Loxias
New member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2010
- Messages
- 294
- MBTI Type
- INxj
- Enneagram
- 4w5
Hi!
I am totally new to the place, and I don't know if it's most appropriate to just pop here and ask for typing. But I hope some will answer my request.
From what I understand I'd have to write a little biography.
As a preface I wish to apologise for the poor grammar and syntax and the self-centeredness of such thing.
My earliest memories go back to when I turned 2 when I stopped being the only child of my parents, with the arrival of my sister in the house.
I remember seeing her cradle from below, and somehow getting that it was an important thing.
At kindergarten I had very little friends and spent most of my time alone, walking around the playground. Watching cartoons about space travel and alice in wonderland influenced me a lot, and I remember thinking that when walking arond the sandbox I was on an intergalactic trip, and would talk about light years (without really understanding what it meant) before knowing how to read.
There were funny noises from the plumbing in the toilets, and I thought that they were two extra-terrestrial persons. Bwitch from neptune and Volconel from Venus (sometimes from Jupiter too).
I learnt how to read when I was 4, and around that time my interest in space gradually shifted in an interest for geography, I was fascinated by the different vegetations, people, foods, climates around the world, and invented my own countries, often locating them in countries that had caught my attention.
At that point, the playground of primary school began the map of those lands, there were different layers of concrete on the ground according to places, with different texture, and many interestin features that became deserts, towns, lakes, mountains.
I spent most of my time walking around and imaginating I was doing a documentary on those places or a film about the lives of the people that visited the place, their experiences and reactions.
While I knew how to read early, I was a bad student, I had bad handwriting, very messy works, and poor attention skills.
I was also terribly bad at sports, very uncoordinated and uninterested.
All this gave me a lot of resent and feelings of inferiority towards the other children.
When I was around 6 or 7 I had one invented country in particular that remained and that I still spend time thinking about and perfecting nowadays, although I added another one that has become even more important around when I turned 10. Which coincides more or less with acquiring an interest in languages, their origins, how they work, and even more importantly : their phonetic sounds. And also creating the languages for my countries.
Puberty is when I started opening more to others and socialising beyond the children of my parents friends. And while I often took good pleasure in interactions one on one with friends. I always felt awkward around more people and would be very fast dismissed or subject to jokes.
Around 12 I got an interest in politics, more or less for the sake of perfecting my countries, and got at that time very much into communism, as well as buddhist views (in a very very very naive way though).
My first interest and source of knowledge that wasn't in the aim of making my countries was a strong interest in metal music that first appeared when I was 13 and that is still a very big part of my life now and which has expended during the last couple of years into an interest in music in general.
And in many ways it has become and still is one of my greatest tools for socialising too.
Shortly after started high school years, where two other important passions came to life : photography and travels alone (that is, not with family like before).
I first interested in photography for 2 reasons : I wanted to take picture of places I had been, but rather to mislead people into seeing the places like I wanted them to see them, or taking pictures of places that looked like my invented countries. As since I could remember, I loved books with photos of the world because I would place them in my invented countries (oh the theft!).
At that time, my outlook on politics and philosophy changed quite drastically. I got into Nietzsche and Paganish things. Although I have to say that Paganism attracted me mainly on an aesthetical point of view (which I think might be the case for many people interested in it).
High school years were kind of messy, but not necessarly in a bad way. My school results in many subjects had become quite abysmal (I was schooled in the French system and took up the Scientific section to please my parents and my smudged perception of myself as a kind of scientist, yet I failed miserably at maths and physics). I shunned school except for the darkroom of the school, and spent my time escaping through books, fictions and romantic fantasies as well as trying to undertand my sexual orientation (which is still something I don't understand nowadays).
I got the occasion at 16 to go for my first trip alone, traveling for 25 days through northern Europe, with a backpack, a camera, and tickets to a metal festival in Finland.
This was a huge realisation and some of the best memories in my life. I knew I enjoyed walking in forests, seeing their beauties, and imaginating legends from them and fitting them in my countries. But this trip was different. It took a more direct aspect, I was living on the instant and sucking up everything I saw, not asigning them to my countries, simply capturing their essence, and yeah, dreaming at moments or others, that behind a tree in the Finnish forest would come some elven character. ANd of course, taking pictures too, pictures that were frank about the place, where the only concern was not aout giving a special image of the places, but rather showing its beauty the best ways possible.
This trip is still bound in sensations from all 5 senses that I recall with much pleasure.
I laboriously finished high school, and decided to study architecture, both as a suggestion from my father, and as what I believed would be the best way to put a bit of my invention in the real world. I started very well, but soon failed again. Lost motivation, getting more and more disgusted by the philosophy of architecture nowadays and the crowd of architecture students, than by the act of creating work.
It also corresponds to a time where I found new passions again : one directed at gathering knowledge for my countries, that is anthropology. And the other directed at quenching the thirst for meaning in life, that is metaphysics, and esoteric traditions.
It is also a time where I spent a lot more time analysing my values, the values of the world around me as well as the fuzzy aspects of my mind, my dreams, the textures and sounds in my head, the dreams, the roots of my tastes in things. The primary matters of what my imaginary lands were made of.
And with it came a growing envy of creating things that were based on those primary matters, or on the visions from dream like states. I decided to start studying fine arts and photography more specifically to achieve these goals, and it is pretty much where I am now.
During the last 2-3 years my invented countries have been toned down a lot, and my social life finally kicked in, although I certainly aren't a social butterfly, I take enjoyment in dancing, some social gatherings around people I feel comfortable with, as well as spending active time outdoors, feeling the world as it is.
What takes most of my thinking time now are : thinking about my ideals and values, how I believe I should be in the world, and what the world should be like (which some of my friends describe as pining) as well as producing beautiful, strong works that convey those aesthetics that are so important to me, and which I believe can be universalised.
I spend a lot of efforts trying to compensate for my messy and disorganised ways, as well as being a confident person around people and also conforming to what I believe is right behaviour (which often goes against some of my natural instincts).
To give a few more informations :
-I am rather upbeat, and tend to have a hard time staying in place for too long. Unless I am focused on doing something (reading, learning about stuff, creating work).
-I am prone to occasional bouts of depressive mood and anxiety, although I am overall on the happier side.
-I am good with understanding the workings of languages, climates and metaphysical writings.
-I am bad at understanding movement and things in action, most verbose XXth century philosophy (Sartre, Derrida, the activists at uni...).
-I enjoy cooking, photography, hiking, cycling, swimming, reading, traveling and listening to music.
-I tend to like reducing interactions between things to simple schematic dynamics and can say I am good schematising things, although not necessarly visually.
-I am easily blocked by conceptual concerns of my actions and creations, and they can become a break to creation, often out of fear of my works being seen as too naive or conceptually irrelevant otherwise.
-If there is one person in history I identify with on many aspects and feel very much in touch with, it's the writer Mishima. I am also very interested in Japanese culture and art history, and to a lesser extent to Chinese history too. I very much see the values of the bushido as a code by which I should live, and up to which I judge my worth (needless to say, I feel very worthless, but I work on improvement).
I think that's pretty much all. I hope I didn't bore you, and that you won't hate me after reading this. I am nicer than it seems, and I am not that arrogant as this might convey.
Edit : I am extremely perfectionist, and I am very unhappy about how I wrote this. But I decided to try not to edit it so it is more of a natural, on the fire of action description, and that it might speak better about how I think without self-conscious alterations.
I am totally new to the place, and I don't know if it's most appropriate to just pop here and ask for typing. But I hope some will answer my request.
From what I understand I'd have to write a little biography.
As a preface I wish to apologise for the poor grammar and syntax and the self-centeredness of such thing.
My earliest memories go back to when I turned 2 when I stopped being the only child of my parents, with the arrival of my sister in the house.
I remember seeing her cradle from below, and somehow getting that it was an important thing.
At kindergarten I had very little friends and spent most of my time alone, walking around the playground. Watching cartoons about space travel and alice in wonderland influenced me a lot, and I remember thinking that when walking arond the sandbox I was on an intergalactic trip, and would talk about light years (without really understanding what it meant) before knowing how to read.
There were funny noises from the plumbing in the toilets, and I thought that they were two extra-terrestrial persons. Bwitch from neptune and Volconel from Venus (sometimes from Jupiter too).
I learnt how to read when I was 4, and around that time my interest in space gradually shifted in an interest for geography, I was fascinated by the different vegetations, people, foods, climates around the world, and invented my own countries, often locating them in countries that had caught my attention.
At that point, the playground of primary school began the map of those lands, there were different layers of concrete on the ground according to places, with different texture, and many interestin features that became deserts, towns, lakes, mountains.
I spent most of my time walking around and imaginating I was doing a documentary on those places or a film about the lives of the people that visited the place, their experiences and reactions.
While I knew how to read early, I was a bad student, I had bad handwriting, very messy works, and poor attention skills.
I was also terribly bad at sports, very uncoordinated and uninterested.
All this gave me a lot of resent and feelings of inferiority towards the other children.
When I was around 6 or 7 I had one invented country in particular that remained and that I still spend time thinking about and perfecting nowadays, although I added another one that has become even more important around when I turned 10. Which coincides more or less with acquiring an interest in languages, their origins, how they work, and even more importantly : their phonetic sounds. And also creating the languages for my countries.
Puberty is when I started opening more to others and socialising beyond the children of my parents friends. And while I often took good pleasure in interactions one on one with friends. I always felt awkward around more people and would be very fast dismissed or subject to jokes.
Around 12 I got an interest in politics, more or less for the sake of perfecting my countries, and got at that time very much into communism, as well as buddhist views (in a very very very naive way though).
My first interest and source of knowledge that wasn't in the aim of making my countries was a strong interest in metal music that first appeared when I was 13 and that is still a very big part of my life now and which has expended during the last couple of years into an interest in music in general.
And in many ways it has become and still is one of my greatest tools for socialising too.
Shortly after started high school years, where two other important passions came to life : photography and travels alone (that is, not with family like before).
I first interested in photography for 2 reasons : I wanted to take picture of places I had been, but rather to mislead people into seeing the places like I wanted them to see them, or taking pictures of places that looked like my invented countries. As since I could remember, I loved books with photos of the world because I would place them in my invented countries (oh the theft!).
At that time, my outlook on politics and philosophy changed quite drastically. I got into Nietzsche and Paganish things. Although I have to say that Paganism attracted me mainly on an aesthetical point of view (which I think might be the case for many people interested in it).
High school years were kind of messy, but not necessarly in a bad way. My school results in many subjects had become quite abysmal (I was schooled in the French system and took up the Scientific section to please my parents and my smudged perception of myself as a kind of scientist, yet I failed miserably at maths and physics). I shunned school except for the darkroom of the school, and spent my time escaping through books, fictions and romantic fantasies as well as trying to undertand my sexual orientation (which is still something I don't understand nowadays).
I got the occasion at 16 to go for my first trip alone, traveling for 25 days through northern Europe, with a backpack, a camera, and tickets to a metal festival in Finland.
This was a huge realisation and some of the best memories in my life. I knew I enjoyed walking in forests, seeing their beauties, and imaginating legends from them and fitting them in my countries. But this trip was different. It took a more direct aspect, I was living on the instant and sucking up everything I saw, not asigning them to my countries, simply capturing their essence, and yeah, dreaming at moments or others, that behind a tree in the Finnish forest would come some elven character. ANd of course, taking pictures too, pictures that were frank about the place, where the only concern was not aout giving a special image of the places, but rather showing its beauty the best ways possible.
This trip is still bound in sensations from all 5 senses that I recall with much pleasure.
I laboriously finished high school, and decided to study architecture, both as a suggestion from my father, and as what I believed would be the best way to put a bit of my invention in the real world. I started very well, but soon failed again. Lost motivation, getting more and more disgusted by the philosophy of architecture nowadays and the crowd of architecture students, than by the act of creating work.
It also corresponds to a time where I found new passions again : one directed at gathering knowledge for my countries, that is anthropology. And the other directed at quenching the thirst for meaning in life, that is metaphysics, and esoteric traditions.
It is also a time where I spent a lot more time analysing my values, the values of the world around me as well as the fuzzy aspects of my mind, my dreams, the textures and sounds in my head, the dreams, the roots of my tastes in things. The primary matters of what my imaginary lands were made of.
And with it came a growing envy of creating things that were based on those primary matters, or on the visions from dream like states. I decided to start studying fine arts and photography more specifically to achieve these goals, and it is pretty much where I am now.
During the last 2-3 years my invented countries have been toned down a lot, and my social life finally kicked in, although I certainly aren't a social butterfly, I take enjoyment in dancing, some social gatherings around people I feel comfortable with, as well as spending active time outdoors, feeling the world as it is.
What takes most of my thinking time now are : thinking about my ideals and values, how I believe I should be in the world, and what the world should be like (which some of my friends describe as pining) as well as producing beautiful, strong works that convey those aesthetics that are so important to me, and which I believe can be universalised.
I spend a lot of efforts trying to compensate for my messy and disorganised ways, as well as being a confident person around people and also conforming to what I believe is right behaviour (which often goes against some of my natural instincts).
To give a few more informations :
-I am rather upbeat, and tend to have a hard time staying in place for too long. Unless I am focused on doing something (reading, learning about stuff, creating work).
-I am prone to occasional bouts of depressive mood and anxiety, although I am overall on the happier side.
-I am good with understanding the workings of languages, climates and metaphysical writings.
-I am bad at understanding movement and things in action, most verbose XXth century philosophy (Sartre, Derrida, the activists at uni...).
-I enjoy cooking, photography, hiking, cycling, swimming, reading, traveling and listening to music.
-I tend to like reducing interactions between things to simple schematic dynamics and can say I am good schematising things, although not necessarly visually.
-I am easily blocked by conceptual concerns of my actions and creations, and they can become a break to creation, often out of fear of my works being seen as too naive or conceptually irrelevant otherwise.
-If there is one person in history I identify with on many aspects and feel very much in touch with, it's the writer Mishima. I am also very interested in Japanese culture and art history, and to a lesser extent to Chinese history too. I very much see the values of the bushido as a code by which I should live, and up to which I judge my worth (needless to say, I feel very worthless, but I work on improvement).
I think that's pretty much all. I hope I didn't bore you, and that you won't hate me after reading this. I am nicer than it seems, and I am not that arrogant as this might convey.
Edit : I am extremely perfectionist, and I am very unhappy about how I wrote this. But I decided to try not to edit it so it is more of a natural, on the fire of action description, and that it might speak better about how I think without self-conscious alterations.