small.wonder
So she did.
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2013
- Messages
- 965
- Enneagram
- 4w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
Have you ever thought about how who your parents are as individuals, has affected who you have become? The Enneagram has provided a lot of clarity on that topic for me and am curious if others have made simmilar developmental connections, that they'd be willing to share.
For example: My Dad is 3w4 Sp/Sx, 378, and my Mom is 2w3, Sp/Sx, 261. My experience all my life has been being over-helped, and over-pushed. Cultural ideals were glorified heavily, and in my Dad's abscence (working and traveling), I became the much needed anchor and truth speaker in my family.
I love both of my parents dearly, but no parent is perfect. Their attitudes towards me from a young age caused me to assert my independance forcefully. My Mom has always done things without asking, some very thoughtful, but some controlling and dismissive of my own preferences and abilities. In middle school I started refusing some of this automatic "help". The caused me to develop pretty direct communication, and confusion as to why others didn't say what they thought. I saw my Mom as weak for many years, because she could not quell the chaos in our house, but instead kind of hid from it. I ended up taking that role on myself. Enter 8 fix.
My Dad's influence is much more indirect, but has almost shaped me more heavily. He has been emotionally and physically absent much of my life, and so loved me with money and material things instead-- something from a young age, I began to not only devalue, but villianize. I also began to see "showing off" (or any form of narcissistic behavior) as abhorant, and started to hide and drown my own gifts out of fear of becoming like my Dad in that way. I was humiliated by his arrogance and demeaning of other people, and by the time I was about 12, kind of livid about it. I began to see the open use of my own gifts in that light, that it was shameful, and not authentic to perform for praise. I suspect this was pretty big in my core development as a 4/5-- learning that things were not good unless they were done out of pure expression, and that material, main stream, achievement nauseated me. I think also because I could not relate to, or desire to be either of my parents, true, individual identity became a deep interest.
Anyone else? How did your parents types contribute to your own?
For example: My Dad is 3w4 Sp/Sx, 378, and my Mom is 2w3, Sp/Sx, 261. My experience all my life has been being over-helped, and over-pushed. Cultural ideals were glorified heavily, and in my Dad's abscence (working and traveling), I became the much needed anchor and truth speaker in my family.
I love both of my parents dearly, but no parent is perfect. Their attitudes towards me from a young age caused me to assert my independance forcefully. My Mom has always done things without asking, some very thoughtful, but some controlling and dismissive of my own preferences and abilities. In middle school I started refusing some of this automatic "help". The caused me to develop pretty direct communication, and confusion as to why others didn't say what they thought. I saw my Mom as weak for many years, because she could not quell the chaos in our house, but instead kind of hid from it. I ended up taking that role on myself. Enter 8 fix.
My Dad's influence is much more indirect, but has almost shaped me more heavily. He has been emotionally and physically absent much of my life, and so loved me with money and material things instead-- something from a young age, I began to not only devalue, but villianize. I also began to see "showing off" (or any form of narcissistic behavior) as abhorant, and started to hide and drown my own gifts out of fear of becoming like my Dad in that way. I was humiliated by his arrogance and demeaning of other people, and by the time I was about 12, kind of livid about it. I began to see the open use of my own gifts in that light, that it was shameful, and not authentic to perform for praise. I suspect this was pretty big in my core development as a 4/5-- learning that things were not good unless they were done out of pure expression, and that material, main stream, achievement nauseated me. I think also because I could not relate to, or desire to be either of my parents, true, individual identity became a deep interest.
Anyone else? How did your parents types contribute to your own?