I know you guys are gonna read this and think I'm just making excuses, but I'm not. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I am my own problem
.
Basically, I believe more so than anything in the power of the human mind. It's phenomenal. I honestly believe that every person alive is the person they've molded themselves to be. It begins with a mental image of yourself, the person you believe you are, and slowly but surely you become that person. You fall into the role. (it's like, if I know I'm an INTP I might start answering typology quizzes based on what the INTP answer is rather than the Oeufa answer. I might start acting more like an INTP in everyday life than I would otherwise). I know all this is nothing new or innovative on my part, but I'm putting it down here anyway.
See, the thing is, I've been selling myself a very negative image of myself. I've been telling myself I'm the fat loner with no friends for so long that I'm becoming that fat loner with no friends. I've been telling myself I hate my course and slowly but surely I'm becoming more and more disinterested with it (I wasn't nearly this bad for assignments or exams last year). I've been telling myself I'm a mediocre musician and I am one (though that's not necessarily cause of my mental power
). I've been telling myself no one will ever hire me, so I haven't been trying. Basically, I'm the root of all my problems.
So, I doubt I actually have any mental illnesses besides terminal negativity
. I just need to snap myself out of my defeatist mindset. Think happy, be happy, and all that jazz. Ever since I started this thread I've been moping about more, getting even less done than usual and basically being a bum. All cause I thought I was mentally ill. Which is bullcrap when you think about it.