Eights seem to find (and I definitely am included) that the 'partner in crime' situation is best. It is best to find other ways to 'rely' on the person.. versus becoming entirely one person. It is all viewpoints and perspectives.
I am capable of caring very deeply for people, and I go to great lengths for those I care about. But I do not find myself 'becoming one' with the partner the way most people seem to want. I do not necessarily find this healthy. My sister is very much like her husband now even though she had very few traits in common with him when they started dating. To me, this sort of thing causes a lot of conflict.. since her husband's actions and persona do not reflect that of a healthy family lifestyle. It has caused a lot of tension between her family now since she must be loyal to the family she has created. While we understand, it doesn't make things easier.
I don't think having a healthy, loving relationship should be defined on how much I like what the other person likes. I once cared about these things, and I found more often than not that they were shallow and shit relationships. I care about very few things.. I don't care if my SO is a nerd, or if they've ever played final fantasy, or if they think Blink 182 is one of the best bands of their generation.. But I DO care that they are supportive of what I want to do in my life, if they are patient and loyal, and that I know I make them happy. In return, I will communicate my happiness with them, work on myself, and support their adventures 100% even if those adventures mean some time away from them here and there.
The thing is, finding another person that thinks that way... is rare. I'm a female.. most men do not want me to continue the way I currently act and behave when I get into a relationship with them. They start disliking how many male friends I have.. how loyal and dedicated I am to them. They start to want all of my attention focused on them. While this will naturally happen with time, and I will learn the quirks of the relationship to keep it steady and calm, I need to change at my own pace. Not at the pace of the relationship itself. That means I could decide "you know, I think I will start trying this since he likes it so much" when we're dating.. or years after we are married. If I change outside of that pace, I get resentful quickly and shut down and mentally doom the relationship to failure from then on out.
It does seem a bit selfish to put myself first when relationships are about compromise. It isn't to say no compromise happens ever.. but if I preserve myself and feel safe and secure, I can flourish in a relationship and provide more. Making me feel insecure and out of control is the quickest way to turn me into a shit girlfriend. It reminds me somehow of that whole "Its not what you say but how you say it" mentality. Yeah, I put myself first.. but if you just realize that and work with it, it's really not as selfish and self-centered as it seems. A kind word, and a different kind of nudge can turn the same situation into a totally different answer.
I do tend to get a bit calculated over things, I get defensive very quickly (though I chalk a lot of that up to guarding myself from past experiences), and I anger easily. But I've been in a loving and long-lasting relationship, and I'd like to think I am still capable of it now.