[ISTP] ISTPs maintaining relationships

[Intricate Mystic]

Do you find that it's easy to start relationships but hard to keep them going long term? If so, can you envision a scenario in which you go from relationship to relationship through the years and end up never getting married?

 

[sLiPpY]

My life is kind of like the movie "Ground Hog Day."

6:00 am rolls around and there's a different person sleeping next to me, or just a pet.

Loosing interest in a relationship has been the biggest obstacle for me. My fiance died years ago, and just haven't come across someone where the trust level has let the love level go deep enough to make it through the in-between days.

How I feel about someone or something seems to either flat line, or change from day to day. But once I love someone that never changes, still waters run deep.

Yes, I can see the possibility of life just continuing to move along like that. But things have a way of changing when we least expect.

 

[mcmartinez84]

Do you find that it's easy to start relationships but hard to keep them going long term? If so, can you envision a scenario in which you go from relationship to relationship through the years and end up never getting married?

Long term is hard to think about when a relationship is either nonexistant or just starting. I have to take it day by day and then the time just adds up and I don't even notice.

I've thought about it quite a bit and I think I'm ok with not ever getting married. Sure, I'd like to share my life and experiences with someone, maybe even have kids...but if it doesn't happen, well, life goes on. I'm sure good things will come with or without a spouse.

 

[syckkz]

I never really put too much into the future.. I figured if I found somebody I would want to get married to then great! If not.. oh well.. I am perfectly fine on my own.. true I do get lonely sometimes.. but in a way I enjoy being able to control when I'm around people or not.

Before the one I'm in now.. I never been able to stay in relationships too long because I would become bored, or want my space.. or just decide I don't like them anymore.. (??)

 

[Intricate Mystic]

My life is kind of like the movie "Ground Hog Day."

6:00 am rolls around and there's a different person sleeping next to me, or just a pet.

Loosing interest in a relationship has been the biggest obstacle for me. My fiance died years ago, and just haven't come across someone where the trust level has let the love level go deep enough to make it through the in-between days.

I'm sorry that you lost your fiance, even though it was years ago.

In saying that there's a different person sleeping next to you often, are you talking about one-night stands?

I never really put too much into the future.. I figured if I found somebody I would want to get married to then great! If not.. oh well.. I am perfectly fine on my own.. true I do get lonely sometimes.. but in a way I enjoy being able to control when I'm around people or not.

Before the one I'm in now.. I never been able to stay in relationships too long because I would become bored, or want my space.. or just decide I don't like them anymore.. (??)

I admire the ability to be perfectly fine on your own that ISTPs have. I wish I could be like that. I didn't like being single because it just took too much effort to go out and be around other people. I realized that I really need the companionship of marriage. My husband is an ISTP, which works well, because I understand his need for space- I have the same need sometimes.

I posed the thread question, however, due to curiosity about an ISTP male friend. He is middle-aged, single, clearly likes women, is devoted to his artistic hobby which he makes a living from, has girlfriends here and there, but has never gotten married. He is very smart, attractive, sexy, very talented, etc., so it amazes me that out of all of those years of living he hasn't found anyone that he wants to be committed to! Maybe he's at the extreme end of the spectrum of ISTPs who value independence? Or perhaps he fell in love with someone years ago who hurt him so badly that he will never allow himself to fall in love again? Or maybe he was about to marry someone who got killed in a car crash and never got over it? Maybe he's a serial killer and his apartment is filled with pickled body parts? My imagination just runs wild, as you can see.

 

[syckkz]

LMFAO! Man.. I LOVE how INFJ's think.. morbid.. in a weird caring way tho.. (??)
My girlfriend of 4 years is INFJ too.. the only one who was able to hold onto me through all my craziness. I understand that need to be in relationships not liking to be lonely.. she is the same exact way.. but like you she is able to give me my space too which I value

Yea I think that he just hasn't found a reason to settle down.. sometimes freedom and space is more valuable to us than having relationships.

 

[Heinel]

For me, it's like on the one hand I think having a significant other will probably be beneficial for me and let me live life to the fullest, on the other hand though, all my life I have always counted on having a home I can hermit it up in. To get married would likely mean I have to give up this last sanctuary, and I don't know about other ISTPs but if there is one thing I'm fear of, it's probably this.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

LMFAO! Man.. I LOVE how INFJ's think.. morbid.. in a weird caring way tho.. (??)

My girlfriend of 4 years is INFJ too.. the only one who was able to hold onto me through all my craziness. I understand that need to be in relationships not liking to be lonely.. she is the same exact way.. but like you she is able to give me my space too which I value

Yea I think that he just hasn't found a reason to settle down.. sometimes freedom and space is more valuable to us than having relationships.

We lash ourselves to the mast and ride out the storms with you.

 

[iamathousandapples]

Not really been in one, to be honest. People start sucking way too fast for me to even make the mistake.

 

[Randomnity]

No, not really, but I haven't been dating that long, relatively speaking.

edit: I've been dating my current bf for 1.5ish years, which I guess is reasonably long for someone in their early-mid twenties.

 

[StephMC]

I would add to this, but I think pretty much everyone said what was on my mind. So yeah... agreed with all the above. I'm pretty indifferent about relationships. I've never found myself actually seeking one though, while there have been periods in my life where I -didn't- want one.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I've never forced a relationship to happen and I've never fought one from happening either.

I don't care about it really. Guess that's why I've been single for 4 years. I like to get excited about new attractions but it usually doesn't last for very long. Friends would roll their eyes at me saying that cause they think I get excited about everyone. But it's the attraction that excites me not so much the person. When I find a person that excites me things change and I don't have a problem committing.

I recently started dating an INFJ. I'm really enjoying it. I'm actually excited about him. He commanded my respect right away. He's fun. He might get me into a relationship because he said that he doesn't have physical relationships unless he's committed. How sweet is that? I totally want to corrupt him.

 

[StephMC]

How sweet is that? I totally want to corrupt him.

I busted out laughing when I read this

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

I can envision that scenario, in fact, I'm living that scenario right now. Serious relationships are for rich people and serious people. I go through the war of life using the buddy system and the "get checked often" system. Furthermore, I find it very difficult to commit to someone, especially before a relationship begins, as the relationship is beginning, the "relationship consolidation period", the end and the post-relationship relationship period.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

I can envision that scenario, in fact, I'm living that scenario right now. Serious relationships are for rich people and serious people. I go through the war of life using the buddy system and the "get checked often" system. Furthermore, I find it very difficult to commit to someone, especially before a relationship begins, as the relationship is beginning, the "relationship consolidation period", the end and the post-relationship relationship period.

I think you just solved the puzzle! My ISTP friend has a meager income. I think he's afraid of getting married because if it ended in divorce he wouldn't have the income to pay child-support, etc..

In your case, however, if you had a rich girlfriend, would that work, or would it bother you to be with someone who had more money than you?

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

I think you just solved the puzzle! My ISTP friend has a meager income. I think he's afraid of getting married because if it ended in divorce he wouldn't have the income to pay child-support, etc..

In your case, however, if you had a rich girlfriend, would that work, or would it bother you to be with someone who had more money than you?

I would love to have a rich girlfriend. I'm low maintenance, so I don't need a super rich girlfriend, just normal rich.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

I would love to have a rich girlfriend. I'm low maintenance, so I don't need a super rich girlfriend, just normal rich.

Hmm.... OK, I have a plan for you. Work toward showing your paintings/drawings/sculpture in a high-end gallery in a large metropolitan area where there are serious art collectors. Go to lots of art openings and try to meet people. You will probably find some women who are successful financially and think artists are hot.

 

[sLiPpY]

I think you just solved the puzzle! My ISTP friend has a meager income. I think he's afraid of getting married because if it ended in divorce he wouldn't have the income to pay child-support, etc..

In your case, however, if you had a rich girlfriend, would that work, or would it bother you to be with someone who had more money than you?

Romantic fantasy is the bain of modern society.

 

[Intricate Mystic]

Romantic fantasy is the bain of modern society.

Which part of what I said is romantic fantasy?

 

[mcmartinez84]

I busted out laughing when I read this

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