ColonelGadaafi
New member
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2008
- Messages
- 773
- MBTI Type
- ESTJ
- Enneagram
- Si
Is their any effective method of having them shutting up? about the trivial things they consider important?.
Is their any effective method of having them shutting up? about the trivial things they consider important?.
The best thing that works with me is a very direct and concrete approach. "I don't want to talk about this. It is obviously very important to you but it is not a priority for me at all. I need to move on to other things. End of story." (depends on the situation and relatiionship with the person, but this is a general approach that usually works for me.)
Wow, I would say not completely. I have found to be most effective an acknowlegement of the "issue" followed by a promise to think about solutions to it. For example:
SJ: How come no one puts stuff away? Why am I the only person who does anything around here?
Me: I hear what you are saying - that's frustrating. Let's think about how we can fix this.
I think an SJ just needs reassurance that someone cares (or wants to understand) about what bothers them and make an effort to try to facilitate a fix.
Ouch.
Good luck with that.
That's what I was thinking. If I said that to my ESTJ step mom I'd get eaten alive.
actually, it works.
my mother, (esfj)
2 supervisors (estjs)
friends, (istjs, isfjs)
all back down after this approach. It seems scary but I don't really care, if people piss me off then they're going to get responses like that. I just always remember that nagging is rude and inappropriate and unacceptable. They don't put up with my shit, I don't put up with theirs.
This approach works best for me and causes the least damage for both parties.Wow, I would say not completely. I have found to be most effective an acknowlegement of the "issue" followed by a promise to think about solutions to it.
For example:
SJ: How come no one puts stuff away? Why am I the only person who does anything around here?
Me: I hear what you are saying - that's frustrating. Let's think about how we can fix this.
I think an SJ just needs reassurance that someone cares (or wants to understand) about what bothers them and make an effort to try to facilitate a fix.
Hope that helps!
I wish I could help you, but I can't think of any plan of action.
What are you okay with? Do you want to try persuading the SJ, or winning a verbal fight, or trying to compromise, or what?
I'm always at a loss when people ask this question around here. The only obvious solution involves someone losing their pride, and most people would rather not do that, especially repeatedly. Is there any comfortable way to handle this?
The truth is that most people can be reasoned with, so if you each sit down and explain yourselves to each other, and try to find a solution, it can usually work, even if not a great one. Do we really think we are the only reasonable people around?
But sometimes, people just aren't easy to deal with, and stubbornness runs strong in SJs. So I wonder what we can all do.