Dyoni
New member
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2010
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- 86
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
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Haha. I definitely identify with this thread >.<
LOL. Yeah, I never know what to do, either. A lot of my family is like this, so at the end of family gatherings, it's a lot of probably too-far-away hugging and back-patting. Awkward.
With friends, it's awkward, too... I'm really freaking tall, so I'm never sure if I should bend down a lot, or if that would seem patronizing?
Ugh, yes. I hate being viewed as some sort of ice queen. It's not that I don't want to comfort people, I just don't know the best way.
When I'm feeling emotional, I like to be left alone. I find crying in front of people to be humiliating - it's not like I don't have emotions, but they're not a show for everyone to see. They're mine. I don't know how to empathize with how others deal with emotions.
Usually when I try to comfort people, I see it as a problem that I need to fix for them:
WHY ARE YOU DEPRESSED?
I hate my job and I hate my boyfriend!
OKAY. LET'S START LOOKING ONLINE FOR NEW JOBS. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY ANGRY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. MAYBE YOU SHOULD BREAK UP?
You're not helping at all!
.....
This is why I stopped studying Psychology in college. I think I would be the worst therapist on the planet.
EDIT: I just read your story, Solitare... I don't know what I would have done, either. I guess just hugged him and sat with him for a while. Hope your little guy is doing better.
I think the hug is so funny. It's like you guys are super aware of what you are doing. Like you know what is expected of you in theory, what a hug looks like - but you don't know how hard to squeeze or where to put your hands or for how long. So cute!
LOL. Yeah, I never know what to do, either. A lot of my family is like this, so at the end of family gatherings, it's a lot of probably too-far-away hugging and back-patting. Awkward.
With friends, it's awkward, too... I'm really freaking tall, so I'm never sure if I should bend down a lot, or if that would seem patronizing?
To give you something else to chew on, though, I think it's different to some degree for guys. That sort of approach is within typical western social parameters for male interaction. As a woman, I feel pressure sometimes to do something I can't do easily... a lot of women (more than men) seem skilled at purely emotive comforting, and I'm aware of how much I stick out because I have a more detached approach. Even at my best level of emoting, I can't equal some other women when they emote; it's just not me.
Ugh, yes. I hate being viewed as some sort of ice queen. It's not that I don't want to comfort people, I just don't know the best way.
When I'm feeling emotional, I like to be left alone. I find crying in front of people to be humiliating - it's not like I don't have emotions, but they're not a show for everyone to see. They're mine. I don't know how to empathize with how others deal with emotions.
Usually when I try to comfort people, I see it as a problem that I need to fix for them:
WHY ARE YOU DEPRESSED?
I hate my job and I hate my boyfriend!
OKAY. LET'S START LOOKING ONLINE FOR NEW JOBS. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY ANGRY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. MAYBE YOU SHOULD BREAK UP?
You're not helping at all!
.....
This is why I stopped studying Psychology in college. I think I would be the worst therapist on the planet.
EDIT: I just read your story, Solitare... I don't know what I would have done, either. I guess just hugged him and sat with him for a while. Hope your little guy is doing better.