Whoa, this one's a little heavy. Anyways, I've never decided to publicly opened up about this until today. (sigh)
My mornings start off with me attempting to wash off last night's hangover with a warm dampened cloth and denial, followed by a quick vomiting of the excess alcohol to fully regain my composure. Then, it's off to the liquor store (Keep in mind that by this time it's roughly 9-10am). Once I get there, I both scrounge through both the ash tray and attempt to solicit some of my, uh, services, in an attempt to do a little fundraising for a day filled with vodka fueled escapades. By the time I've collected my money and cleaned my mouth, I go inside, browse the isles, make awkward purchasing conversation with the cashier and fellow alcoholics that refuse to see any sort of wrong in looking to score alcohol during the hours of which kids are still in school, and then return home. Once home, I sit out in the front yard in my lawn chair, while wearing a pair of gas station purchased sunglasses, and watch the day fade away in a haze of half-serious comments and cigarette smoke.
One of the highlights of the day at this point is watching the kids play kickball in the street, which is a mundane event in and of itself, but I then like to antagonize both their poor hand eye coordination skills and lack of talent; I especially like picking on one little neighborhood fat kid in particular, only because I enjoy listening to him rant on and on about how it's attributed to a thyroid problem as he sits on the curb eating an entire box of fruit roll-ups in one sitting. This last little bit accounts for about 40% of my conscious day, with everything afterwards appearing only in intermittent flashes. Around 5:00-5:45 or so, I'm generally awoken by the sound of the UPS man attempting to cross over my now passed out body on the sidewalk, followed by the faint sound of him expressing his concern to my neighbors that both me urinating on the sidewalks and exposing myself to local door-to-door girl scout tribes have started to become regular occurrences.
Eh.. did you have a question about it?
Wow.........
I'm not really sure how to respond here, but thank you for sharing. I am running to an inservice in a bit but I will try to respond better later. Also, the bit about the fat kid is hilarious despite the heaviness of the rest of the post!!!
Um, well.
I don't know. I actually wrote this drunk, and then woke up and ran to the computer, wishing that I could delete a thread. No turning back now I guess.
Um, well.
I don't know. I actually wrote this drunk, and then woke up and ran to the computer, wishing that I could delete a thread. No turning back now I guess.
I'm curious about how the thinking changes. I have been suspecting myself to have possible alcoholism because of a recent and sudden change in my relationship with alcohol. I actually don't drink every day. Probably twice a week, but I really don't like my relationship with alcohol anymore. I don't like myself when I'm drinking, and I don't seem to be able to stop. I recently called out of work with a bad hangover and lied. About a week ago. And I decided to stop drinking alone then.. "Only drink socially".... and have drank twice alone since. It seems that liquor is the problem.
It's true that I've always been able to hold my liquor. Drink and drink and drink and never appear to get drunk. As much as I really don't want to admit this, (and I'm not proud), am able to drive drunk with seeming ease. Have gotten pulled over drunk, (ran a red light,) and got out of it. The thinking wasn't the same though. It was just me going out and acting crazy. (ESFP Irish American Yankee.)
Lately I have been avoiding social drinking for fear of getting too drunk. I can physically not drink for a while, but it can't go on forever and then I just drink and don't stop. One of my cousins used to be drunk all the time and then jusstopped one day. He just won't drink anymore. He's not in AA, but just stopped. I relate to that. I think once your relationship with alcohol changes, it seems that it will stay that way...
My father is an alcoholic, but I've never met him. My mother's side, (known), is full of them. One of my best friends is one. Seems like a normal lifestyle to me, actually, just because of being surrounded.
So, that's my question I guess.... What's the thinking? (Or, anything else people are able to share....)
Anyway, to get a better handle on my drinking, during one of my dry-out phases I decided to try having exactly one drink after dinner every single night. And it actually worked out pretty well. It’s been many years now, and I still have that single drink every night after dinner.
Anyway, that’s my advice to you: If you don’t want to quit but don’t like your current drinking habits, then you could try retraining your drinking in a new direction. It takes a while, and there will be a lot of times when you’ll want to have a second and third drink after dinner. But try to stick to the plan.
If that doesn’t work, then maybe you really do need to think of stopping altogether. Or at least hand over the car keys to someone else when you have that first drink of the night, to avoid the most obvious of alcohol-related pitfalls. You can’t get away with drunk driving forever, and when you finally get busted the penalties are pretty harsh.
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Ha, I've done that a lot of times. If you do things while drinking that you later regret, that is a sign that you are not handling your drinking well and that you are out-of-control. I know that seems obvious but my mind will play tricks with me, and minimize the problem.
I would guess you have a problem.
You resemble me in the way you are treating alcohol use.
Drinking alone, fear of getting too drunk and not being able to stop drinking (out of control), doing things you later regret, getting hangovers so bad you call into work sick, binging, etc.
Been there and done them all so many times......
I overcame it by quitting liquor altogether. I still drink beer but I limit usage. (One a day, sometimes two, but that is all). I can handle that. If I drink liquor one night, I have massive cravings for a week. It's not worth it. Sometimes I relapse and go on mini-binges where I drink for a week to a month. I don't really drink THAT much..... heh, I tell myself that, but I can down six to nine drinks in a night, and that's abuse. I'll drink that one or two nights a week, and then drink two or three the rest, when I'm binging. So it could be worse..... However, I am binging less now than ever, and it's not affecting my life so much anymore. No horrible consequences (boyfriend angry, horrible fights, don't remember what I did, etc. - mostly gone). My goal is to never drink liquor again. haha I might be able to do it next year. It has taken me several years of effort to overcome the worst of it.
Same thing I do, except I limit to beer and wine. It has worked for me too.
Seems to work for me too. It's definitely about drink management and showing restraint.
Agreed. I would suggest drinking at home, calling cabs, or yes, handing over the keys early-on to avoid driving. Drinking and driving should be no-tolerance. No one else should have to pay for your mistakes, given that you are eventually involved in an alcohol-related accident. And you can end up with a felony charge at worst, lose your license at best (depending on the state you live in),.... it's just not worth the risk, to yourself or others. My father thought he could drive too, but it got away from him. He ended up with three DWI's, lost his license, and wrecked his car. This was in the 70's/80's when penalties weren't nearly as harsh.
to think that you can let an inanimate substance have such control over you is kind of a totally embarassing thing... even now I'll occasionally feel that I NEED a drink in order to function... I drink a cup of coffee or tea instead because that kind of freaks me out... I quit drinking 2 years ago and the thought that it STILL has that power over me is not a comforting thought
Yes, that is scary!!! It reminds me of a South Park they had a while back making fun of alcoholism. It was a hilarious episode teasing people who "can't stop drinking" and pretty much saying, "Just stop." Obviously alcoholism is a very real thing, but it makes sense that you should just be able to quit. I find the intervention episodes with the alcoholics to be the worst ones!!!
I'm with you, though. I need a drink in hand at all times, whether it's coffee or juice or water or alcohol! The sink is always full of cups at the end of the day!
Thank you, this is a good post. Seems like it's hard to define... That line that you cross.... I know that thinking that drinking while driving is alright shows really poor judgement on my part, (anybody's part!!) It's just a no tolerance thing. I know I can drive safely with 2 beers on board, or depending on how long it took to drink them. But it's not fair to think I'm going to just stop at 2 beers. I think I'm going to do what you did. Just stop for a while, maybe rebuild the relationship in a different way, (like someone else said.) maybe it's reversible at this point... maybe I'm just walking a fine line. I would really hate to think that I can't have that moderated, healthy social relationship with alcohol ever again. I'm an exfp for cripes sake. Eat, drink, be merry is the saying. Not eat, go to AA, and be merry.