Satachi
New member
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2018
- Messages
- 42
So I've been questioning my type for a while especially whether it's possible that I'm actually so-dominant or sp/so. I identify with everything below that is described of sp/sx. Not sure whether IVs are meant to be nature or nurture, but there are tons of events that I can identify as triggers for my personality today.
My earliest childhood was one marked by hyperactivity (described by a teacher - potential for ADHD), scratching others, falling asleep in class. Two memories stand out in particular:
1) The teacher making me listen to "The Twits" on Cassette while other children focused on writing. I was different at age 7-8.
2) Transferring schools (suggestion) and believing for the next 15-17 years that I was kicked out for my disruptive behaviour.
- The consequence is that I became a teacher's pet in my new school. 180 degree shift, people pleaser. Today, I am a elementary school teacher. (granted, a struggling one with the organisation aspect)
Yet, nothing has really changed in terms of me being a social outcast. I have a strong desire for approval from others, and conflict tends to make me very uncomfortable even though I seem to engage it often.
Asocial/Antisocial behaviours
1) Getting into an altercation with a cousin-in-law on holiday because she was making her friends guilty for changing their minds "Don't come if you don't want to."
2) Walking alone during parties/trips. I don't feel like I fit in exactly. Family have been accommodating though so I feel at ease to flicker between groups.
3) Getting into an altercation with two strangers because I thought they were making fun of a friend's voice.
4) Getting into altercations on this forum, feeling that I should stand my own ground, despite internal shakiness.
5) I have become very obstinate when interacting with family's values. Mostly due to laziness, but partly also because I simply can't live up to the unspoken desires of being a hard working and successful asian child. [You can't disappoint others when they no longer expect anything from you]
I don't really participate much in groups conversationally. However, I know that I have taken on roles where I have some influence e.g. signing up for psych society representative at college / becoming a moderator on forums/discord communities. Other stuff that would indicate SO are things like noticing how my ex-friends interact with each other. I have this weird relationship of wanting to sort of lead, but not really possessing the charisma and sociable nature to do so. Being a right-hand or influencing from the background is more along my nature.
TL;DR - Somewhere down the line, I became obsessed with this idea of not succumbing to peer pressure. That I'm not very good at doing stuff what society wants. It's easier to do my own thing than to try and integrate and be disappointed when I fail. Overall, it seems like a very broken relationship to SO. It's hard to tell whether this is Dom SO/SO last.
On a different note, I'd like to share a video that I remember being drawn to as a teenager. It probably represented my feelings very well at the time as a self-identified loner.
Thanks for listening, I will probably delete some of this stuff later on as it seems a little revealing.
This type has a quiet, earthy but mysterious quality. They are intense within their minds, but may seem withdrawn to others. They may enter new relationships for the novelty, but they are slow to commit for they wish to avoid getting hurt. For the few interpersonal bonds they form, their loyalty is unbreakable, as their alliances make them feel secure. They attach to others at an organic level, as opposed to the sp/so's formality. They are often unaware of the social dynamics and goals of a group, but they can read an individual with accuracy. When they sense their well-being is in jeopardy, they either completely withdraw or confront the danger head-on. Many have an appetite for wild adventures, which they view as learning experiences. They see their home as a refuge, and they take pride in decorating their surroundings.
My earliest childhood was one marked by hyperactivity (described by a teacher - potential for ADHD), scratching others, falling asleep in class. Two memories stand out in particular:
1) The teacher making me listen to "The Twits" on Cassette while other children focused on writing. I was different at age 7-8.
2) Transferring schools (suggestion) and believing for the next 15-17 years that I was kicked out for my disruptive behaviour.
- The consequence is that I became a teacher's pet in my new school. 180 degree shift, people pleaser. Today, I am a elementary school teacher. (granted, a struggling one with the organisation aspect)
Yet, nothing has really changed in terms of me being a social outcast. I have a strong desire for approval from others, and conflict tends to make me very uncomfortable even though I seem to engage it often.
Asocial/Antisocial behaviours
1) Getting into an altercation with a cousin-in-law on holiday because she was making her friends guilty for changing their minds "Don't come if you don't want to."
2) Walking alone during parties/trips. I don't feel like I fit in exactly. Family have been accommodating though so I feel at ease to flicker between groups.
3) Getting into an altercation with two strangers because I thought they were making fun of a friend's voice.
4) Getting into altercations on this forum, feeling that I should stand my own ground, despite internal shakiness.
5) I have become very obstinate when interacting with family's values. Mostly due to laziness, but partly also because I simply can't live up to the unspoken desires of being a hard working and successful asian child. [You can't disappoint others when they no longer expect anything from you]
I don't really participate much in groups conversationally. However, I know that I have taken on roles where I have some influence e.g. signing up for psych society representative at college / becoming a moderator on forums/discord communities. Other stuff that would indicate SO are things like noticing how my ex-friends interact with each other. I have this weird relationship of wanting to sort of lead, but not really possessing the charisma and sociable nature to do so. Being a right-hand or influencing from the background is more along my nature.
TL;DR - Somewhere down the line, I became obsessed with this idea of not succumbing to peer pressure. That I'm not very good at doing stuff what society wants. It's easier to do my own thing than to try and integrate and be disappointed when I fail. Overall, it seems like a very broken relationship to SO. It's hard to tell whether this is Dom SO/SO last.
On a different note, I'd like to share a video that I remember being drawn to as a teenager. It probably represented my feelings very well at the time as a self-identified loner.
Thanks for listening, I will probably delete some of this stuff later on as it seems a little revealing.