2XtremeENFP
New member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2008
- Messages
- 446
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
- Enneagram
- 3w4
Always felt my Fi is very strong, perhaps even so strong that it may be warped...
I've built so much of an identify and branded myself with certain ideals while I was single and now that I am getting married, it's like I am going against my old self, and having to do things that I always prided myself on things and forgot how it adjusts when you get married...and now it's difficult to accept.
Let me try and explain:
I know this will sound warped but hopefully it makes sense and no one judges or takes offense to what I am saying...
Most all revolves around my faith. I am a Christian and try and live the lifestyle of how I am called to be. I am well into my 20s and still a virgin & am waiting until my wedding night.
I've had it built in my mind and always made an example to my friends of what kind of life a person can have if they refrain from having sex in a relationship. All of my friends know me as the girl who doesn't have sex. hahah and I like it! I take pride in the fact that I have refrained from it after dating my fiance for 8 years! We both are virgins and our Fi is so proud of our choice.
It's now hard for me to break that ideal. It's like I have "Sex is bad!" in my head and I now feel uncomfortable to think, holy crap, I am going to be having sex soon, and now all of a sudden it's Ok! It's right. This is what I was waiting for... but it's still like, weird for me to think that I am losing that Identity. I am losing the lesson i was trying to teach people. I am no longer different, or unique. It's hard for me to handle -- if that makes sense.
(And for the record, I was not remaining a virgin til marriage just because "the church" says, I truly believe that it is the best choice)
Along with this, I started taking birth control to prepare for the marriage coming up. I've never had to worry about contraceptions, obviously, and while growing up, I associated that with something I won't have to worry about since I'm holding the V-card. Now, that I started taking it, I feel embarrassed. I'm not having sex, but I am taking something that people who had sex take. It's like I never want to take the pill in front of others. I hate that I can't break this idea that it's bad when i Know it's now.... weird...
Lastly, side note. I am having a HARD HARD HARD time realizing that I will change my last name. Again, Losing my Fi identity. Losing my ethic last name to an ethnicity that is not me. Not to mention, I really don't like my fiance's last name He is aware. But he will be heart broken if i don't take it or hyphenate. There's no other solution. I want to take his last name, for the idealistic reason, but I hate that I will be losing myself. And I can't shake this feeling.
I just am wondering if others have had to shift their lives and lose some Fi qualities and how they've adjusted...
I've built so much of an identify and branded myself with certain ideals while I was single and now that I am getting married, it's like I am going against my old self, and having to do things that I always prided myself on things and forgot how it adjusts when you get married...and now it's difficult to accept.
Let me try and explain:
I know this will sound warped but hopefully it makes sense and no one judges or takes offense to what I am saying...
Most all revolves around my faith. I am a Christian and try and live the lifestyle of how I am called to be. I am well into my 20s and still a virgin & am waiting until my wedding night.
I've had it built in my mind and always made an example to my friends of what kind of life a person can have if they refrain from having sex in a relationship. All of my friends know me as the girl who doesn't have sex. hahah and I like it! I take pride in the fact that I have refrained from it after dating my fiance for 8 years! We both are virgins and our Fi is so proud of our choice.
It's now hard for me to break that ideal. It's like I have "Sex is bad!" in my head and I now feel uncomfortable to think, holy crap, I am going to be having sex soon, and now all of a sudden it's Ok! It's right. This is what I was waiting for... but it's still like, weird for me to think that I am losing that Identity. I am losing the lesson i was trying to teach people. I am no longer different, or unique. It's hard for me to handle -- if that makes sense.
(And for the record, I was not remaining a virgin til marriage just because "the church" says, I truly believe that it is the best choice)
Along with this, I started taking birth control to prepare for the marriage coming up. I've never had to worry about contraceptions, obviously, and while growing up, I associated that with something I won't have to worry about since I'm holding the V-card. Now, that I started taking it, I feel embarrassed. I'm not having sex, but I am taking something that people who had sex take. It's like I never want to take the pill in front of others. I hate that I can't break this idea that it's bad when i Know it's now.... weird...
Lastly, side note. I am having a HARD HARD HARD time realizing that I will change my last name. Again, Losing my Fi identity. Losing my ethic last name to an ethnicity that is not me. Not to mention, I really don't like my fiance's last name He is aware. But he will be heart broken if i don't take it or hyphenate. There's no other solution. I want to take his last name, for the idealistic reason, but I hate that I will be losing myself. And I can't shake this feeling.
I just am wondering if others have had to shift their lives and lose some Fi qualities and how they've adjusted...