See, this is where I think the SP/NJ disconnect is coming into play. I'll try to explain again, quite sincerely, even though I'm sure you'll tell me I'm full of crap because your mind just plain works differently than mine.
xSTPs tend to be very self-aware. We generally don't have many unconscious behaviors or unacknowledged motivations because just as we are constantly categorizing and analyzing the world around us, we're also constantly doing the same to ourselves and trouble-shooting and picking ourselves apart in our own heads. I once told a guy I was dating when he pointed out what he thought would be a dramatic revelation about me and I just shrugged and admitted to it without missing a beat, "Just because I don't admit a flaw about myself to you doesn't mean I'm blindly ignorant of it. I know exactly what's going on in my head." Again, not to speak in absolutes, because I'm sure there are some dumbass xSTPs out there who need a boot up their asses, but this is how most xSTPs are.
We don't do unintentional manipulation. It's just not how we think or operate. If you see one of us trying to extend our influence over another person, even if it's over something small and inconsequential, we've already thought ahead to the endgame with a few contingency plans in our back pocket for just in case. That is how the mind of an xSTP works -- when it comes to dealing with other people, it's all at the forefront. Just because we don't pipe up and declare our intentions doesn't mean we're unaware. We are conscious of what we're doing every single time. You may not see this because we tend to play things very close to the chest and don't like to reveal too many of our trade secrets.
Manipulation is not the natural, constant state of xSTPs. The natural state of an xSTP is to be blunt and honest, often to the point of sounding tactless. (I've often been told I have all the tact of a blunt axe. ;D) It's easier to be honest than it is to have your manipulation switch flipped to the ON position all the time. It's just not practical. We can't always be strategizing in our heads and forecasting the next move; that's a skill we turn on and off as needed. If someone asks us our opinion, we're more likely to tell the god's honest truth than say what they want to hear. There have to be other factors in play to make us behave contrary to what comes naturally to us.
So, to say that xSTPs are always manipulative to some degree without realizing it because that is the constant and natural pattern of thought we
always use isn't really accurate.
I welcome the other xSTPs to affirm or dispute this, but I'm pretty sure I have it right.