My SO is an INTP. What's the best way to make him feel better about himself? He has a lot of confidence in his areas of expertise such as career but emotionally, he can retreat to an near-embryonic state.
This might sound counter-intuitive, but tell him to learn to really appreciate Ti, which is and probably always will be his primary function. Fe will come along in due time with maturity (not sure how old he is) - I see mine coming along more and more as time passes. But, make no mistake, Ti is a huge asset to the INTP. The world operates in a way that would almost have the INTP believe that his Ti is useless. It is certainly undervalued and under appreciated. And if the INTP lacks internal fortitude and focus, this can cause him to tuck Ti away in his back pocket and just become "pouty" and depressed. If you took the primary function away from
any type for any length of time, it would cause them to be unhappy, stressed, and probably depressed. That's why, I believe, INTP's so often retreat and just stay in Ti-mode for hours and hours and hours because this is the only place we really know how to operate in our primary function.
I am learning how to use Ti in an extroverted way. Some might call it Te. Maybe it is. Maybe I'm learning to use Te. But, I've become more patient with myself in social situations. If the situation calls for it, then I just let Ne run loose and joke with people and have fun with ideas. People will either think I'm hilarious or they'll think I'm a space cadet. Either way, I'm learning not to care. And I don't say that in a cynical way. I say it because I'm gaining confidence in how to put myself out there - and people are either going to like it or they aren't. But, I use Ti more and more in social situations - and you know what? It does well! Sometimes it's a little too intense for people or it scares them away or they think, "This guy doesn't mess around. He's a hard-nosed blah blah blah." But, people respect it when you put it out there.
What I'm saying is, it's OK to have emotions. But, Ti (his primary function) is not very emotional. It's tough. It's blunt. It's honest. It tells it like it is. It doesn't allow people to play head games or to manipulate. It calls people out on the B.S. Sometimes Ti isn't fun to be around, just like Te. But, Ti is our primary function. That's where we "belong" most of the time. There will be situations that call for Ne, Si, Fe, sure. But, learn to operate with Ti "out in the world". When he's wallowing and in that "embrionic state" that you speak of, it's because he's allowing Fe (his weakest function) to be boss. In those times, he needs to come back to Ti.
Example:
I have a supervisor who is always on everyone's case because we take too long on certain projects that he gives us. He will give us 4 hours of work and when we finish it in 4 hours, he will say, "What's your problem? That took way too long. This isn't working. You need to get it done in 2 hours or there's going to be some big changes." It's this kind of stuff
every single day. He's really hard on his employees and everyone is afraid of the guy.
It's easy for an INTP to just become depressed about a situation like this. To just feel hopeless because this guy is owning you every single day at work. If we're operating in Fe, then we won't say anything back to him when he disrespects us. We'll just let him walk all over us in order to keep the peace.
But, if we operate in Ti, then we feel happier and others respect us more. It's a win-win situation. The other day when my boss said this, I said something like, "Look, with all due respect, I put 100% into this work and to top it off, I skipped my afternoon break
just to please you. I didn't skip it because I wasn't hungry or I wasn't thirsty or I didn't want to take a break. I was hungry and I was thirsty and I did want a break. But, I wanted to be a team player and try to cut down on the time these projects are taking away from other work. That's about the best I can give you. If that's not good enough, then it's not going to work out anymore, because I'm giving you everything I've got."
It's basically a respectful, "Get off my back!" It's not "looking for a fight", but it's "standing up for what is right" and "not being a doormat".
The results are SO much better for the INTP than if he just goes, "Oh, OK boss. Sorry about that." Fe is good in some situations, but it's not the INTP's forte.