I don't know if anybody's still bothering to look at this...
but as an explanation of the order of functions, well, the first four are the ones you use normally, and are definitely a part of you. The last four are still a part of you, but in a negative way (thus 'shadow' functions).
The first two (in this case NiTe) are the ones you use proactively. The main approach to anything an INTJ will take is with Ni and Te, perceiving through a shifting internal lens (Ni) and making decisions on observable criteria (Te). Second two are how you deal with things reactively, and because they're really only reactively they aren't as developed until you're older. ITJs might have a very strong sense of personal values (Fi) but it'll 'flare up' when offended, rather than how an IFP actively sorts things according to personal values. The inferior function is worse and even more reactive, and under too much stress it can carry you away. This is why Ps will feel like they do better under pressure (their 'J' set of functions are reactive) and Js will feel like they fall apart under pressure (their 'P' set of functions are reactive) when really neither of them are at their peak. It's not that nothing good can come out of reactivitiy, but being reactive makes you much more likely to make mistakes than proactivity.
Shadow functions you think are there to trip you up, even if they're not. The difference is people tend to like their lower functions even if they've done them wrong, while people tend to hate their shadow functions even if the shadow functions have done nothing wrong.
First shadow function (opposite sex) you hate because it seems clumsy and shallow to you. Second (Senex/witch) you hate because you know it's right. Third (deceiving) you hate because it's trying to trick you. And fourth (devilish) is just plain baffling.
Deceiving Fe would be likely to think "Oh, they're being NICE to me, they must want something! I've got to be on my guard," whether that thing they want is money, gossip fodder, and the list goes on and on. Deceiving Te (as INFJs have) creates the characteristic general distrust of all bureaucracies, which is pretty much Te systemized and made very, very large.
Or so the theory goes.
I've had many, many similar experiences with my mother. I've mostly given up -- I've just stopped talking about myself all together and don't say anything unless I need it. It's not worth the effort to tell her things. Let her and her friends think what they want, as long as it doesn't impede me in the long run, I don't really care.