Yesterday I spent a great deal of time researching the differences between INTPs and INFPs. I'm not completely prepared to rule out INTP as my type, but I am leaning back toward NF. I just think I'm far too sensitive to be a Ti dominant personality, although my sensitivity is not outwardly obvious to most people. That's also not to say INTPs aren't capable of being bruised or having their feelings hurt -- it seems to be a fairly common misconception that all INTPs are cold Vulcan types with few feelings to hurt. I'd venture that they are may bruise as easily as INFPs, it's just how and where you "get to them" is different.
Back to the INFP vs INFJ debate: I'm finding
this site to be a useful resource. I'm sure you've all already seen it but it's probably the best sit I've yet found in helping me distinguish the two types. Particularly interesting is the section on communication styles of the two types.
Directing vs. Informing.
Directing comes more naturally to INTJs, Informing more naturally to INFPs. (Not to say both types aren't capable of of both styles.)
example of directing: "Please get us some milk."
example of informing: "We're out of milk."
I tend to use the informing style more, which would suggest INFP. Where this gets confusing, however, is determining if someone is using one of the styles more because they are naturally prone to it, or because they've learned and made a concerted effort to use one style over the other. At work, for instance, I tend to "inform" if I am asking a coworker or someone "under" me to do something, yet I am far more likely to "direct" if I am asking a supervisor for something. So I'm having difficulty determining which style comes more naturally to me. Cultural upbringing can also play a role, as people from the Southern United States (like myself) tend to be more conditioned to use the informing style, as it is perceived to be more polite, whereas someone from New York City may be more conditioned to direct.
What I feel is that when I "inform" people to do something at work, it often feels more forced. I feel I have to work up to asking them to do something so as not to seem bossy. Perhaps when I "direct" supervisors to do something for me, it's more natural, since I believe they are there to serve the needs of their "underlings." More of a sidenote: does the fact that I tend to view managers and supervisors more as equals than as superiors already give me away as an INFP?
It's not that I think one can easily peg one as an INFP or INFJ based solely on their communication styes, but could I be an INFJ who has been conditioned to force myself to use a communication style that is less natural to me for the sake of being more polite? Does my concern for others' feelings over my own suggest INFJ (not that INFPs are less concerned with others' feelings than their own)?
I wonder how many INFPs use a directing style more, particularly when in a position of authority, to seem less passive; likewise, I wonder how many INFJs in positions of authority have made a point of informing more so as to not seem bossy or overbearing.