On the ETJ side of things, the issue stems from clarity.
As ETJ's, we have a tendency to hold everyone to the standards we hold ourselves to. This often backfires on us, especially in social situations.
We don't like being out of our element (which is serious academic or fiscal business). Unfortunately, the skills required in one's personal life often do not overlap with those skills required in one's business life.
We take our no frills conversational attitude, and apply it to social situations wherein frivolity and small talk are the norm. Nothing good comes from this because, the tools we utilize make us give off an aura of not to be messed with, takes self too seriously, cold hearted, and often times over bearing. Everyone else sees these tools used and (as someone has already said) takes the motivation they would need to employ similar tactics and applies this motivation to the ETJ.
This assumption of ill intentions couldn't be further from the truth. The ETJ does not use these tools out of malice, they use them because they are the only tools in their toolbox. Often, I've been in social situations and felt awkward, unappreciated, anxious, etc. etc. However, I manifest these feelings through Te and get unfortunate results.
As the ETJ ages, they must continuously try to expand their awareness of themselves. If they don't, they can become self absorbed, and never end up developing the skills to soften their image.
What has worked for me, is trying to truly develop powerful listening skills. My desire to help people with their problems aids in this. Listening, is the first step to empathy, and if both parties are really listening to each other, most problems nip themselves in the bud.
When speaking with an ENTJ, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don't mince words, don't hide your motivations, and don't assume they can read your mind. We don't always have the skills needed to decipher social encryption.
There is such a thing as emotional logic and boy is it beautiful and sexy as hell when it is properly deployed
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As an ETJ talking to someone else, just listen. And keep listening UNTIL THEY ARE FINISHED SPEAKING (I'm still a little bad about this but getting better). Most of our communications issues arise when we get impatient and jump to the end of the conversation to quickly, assuming many intermediate details which may or may not be true.
I don't know if this is on the right track concerning what OP was asking but I hope it helps!!!
