Too funny, my childhood best friend is a 7 too (w/8 to be specific)! Sidebar: Woah, I should totally talk to her about this whole topic, why did I not think of that! We got into shenanigans too, but the interesting thing is that we sort of juggled the leadership between us. I was guilty of the "what, other friends?" thing too, we actually had a third wheel tag-a-long friend (whom I believe is either 2w3 or 3w2) whom I was
terrible to. It was probably out of territoriality towards my best friend, but it's not excuse-- I was
way to honest about her annoying, clingy, cry-in-an-instant self. I have since appologized to her close to...10 times. At least a couple were in written form.
Weird, we had a 2w3 mutual friend as well (the child of the neighbor with the abused dog, actually). I'd get annoyed when we formed a trio, but eventually I'd realize "the more the merrier" and we'd all have a good time (why I'm soc-second, I guess). Still, that initial reaction was there. HOW DARE YOU HAVE OTHER FRIENDS?
About your 7 or 2 friend, I haven't had the fool-hardy issue with 7's yet. That's either because I don't know enough of them, or because I'm actually pretty adventurous myself-- I don't act like an idiot, but fear doesn't really have a place in my life.
I don't consider myself to be an overly fearful person, actually, but when my friend, unwed and 5 months pregnant, told me she was going to Egypt, alone, to teach English during the Arab Spring...that's like,
Um LOL...Do you know how stupid you sound??? Things like that always had me shouting an opinion at her. I am not suggesting most 7s would do that, btw--she's quite at the extreme end of unrealism.
And, a couple people have given similar responses, which I'd like to comment on:
i think i just sort of live my life with the understanding of all the struggles people have to endure...all the hardships...like true hardships..poverty..mental illness...having no family or friends...being incarcerated...loosing family members...your child?? or not being able to care for them? or being evicted or not having a job? or being in a major accident etc etc
and i just have no patience for it...
the complaints about made up shit. like...it is visceral...it pisses me off. it's being handed a beautiful gift and shitting all over it.
sorry
First, let me say that as a 4w5 I am in total agreement with much of this. I have a sister, for instance, who claims to be a 4, and she's quite similar. She was raised in a double income household, never yelled at about money, never ostracized, never publicly humiliated, has had friends and lovers wherever she turned, and had not one, but TWO--count 'em, TWO--loving parents. For whatever reason, this is markedly different from my own upbringing, yet she's been even more ungrateful than I am!
She used to feel superior to us, for instance, because we're coarse people who haven't "suffered". And I just have to look at her and think, a) how do you know what we've experienced, and b) how exactly have you suffered???
Now I can go on the negative downswings you describe here...definitely..."I HATE MY LIFE!" but I have long tried to be cognizant of the fact that most people have it worse than I do.
I actually feel more depressed about the fact that I
don't have a life than about the fact that I've "suffered". I can't speak for other 4s (clearly, not my sister anyway), but for me, it's the boredom inherent in being cut off from life. I've found that my self-pity is inversely proportional to the number of years I've spent having moved out of the house.
I think as reactive types, 4s tend to be in a better state when times are hard. It's when things are too easy that we start making problems for ourselves and others (or at least this has been a readily-observable principle in my life). Again, this is a reactive type thing.
Just be careful--as a 4, I could easily look at 7s and think they're shitting all over a beautiful gift by only opening it halfway and moving onto the next thing.
That would very much anger me. That's the kind of thing someone says to me if they want me to never speak to them again.
I do much better with someone making me laugh in a way that commiserates a bit but does not indulge. This helps me take it more lightly, the way it probably should be taken. Most 7s I know are witty enough to do this, and it seems more their style if healthier anyway. When unhealthy, they do what my sister does, which is to bully someone into "happy" or they split and run, I guess.
Strongly agree. What I resent more than anything is someone telling me to "get over something". That essentially belittles my own experience and, with the way I am, will likely end with my fist in your teeth--or at least a door slamming in your face. When I'm having my "moods", the best possible thing anyone can do is let them burn out. They will, and if it disturbs you that I'm experiencing something, that says more about you than it says about me, actually.
It's far better still to offer me an incentive, like ice cream. If you can divert my attention without judging me or acting like you think I'm "wrong", then we can talk. If you attempt to
force me out of something because I displease you, you're only going to inflame the issue.