I'm going to talk about my own experience, which may be different in another countries, cultures, etc. It's also my opinion based on what I see in the present. I voted I see it as a negative thing, but when I mean feminism feels negative to me, I'm talking of what feminist IS now, not wht is supposed to be, not what it used to be, etc.
In fact, everything that follows is an opinion I wrote to someone here a while ago.
And I make this clear, because I've been bombarded with violent subjective comments and links to fallacious articles whose writers’ only ability is a pathetic mix of appeal to pity and ad hominem attacks. I may thank all the women who fought in the past, I’m certainly ashamed of the women in my present. When you’re “fighting†for someone’s “rights†and more than half of the benefitted people are scared/reluctant to join you, it’s because you’re doing something wrong.
I’m giving my own, sincere point of view, not based on books or articles or third-person, second-hand, monomaniacal opinions. Texts with opinions are misinterpreted all the time (consciously or not), and such misinterpretations can be used in very creative and/or malicious ways.
Yes, feminism is about having “the same†rights as men (plus everything related to pregnancy leave, being given the seat in public transport, public breastfeeding, not being looked with lust, escaping first from sinking ships and all the fuzz), but also feminism is about females experiencing their life as females THE WAY THEY WANT. So, if a woman enjoys cooking for her husband (not because old-fashioned grandma told her that’s what women do, but because she really does feel it’s a sincere act of affection), she’s not submissive, neglecting herself or her present and future, etc. She’s just doing what she likes, and if other women don’t understand that, then the whole purpose of “feminism†is completely irrelevant.
The term “feminism†has suffered the same path as the "lovely" swastika. It used to be (and I assume it still must be, for I doubt they’ve scraped it off temples) a symbol of Indian religion(s), also appearing in other cultures, like Greek, until Nazis took over it. And now, liking the old swastika symbol for what it means in Sanskrit is no longer possible (at least in public). If we all called the symbol for its name in Sanskrit to refer to the old meaning and leave the Hakenkreuz concept to refer to nazi symbology, then we’d solve some problems (assuming there were any regarding that topic). Some women have taken over the term in question and it’s time to admit it doesn’t mean what it used to be and those who don’t feel represented by the recycled concept should try to come up with another, in order to avoid confusion. Or not. We could be women who want women in Africa to stop suffering ablations, female co-workers being paid the same as men, and having back up when a crazy man decides to beat up his girl, all of this without giving a crap about the “seriousness†of stand-up comedians talking about their penises, and words ending in “manâ€, and people referring to general public as “guysâ€, and actresses refusing to wear corsets (even if it’s historically accurate) because of oppression and blah blah.
I believe there are no synonyms. Very much like in Plato’s Cratylus, which talks about correctness of names, Hermogenes says that it doesn’t matter what name we give a person or object so long as everyone agrees to use it. Taking some words from a philosophy page I read often, “the name does not have to be unique, but its reference does: if there is only one John in the room, the name ‘John’ serves the purpose of distinguishing him from the other people there; if there is more than one John in the room, then something more is needed to identify the one to whom you wish to referâ€. In short, a word for every meaning. Following this thought, if we disagree on the meaning of a word, then we either haven’t made the meaning specific enough, or a new concept is missing to differentiate the “opposing†meanings within the definition of the concept. I do believe what “feminism†is supposed to englobe, is not represented by the name (I’m tempted to use Saussure’s terms, but I may mistake them in English and I do not wish to make a fool of myself).
I fail to see the equality when, to “equate†the female situation to that of males we bring them down, accuse them, build prejudice, fear and resentment (we’re death-staring at any regular Joe because Aristotle said women are to men what slaves are to masters. Be mad at Aristotle, not the poor kid. How to close the gap by making it wider? This sort cyclical paradox in which women believe themselves better, want to be equal to men, but they abhor them and think of them as scum, oftentimes makes me laugh.
I fail to understand how we can advocate against violence against gender by enumerating men’s flaws and condemning innocent individuals to start believing they’re trash. How do we add value to the female’s gender by becoming what it’s being judged? Why the double standards? People feel reluctant to give full rights to ex-convicts, based on their actions. Women are acting violently around the world, and half the people are afraid of them. It's not a good strategy to gain rights. Just the opposite.
I fail to understand how on Earth feminists pretend to enhance the gender’s value by portraying themselves as victims (when they’re not portraying themselves as Trojan warriors) instead of highlighting WHY women are as valuable as men. Once I was talking to a feminist, pseudo-communist professor about art, and she felt proud that there was a new room in a gallery that exhibited “underground†artists (people who weren’t famous “because famous artists had fallen prey of capitalist ways of licking boots to get higherâ€), and I asked why not mixing famous artists with underground artists to show they were all at the same level. She said furiously “then how would people know they’re poor victims of not engaging in the system?â€, and I asked “so… you want to exhibit their works because they’re victims or because they have talent?†She turned away and left. This is the kind of behavior that puzzles me. If I’m demanding equal rights, it’s because as a human, I deserve them, because I have value, not because it’s a compensation, not because the one giving me the rights has been an asshole all this time, not because I’m better than others, not because I’m socially handicapped. My vagina doesn't talk. I do it, and I talk intervening for all humans, not just a select group, not just myself.
I fail to understand how double standards seem to have colonized the feminist speech. Even in movies, for decades, angry women have kicked their husbands out of their own bed (because not putting down the toilet’s lid is so ominous that they couldn’t bare sleep next to them) and ordered them to sleep on a highly non-ergonomic couch all night. It’s their bed too. If they did that to women, it would be “another†sign of abuse, dismissal and whatnot. Why is it okay to abort even if the father wants to keep the baby, but it’s not possible for the father to escape from responsibilities? Why most women sound as if they only wanted to be independent to choose who they want to depend from? Is it okay to abhor men but still make them pay for your meal? Aren’t women who are “allergic†to catcalls self-conscious when nobody likes their bodies? Why is it okay to have sex after twenty minutes of knowing a guy, but the other way around is “men treating women as objects� Why is using them? If you opened your legs, you were using him too. Why is it okay to say you fancy men in suits/tall guys, but men opening the door for you “just want to see your ass� Let me say two things: first, that’s one of the purposes of an ass; second, if all these feminists’ fathers wouldn’t have had a hard-on while looking at their mothers’ tits, they wouldn’t be on Earth today to make our lives annoying. Women can speak because they are alive, and women alone can’t do that.
I have the luxury of living in a country who approved same-sex marriage in 2010 and waaaay before that, nobody cared if two men walked hand by hand or if two girls were kissing in a park. I live in a city in which you can befriend trannies in the subway. I live in a country with a culture in which men don’t consider taboo talking about their girlfriends’ periods. After our last dictatorship, women who had lost their families gathered around the central square to remembered disappeared people for decades, even now that they’re in their 80s/90s. There's a whole neighbourhood with streets named as women. It even has a bridge designed by a genius like Calatrava. And yet, here these so-called feminists who feel offended by men breathing aren’t a minority. They even give flyers advertising talks on how to become lesbian. It’s madness, and it’s everywhere.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of hysterical, megalomaniac women judging me for how I experience being female.
I’m tired of those women asking me to thank them for the “serviceâ€, when, so far, they have only made the gap between men and women wider.
I’m tired of men having to shut their mouths or being afraid of every step they take in case their actions are considered harassing, molesting, oppressing.
I’m tired of women feeling better about themselves by trying to emasculate men.
I’m tired of men being cautious around me “in case I’m one of themâ€. I’m not. I want them to tell me my dress makes me look fat if it does. I don’t have the right to kick them out of bed if it’s “our†bed in “our bedroom†in “our houseâ€. I don’t mind penis and fart jokes. I don’t care if they’re grossed out by coloured armpit hair. I’m grossed out too. I don’t blame them for liking boobs, as it’s what they’re “programmed†to like. I condemn their violence the same way I condemn a woman slapping a man or making them feel like crap, or giving them orders all the time they must attain or else. We’re all humans. Stop whining.
And that’s about all I have to say. For the moment, being a feminist equals some actions, ways of thinking and interacting with others that I simply can’t stand. This group’s “marketing skills†are hideous. Until they change their ways, I’m not buying their product.