I know this doesn't apply to all ESFJs, but the ESFJs I've encountered in my life so far have been quite undeveloped, and what I can see is that they often fail to satisfy the needs of both others as well as themselves. They are overly concerned with wealth, status, being popular and keeping up those facades and superficial impressions. They are too people pleasing / crowd pleasing, always trying to do things for others, but I don't sense that genuine warmth or kindness. Instead, I sense lots of self-validation and obligation / guilt that they should always be doing what they're supposed to do and feel how they're supposed to feel. They don't have much honesty, not towards others, and not towards themselves. As an INFP with dominant Fi I sometimes try to inject a bit of wisdom about authenticity and examining one's real feelings / motives, but it falls on deaf ears because they immediately start accusing me of selfishness and snobbishness and self-righteousness (when they are the ones being self-righteous, I'm just giving them glimpses into truth). It's quite futile. Some sites believe ESFJ / ISFJ are the most compatible types with INFP, but from my personal experience, unless the Fe-dominant ESFJ / ISFJ is mature enough, the INFP will be in for a very rough ride.
To offer some constructive advice, I think ESFJs / ISFJs should better appreciate people who are not the most outwardly expressive (if at all) and not take that as something undesirable. They may be a lot more emotional and sophisticated than they appear, but are not accustomed to sharing it until they have developed a high level of trust. I understand your desire for harmony and to create a certain social / interpersonal atmosphere, but please understand that the best way to care for others is to understand how they truly feel and what they truly need, rather than always thinking you know best. To pressure others into feeling a certain way may very well be going against their core values, and it may offend them when they are being called to suppress their true feelings or beliefs. Really take the time to feel, to listen, to cultivate appreciation for truthfulness over the constant need to please (I know this, and I admit INFPs can sometimes be guilty of it as well, but it's out of a hate for conflict that disturbs the soul rather than a fear of external judgment), and it would serve well in the long run as it results in greater contentment for both oneself and for others. Try to confront depth and intensity, rather than shun it and pretend everything is always okay. Try not to mask your true feelings and assume that it's inappropriate / inexcusable to be honest with yourself, there are people who really care and really want to know (with this INFP being one of them). Do not feel ashamed, do not cave in to pressure. Take time to fully experience and confront ALL feelings, whether positive, negative, or indifference. Dive into the depths of the human experience. You may be the guardians, but you do not have to shoulder everything by yourselves. The guarded may very well want, and have every right to be involved in your inner life. Your overly pushy and domineering behavior may eventually become an aura, and that may be off-putting and drive people away from you because they don't sense that trust and honesty. The result is that you keep bottling yourself up, and also fail to achieve the goal of bringing happiness and comfort to others. Some ESFJs / ISFJs may think that they can keep up their public personas / impressions on a permanent basis, but eventually it is going to wear them down, and deeply intuitive / aware individuals will be able to sense that something (many things) isn't right.
P.S. Some of the ESFJs I'm describing are young, but others are much older than me. They're solid proof age doesn't equate to wisdom and insight.