Thalassa
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- Joined
- May 3, 2009
- Messages
- 25,183
- MBTI Type
- ISFP
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- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sx
I actually think I need some relating for romantic vibes to happen also.... .
I absolutely have to have it. It's a must.
I actually think I need some relating for romantic vibes to happen also.... .
I absolutely have to have it. It's a must.
I am just curious why it seems central to you. Or, perhaps it is not a consciously understood thing?
Do you feel disconnected if you do not relate? Does this disconnection cause you discomfort?
Yes, but why? Because you cannot feel love without identification?
All these questions are reminding me of a quote attributed to Roseanne Barr:
"Men are concerned with cause. Women are concerned with effect."
I do respect the intention to explore what is easily accepted and unchallenged. I find crossing this minefield to be kinda scary. I am worried about causing offense or being in an uncomfortable situation.See, I actively cross boundaries because I want to know how their mechanism works and what they'll do. And I want to know if I can affect others in some way. And if I can affect them, what happens and why?
Yeah, my boundaries don't exactly match others. I tend to do things that feel right to me and I never know if my behaviour is giving people different signals than I intend.IDK if it's Fi, but I know my boundaries can be markedly different from other people.
Someone had to tell me not to hug a male friend of mine, as it sent the wrong signal - I was like "What?!" . I have a habit of hugging the host/hostess, and didn't realize it came off as singling him out . But yet, I am careful not to flirt in the way I see other women do. I also get weirdly private about stuff others see as just fine to share.
Yeah, I'm one of those poor saps who would be like, even if I had billions of dollars and everything else I had ever wanted, but didn't have love, I would feel empty and sad.
Relationships with other people are kind of what it's all about for me, I guess. I don't just mean romantic relationships, of course.
Interesting. So you have to relate to have access to any emotional intimacy? And by relating you mean that you have to feel that something is being shared between the two of you?
I have a theory that women feel this connectedness more naturally because they grow up with the idea that someone else can grow from their body. And with luck, they will eventually conceive a child and experience this. And since they grow up thinking about this, they also are aware that all people came from someone else's body and that in a real way we are directly connected to one another. By bonds of flesh and blood and soul.
I think men, because they lack this fundamental anatomical reality, have to learn to connect. It is not as innate or natural.
We will never have another person growing inside us or really inside us at all. And even our genitals are separated from our bodies such that we are disconnected even from our own sexual feeling.
Do you mean this on non-romantic or romantic terms?How do you deal with those that you can't make a connection with?
Yes...but it need not be extremely literal. It's more abstract than identifying directly with a feeling/experience. I've mentioned in many INFP threads about extrapolating from personal feeling to understand somewhat foreign ones - it's something like that.
This requires vulnerability of course, which may be the issue with some men not relating easily.
Not sure how to improve my hearing.
Interesting...I've definitely always seen intercourse as more physically vulnerable for a woman for similar reasons.
Through connecting, hahaha. I would say that it's like taking an emotion that you are familiar with and then from this familiarity try to analyze it in a new way creating a new emotion that allows you to grow further as a person, emotionally speaking.
How do you deal with those that you can't make a connection with?
Interesting...I've definitely always seen intercourse as more physically vulnerable for a woman for similar reasons.
Well, these are the majority who are relegated to friendly acquaintances. Or they may be a casual friend if we can relate through other means, such as general interests.
The way men are vulnerable: emotion.
The way women are vulnerable: physical.