My ex was a 9w8 and I'm an 8 (probably a slightly stronger wing 9).
I seek out conflict on the internet - through political debates or recently, another personality forum. But in my personal life, I don't fight much except if it's necessary.
When I dated a 9w8 for two years, we didn't fight often, but it was always me starting a confrontation. He would push me beyond the limit, showing up late, leaving his huge mess around and dishes, spending his money thoughtlessly and not having enough for food so that I had to pay; being lazy in ways that affected *me* and *my* schedule. He was a hard worker at work, but lazy at home, and I don't take well to imposition on my space and time. So I would confront him, and he would not fight back, and would make peace. Then, for a week he'd change his habits, and ultimately slip back into the same habits. I was always more take-charge, and when something came up that I was doing, which was unfair to him, I changed it, worked on myself, and took it seriously. Once I promise to do something, I do it. If I don't intend to do it, I say so in the first place. But he would just say something to appease me, and fail to do what he said, if he didn't feel like it at the time.
I don't want to make him sound all bad, though. He was very calming and kind and patient. When I gave him a list of all the things I needed him to do, I asked him what he needed from me, and he said, in essence, "I need you to believe I love you, and that when I do these things, it's not because I don't love you, but only because I have terrible habits. It's my own problem. I am not as goal-oriented as you. It doesn't mean I don't love you." He was my first long-term boyfriend, because prior, I never let anyone in and had issues with vulnerability. So, props to the 9w8 for softening me up.
That might help?