^ Looks interesting alright.
Still no word from the counseling service..... What a shambles of a university I go to.
Anyway, I came on here to tell ye that something happened yesterday... I was lying in bed reading when my train of thought started going along the lines of, "Well if I don't want kids and I don't want marriage, then what am I here for? Am I gonna wind up a little old lady living all alone with absolutely nobody alive left I know?" and it got progressively more dangerous from there until I kinda snapped out of it. When I was thinking that way my mind felt kinda warm and fuzzy, like everything was tainted in a pinkish glow. When I realised the dark place I was going my mind became clear and normal again, but I'm scared now. Really scared. What if I hadn't snapped out of it? What if I kept thinking that way? I just whispered "I want to live" over and over until I finally fell asleep. I was afraid before that I might crack, but this was nothing like a crack. It was a fall down a slope, and if I hadn't snagged on a tree I would have kept slipping. I wasn't prepared for how that would feel.
I'm trying to fill my head with positive thoughts, but I'm terrified now. What if I don't regain control next time?? I don't want to die young. I'm not ready. I can't even begin to comprehend utter oblivion, and I fully intend to put off that moment as long as I can. But this? My mind betrayed me. It planted thoughts I don't remember thinking, but it felt like I'd thought them a 1000 times before. It was all too natural. It was too easy. I got lucky this time.
In other news, I've an exam in about 9 hours that I still haven't studied for. Hmmmm....