Introversion & Dominance

[BMEF]

Is it possible for an introvert that is married to an extrovert be the "dominant partner" of the relationship, as the extrovert is the "submissive partner"?

Do gender roles play part in determining the dominant partner of a relationship aka. the partner that "calls the shots"?

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this topic recently and I would really appreciate it if I can hear other people's thoughts about this topic.

Thank you in advance! =)

 

[Phantonym]

I think introversion/extraversion has nothing to do with being dominant or submissive. It's the same as with the misconception that all introverts must be shy.

Personally, I can be dominant or submissive, depending on the situation or my mood.

So, everything is possible in relationships.

I think gender roles can play a part if people let the stereotypes influence them. If you strongly identify masculinity as being strong and dominant and femininity as being weak and submissive and you're in a relationship with a person who believes the same, then that's the way things are for them. If you take a more lenient stance towards gender roles, then I don't think it even matters. Both partners can be dominant and submissive at different times and be completely fine with that.

 

[Ace_]

Intelligence plays a part.

Also feelers tend to give in more often.

Also percievers tend to let the judgers call the shots and run things.

That's why ENTJs end up as leaders.

 

[Phantonym]

Intelligence plays a part.

Haha. That's like that old saying that "the man is the head but the woman is the neck that turns the head". Giving in or letting others call the shots doesn't necessarily mean that they're being submissive. It may be more like the ends justify the means.

 

[BMEF]

I think introversion/extraversion has nothing to do with being dominant or submissive. It's the same as with the misconception that all introverts must be shy.

Personally, I can be dominant or submissive, depending on the situation or my mood.

So, everything is possible in relationships.

I think gender roles can play a part if people let the stereotypes influence them. If you strongly identify masculinity as being strong and dominant and femininity as being weak and submissive and you're in a relationship with a person who believes the same, then that's the way things are for them. If you take a more lenient stance towards gender roles, then I don't think it even matters. Both partners can be dominant and submissive at different times and be completely fine with that.

I really find your ideas interesting. That's what I used to think until I read Allan & Barbara Pease's The Definitive Book of Body Language.

Also percievers tend to let the judgers call the shots and run things.

I must say that I think that you're right about that statement. Based on my personal experience, whenever I'm with my perceiving friends, I get to call the shots.

 

[Lux]

Yes, but I don't like the "dominant/submissive" way of saying it. I think those words are only good for one situation in particular . But, to answer your question I say of course. All good relationships take turns with "dominance" as you call it. It all depends on the situation. The dominance should never stay with only one partner: introvert, extrovert, male, or female. It should switch as needed. I see a strong relationship as a mix of love, respect, and a combination of strengths and weaknesses. Some people show strength in one area of life while others show it in another. The dominance happens when one partner excels in the situation at hand.

My example would be that between my husband, (ENTJ) and myself, (INFJ) there is a perfectly choreographed dance utilizing each others strengths, and helping each other out of our murky weaknesses. His strengths are shown to the world while mine are reserved for when we are alone. Many times a situation has occurred where in front of people he is seen as dominate, but when we are alone I can talk with him and reason with him, and it changes how he saw the original situation so completely. So that would be me, as an INFJ female, being dominate. His power and strengths are shown to the outside world all the time. Mine are reserved for him in private, but often times (mostly when emotions and people are involved) he comes around to the way I see the situation. Or we can talk together and bounce ideas off of each other and come up with a different situation all together.

I would not say that he is always dominate over me or vise-versa. This is an interesting topic though .

 

[Phantonym]

I really find your ideas interesting. That's what I used to think until I read Allan & Barbara Pease's The Definitive Book of Body Language.

Ok, I haven't read the book but now you've piqued my interest. What, in particular, changed your opinion?

 

[Eric B]

I would say Keirsey's "pragmatism" is also a kind of expressiveness (like extraversion), so that might be a factor in dominance as well. I know that's where I get my tendency to try to control things from. Also, directiveness (Interaction Style factor) and structure focus (also temperament) might also figure. I believe those tie into a person's resistance to being dominated, and a person might appear to be dominating just to keep from being dominated themselves.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Oh, introvert can absolutely be the dominant partner. I think there's only a minor relation between the two. Extroversion is just very slightly appreciated over introversion, bringing some power that applies to some rare situations.

 

[BMEF]

Yes, but I don't like the "dominant/submissive" way of saying it. I think those words are only good for one situation in particular . But, to answer your question I say of course. All good relationships take turns with "dominance" as you call it. It all depends on the situation. The dominance should never stay with only one partner: introvert, extrovert, male, or female. It should switch as needed. I see a strong relationship as a mix of love, respect, and a combination of strengths and weaknesses. Some people show strength in one area of life while others show it in another. The dominance happens when one partner excels in the situation at hand.

My example would be that between my husband, (ENTJ) and myself, (INFJ) there is a perfectly choreographed dance utilizing each others strengths, and helping each other out of our murky weaknesses. His strengths are shown to the world while mine are reserved for when we are alone. Many times a situation has occurred where in front of people he is seen as dominate, but when we are alone I can talk with him and reason with him, and it changes how he saw the original situation so completely. So that would be me, as an INFJ female, being dominate. His power and strengths are shown to the outside world all the time. Mine are reserved for him in private, but often times (mostly when emotions and people are involved) he comes around to the way I see the situation. Or we can talk together and bounce ideas off of each other and come up with a different situation all together.

I would not say that he is always dominate over me or vise-versa. This is an interesting topic though .

Thank you very much for the positive feedback!

Ok, I haven't read the book but now you've piqued my interest. What, in particular, changed your opinion?

The book that I read talked a lot about gender roles and how most heterosexual men are attracted to women that show submissive gestures. Because I'm a male INFJ, I guess that I was oblivious to gender roles.. Personally, I'm now a lot more aware of gender roles and differences than a while ago.. I'm sorry if I have offended you.

 

[Heinel]

The book that I read talked a lot about gender roles and how most heterosexual men are attracted to women that show submissive gestures. Because I'm a male INFJ, I guess that I was oblivious to gender roles.. Personally, I'm now a lot more aware of gender roles and differences than a while ago.. I'm sorry if I have offended you.

I can never understand a conversation between INFJs. How... where is the offense shown?

 

[Phantonym]

The book that I read talked a lot about gender roles and how most heterosexual men are attracted to women that show submissive gestures. Because I'm a male INFJ, I guess that I was oblivious to gender roles.. Personally, I'm now a lot more aware of gender roles and differences than a while ago.. I'm sorry if I have offended you.

Oh no, rest assured, you haven't offended me. This is a very interesting topic and I'd love to read the book you mentioned to get a better understanding of the topic.

 

[BMEF]

I can never understand a conversation between INFJs. How... where is the offense shown?

It's complicated.

Oh no, rest assured, you haven't offended me. This is a very interesting topic and I'd love to read the book you mentioned to get a better understanding of the topic.

How kind of you!