Alright,so I'm starting to question whether I'm really a four or if I just want to be a four,because I want to be special and misunderstood or whatever.
I usually test as a 4w5,but that doesn't tell me much as I understand online tests are inaccurate,I fear I may just be lying to myself sub-consciously or something,or maybe I really have no idea who I am.Either way,I want to know which one I am,as the enneagram is a tool for self discovery and growth,and possibly lying to myself just defeats the purpose of it all.
Anyways,weird rant aside,I am pretty confident my tritype is some variant of 4-6-8,with the eight in last.
That being said,I relate to both 4 and 6 pretty well.
In regards to 4 I relate to their feelings of shame,of being defective,their romanticism,being aware of their own emotions,as well as their integration and disintegration points.When I was younger I always felt that I wasn't like my peers,like I was fucked up in some way that made me awkward,and inept in comparison.I think this was due to my being very sensitive from an early age,in tandem with being rejected by certain people early on,I've never truly been able to get over/cope with that.Whereas before I felt I was defective,now I have come to accept myself for what I am,and understand that there's nothing wrong with me,it's just the way I am.
The only thing I don't relate to is 4's aversion to conflict,but maybe that's just because of my tritype.
Now for 6.I relate to 6's need to face their fears;I have to come to suspect that I have a bit of social anxiety,people have always made me extremely nervous and I really detest talking to strangers.Once more,going back to my younger days,I used to go to great lengths to avoid having to interact with people(ie. skipping school,ditching class)for fear that they would notice my anxiety,therefore I would run away from my fears.As I have grown,I've learned to enjoy pushing myself to do things I am afraid of such as interacting with people when necessary,I've learned to hide my anxiety mildly well,and appear relatively at ease,although I still haven't figured out how to stop myself from blushing when someone catches me off-guard,haha.All in all,I like pushing myself to do things I don't want to/am afraid of,I see them as a challenge or a chance to improve myself.
However,I do not relate to 6's loyalist,rule abiding nature,but that may be because I'm an Sx first?I also do not relate to it's disintegration point for certain,and I'm pretty sure I don't relate to it's integration point very well either.
I apologize for my rambling,and would appreciate anyone's input on which one they think I am,based on this of course.