Murrdogg
New member
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2013
- Messages
- 48
"It all started when I was 7 years old. My life at home is in utter chaos. My father was into drugs and every other member, except for my mother, dad and dad’s parents, were all drunks. They were all mad at each other. Arguments leading to threats and possible violence. It escalated to the point where I decided I have to prepare for the worst. I started training myself in combat, stealth, detection, anything I could use to stop any murders within the family. As I continued my training, in secret, I started feeling a darkness around me. An aura that was strong. I felt a sense of purpose. As my anger toward alcohol and drugs grew, so did the dark aura, with a cause to fight for. I prevented any possible massacres from occurring.
But the dark feeling continued to grow. It helped me endure the horrific times. I had realized I’m not the average child. I was bullied, though not for long when I fought them and won decisively every time. Any time I saw any alcohol consumed around me, or a person who wasn’t sober or was high, it instinctively lit a fire inside myself and I feel the urge to either get away from it or lash out, aggressively and combatively, at them for having it around me. The thought of these things corrupting people, making them selfish, arrogant, for a lack of better term, evil. It angered me, it caused me to isolate from nearly all of my family. Frustration grew as I realized I am the only big picture/moralized one in a family of opportunists, liars, drunks, and a lone stoner.
But when I realized how many people fall into these categories that I have hated, my heart sinks. But my anger toward these things give me hope that I can eradicate these things from my life. I decided to influence the younger members of my family to see the way that I do. So, they aren’t under the temptation of corruption through these vices. I was able to influence only 1 but I’m so proud that I was able to show him that these vices are like a plague. The other influential people in his life would’ve made him a criminal by now.
Even after 13 years, the anger toward alcohol and drugs still remain and have grown stronger in my subconscious. Today, my father had basically said to me that I cannot stop people from doing what they do. I took it as I am powerless to keep alcohol and drugs away from my life. I grew enraged and I had to fight the instinct to beat the holy hell out of him and go somewhere. This sense of morals or ideals in an “evil†environment has me feeling trapped and day by day, my anger grows."
But the dark feeling continued to grow. It helped me endure the horrific times. I had realized I’m not the average child. I was bullied, though not for long when I fought them and won decisively every time. Any time I saw any alcohol consumed around me, or a person who wasn’t sober or was high, it instinctively lit a fire inside myself and I feel the urge to either get away from it or lash out, aggressively and combatively, at them for having it around me. The thought of these things corrupting people, making them selfish, arrogant, for a lack of better term, evil. It angered me, it caused me to isolate from nearly all of my family. Frustration grew as I realized I am the only big picture/moralized one in a family of opportunists, liars, drunks, and a lone stoner.
But when I realized how many people fall into these categories that I have hated, my heart sinks. But my anger toward these things give me hope that I can eradicate these things from my life. I decided to influence the younger members of my family to see the way that I do. So, they aren’t under the temptation of corruption through these vices. I was able to influence only 1 but I’m so proud that I was able to show him that these vices are like a plague. The other influential people in his life would’ve made him a criminal by now.
Even after 13 years, the anger toward alcohol and drugs still remain and have grown stronger in my subconscious. Today, my father had basically said to me that I cannot stop people from doing what they do. I took it as I am powerless to keep alcohol and drugs away from my life. I grew enraged and I had to fight the instinct to beat the holy hell out of him and go somewhere. This sense of morals or ideals in an “evil†environment has me feeling trapped and day by day, my anger grows."