When I talk to people they tell me things like:
I'm a writer.
I'm an actor.
I'm a photographer.
I'm a programmer.
I'm a lawyer.
I for myself can't answer the question. I'm just me. I could do any of the above and never truly consider it my calling.
So who am I?
Is this Ne related?
Sometimes I wish I would not be able to think about stuff like this.
When I read the first lines in your post I first thing that came into my mind was "he must be ENTP" lol.
I asked myself the same questions, I don't know some people follow these constant trajectories in life, and it's so easy for them them to define themselves, why is it so fucking easy???!!! I have no idea.
I talked to this guy in a bus 6 months ago, and he said that he knew he wanted to be a cop, long since he applied to the Academy. It was his purpose and he followed it. He was quite STJ.
But for me...it's hard to define what I want with all the constant chaos around me.
I cannot find a job label to just stick it on my forehead and be happy since I now have a specific place in society.
I think it's the same for most ENTPs .
I dont think it's our job that defines us and I dont think we'll find an answer in reality at all. I am literally envious about people doing a straight career but no matter how hard I am concentrating on a thing it just never works like it does for others.
I have given up on seeing a potential benefit behind the things I do, like "Well it took me 2 more years to finish University but I gathered a lot of social experience". That's just not what will make you happy. Facing the present moment and enjoying who you are in that moment will be what will make you happy. It is recalling the past and to see what you have accomplished and I dont mean University degrees, I mean the moments you did the right thing in life and people appreciated you for doing so. The moments when you felt good and when you felt like the world can end now because you are the happiest person alive right now.
Of course there is no entp who ever felt like that, but that exactly is the problem.
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There's the socionics definition, which categorizes the entp into a logical subtype and an intuitive subtype. The entp type is called The Seeker and that is exactly what they are. While the logical subtype has a masterplan of his achievements laied out right before him, it's easy for him to enlighten his own mood. The intuitive subtype rather only thinks in the moment and tends to asses himself way more dramatic than he actually is. While the intuitive subtype changes personality and his view on the world on a daily basis, the logical subtype can loose the sense to wonder. And since I am an intuitive subtype by all means, never loose your sense to wonder.
I dont think it will ever end for us being unhappy with the current situation or searching for who we are. But I learned that I dont know everything and that the key elements to become happy in life are sometimes hidden behind the most simplest things you'ld have never thought about did emotionally affect you. I am a very empathic and emotionally reactive person, it takes me 10 nanoseconds to adapt to the mood of my environment and I always had the impression of myself that I am at any giuven time in full rational control over myself. This is what teachers call, a subsequent fault in judgement and hadnt I met a person in life, who is much much better in tune and has a deeper understanding of human emotions than I ever could have; I think I'd become very depressive.
This's an impression from my life, it has no thesis and holds no judgement, it's just an observation, a feeling experience. I for myself am on the quest to achieve wisdom in my life, to climb the highest mountain of understanding there is, but I know I cant do it with my mind alone. I need to understand the heart aswell.