You wanted to connect...You sound as if you have adjusted your external behaviour so as not to drive people away...I believe this is Fe...
Hm. That could be one of the reasons. But I have been okay without people for most of my life... it was only recently that I adjusted my behavior. One reason is... I acknowledged that I live in a world that has preset rules resulting from civilization. As a child, I was oblivious to these rules, but as an adult... ignorance of how the world operates is no longer something that I can overlook. I need to know how to interact with people... because, like it or not, I share living space on this planet with them. If I keep on the track I was on... achieving my goals would be difficult. Because I will always have to deal with people. Another reason is... some people genuinely interest me. If I was to be selfish and neglect my social skills... how do I associate with these people I find fascinating without boring them to death or weirding them out? Finally, I have seen too many people who have mistakenly assumed that being an island is a good way to live their lives (my mother's ex boyfriend, my aunt's deceased husband, people I interact with online who are just mad... and angry.) To me, they seemed to be plagued by an overwhelming emptiness... if I truly had the right to choose, I would choose not to end up like them. It seems that... people who have social connections are happier... at least that is what science seems to point out. But, you know, it has to be the right social connections. Not haphazardly chosen ones.
One reason I chose Fi as well... was I compared myself to my friend. I will give you a real situation...
we meet a guy... this guy is, to me, weird. My friend would try to please this guy because he makes her feel good even though she knows he's kind of shady... while I would just be *meh* about him because I have concluded that interaction with him is pointless. In our class as well, I would be okay interacting with people... but I don't crave it. This friend of mine seem to have the inherent ability to level with people while I have to rely on learned strategies. It doesn't help that I don't proactively interact with other people as well.
But basically, when I interact with people I usually have a purpose.
This is how I learn thru my Ni and Ti...So may be Ti perhaps...I've always associated Te with giving orders and commands around to structure the external world...not entirely sure if that holds water or not...
Does having to rely on others to learn something new make you feel inferior/insufficient? Do you abhor relying on other people?
I don't know enough about Te. But from what I understand... Te has to do with controlling the outer world. So it's possible those are manifestations of it. I don't know if it's Te... but I'm painfully aware that the outer world can be easily controlled... so many people are just oblivious to it or lazy. Where I live now... I cannot use much of Te. But in the future... I would like to build my own soundproof studio type house with a garden and other customizations. I want to design my own abode. For now though, I have managed to secure my own room and organize it as I desire. I would like to make things(outside of my room)more efficient but this place isn't mine so.
Asking people... doesn't make me feel inferior. It's more a matter of trust. I distrust most people's knowledge. I know how easy it is for information to be misinterpreted or just be plain incorrect. However, there are people that have earned my respect. And I don't mind asking those people for information if I wasn't able to acquire it myself. Maybe it's also... because... when I find something on my own(information, different way of looking at things, a loophole in a system)... it's like a mini-achievement. It gives me joy.
What in daily life causes you most distress/annoyance/fear/anxiety in relation to other people around?
Do friends tell you things that they say you've told them but you don't recall telling?
Are you a good storyteller among friends?
How old are you?
-In relation to other people around... I truly fear having to rely on them. It makes me anxious or irritates me sometimes when I know they are incorrect yet they are unaware of it and proud. Especially when it's someone who should know what they are talking about. And I'm just... "this is the best humanity has to offer?"... "please, let the answer to that be no.".
-i have this friend who tested ISFJ. and sometimes she would say I said certain things that I can't remember. But with further probing... sometimes a feeling would bubble up and I would get the thought that yeah... I said those things. So... I can't explain it. I would just tell my friend that I don't remember though... it's easier.
-i'm fairly good at explaining... but not at storytelling. Because... well, they don't really get my stories. The stories my friends seem to prefer are those about each other or other people. I usually am better at explaining how things work or coming up with theories. I can mimic small talk since I'm exposed to it a lot. But it has to be spaced out and not prolonged. I'm so much better at storytelling in the written form though.
-the magic number is 22.
Why exactly? What do you feel/think at those times? What exactly in the other person cause you distress? What do you feel they expect from you that you cannot deliver to them?
I have arrived at this through contemplation of past experiences... I would like to give three examples.
1.) It was after class. My friend and I were at this coffee house. And there was a man seated a few tables away from us. My friend started talking about him... reading him. At first it was interesting... Then she proceeded to talk and talk and talk. I don't know what happened... but I just mentally shut down. I just stared at the guy for a couple of minutes. I shut my friend out. And then the next thing I heard was my friend saying "Hey, you suddenly stopped talking. What happened?". It's like I mentally vacated the premises.
2.) When my grandmother shared my room. She would tell stories... a lot of them. And I would just lie there in bed... with actual tightening in my chest... wishing that she would just stop.
3.) I was the assigned leader of this group for a school project. We were practicing our parts. And they were just soooo unprepared. What worsened it for me was... they knew it. They knew they weren't prepared yet they continued to slack, make jokes, catch up on irrelevant business. They were mingling and having fun. And I was just sitting there... in the midst of all that. I couldn't take it. I just left. I abandoned them and went somewhere to breathe.
The reason I selected these examples is because these are the most salient ones for me. Since I'm not usually social. I have few memories of being with people for extended periods. These are the ones that made me decide I can't handle too much stimulation from them.