly]

Certain personality traits have nothing to do with MBTI. This is one of those.

Best thing said in this thread. I agree. I think the selfless thing is another stereotype.

Well, not really. What he speaks about, is typical of sensing types (gone bad). Sensing (and, to a different extent, thinking) functions are those concerned with shaping and changing the external reality in a particular way.

Perhaps, but that doesn't sound very practical especially if you're going against the norm.

 

[Nocapszy]

Lickels your girlfriend really doesn't sound like an ISFJ.
Sounds more like ESFJ.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

my ISFJ girlfriend is very selfish, in fact the most selfish person I know, she throws tantrums and shit all the time.

Shes also very materialistic, very concerned with things, and getting her way.

So what's the pay-off for this stuff that you're complaining about?

EDIT: By the way, I think this topic is rather silly. Does one expect every ISFJ to have a halo and little wings, too? Of course ISFJs can act selfish.

 

[Nocapszy]

EDIT: By the way, I think this topic is rather silly. Does one expect every ISFJ to have a halo and little wings, too? Of course ISFJs can act selfish.

This is why I don't even read fucking MBTI threads anymore.
Asking specific questions about implied contingencies of fundamental processes is not very impressive. An entire thread is humiliating. Like there's some enormous lot of information to squabble over to figure these things out.
It takes one reply and the thread is fucking over. Why do these things always go on for pages and pages?

I only came in here 'cause of Lickels.

 

[Nickels]

Lickels your girlfriend really doesn't sound like an ISFJ.
Sounds more like ESFJ.

*shrug* I dunno what to say, Shes VERY J, shes very F, shes very S and other than talking to me, shes EXTREMELY quiet. Really the ideal wallflower, even at parties, shes quiet. She has an huge need for alone time and often turns her friends down to sit and read alone in her room.

 

[INTJMom]

Certain personality traits have nothing to do with MBTI. This is one of those.

I'm sort of thinking that, too.

my ISFJ girlfriend is very selfish, in fact the most selfish person I know, she throws tantrums and shit all the time.

Shes also very materialistic, very concerned with things, and getting her way.

That sounds like the kind of behavior Xander was describing.
He ascribed it to Fe turned inward - if there is such a thing.

How old is your girlfriend?

Lickels your girlfriend really doesn't sound like an ISFJ.
Sounds more like ESFJ.

Hmmm. That's a thought.

(Just to let you know, I'm glad you posted. I respect your opinion.)

...
EDIT: By the way, I think this topic is rather silly. Does one expect every ISFJ to have a halo and little wings, too? Of course ISFJs can act selfish.

Everyone can act selfish from time to time,
but Xander was saying she was constantly this way.
It seemed too far out of character for me to accept that it was actual ISFJ behavior.

 

[Mitzy]

sounds terrible

 

[Nickels]

INTJMOM, shes 20. Granted she does a lot of that shit less and less and she gets older, but I have been her boyfriend since she was 15... So I've seen her do a lot of pretty terrible things.

 

[Mitzy]

well what if she is selfish? what are you going to do about it. thats my question.

 

[FDG]

my ISFJ girlfriend is very selfish, in fact the most selfish person I know, she throws tantrums and shit all the time.

Shes also very materialistic, very concerned with things, and getting her way.

We know this. But we want to know, why in hell you keep on calling her girlfriend.

 

[Giggly]

That sounds like the kind of behavior Xander was describing.
He ascribed it to Fe turned inward - if there is such a thing.

Everyone can act selfish from time to time,
but Xander was saying she was constantly this way.
It seemed too far out of character for me to accept that it was actual ISFJ behavior.

Fe turned inward, huh? That's interesting. I wonder if there is such a thing too. Xander or anyone care to explain?

 

[entropie]

Dont act all female ISFJs selfishly ? I learned all my cleverness from my mum !