NFL '09

[JocktheMotie]

The only thing that can make me go from pure seething hatred to absolute jubilation in the span of seconds is New York Giants football. And German national team soccer. You know it's bad when your GF texts you "...is it still safe to come over today? Just saw the score...take some of your dad's heart medication if you feel funny."

 

[kelric]

I think the Rams pretty much have a lock on the "worst team in the league" title for the year. I'm not particularly a fan, but I live in St. Louis, so their games are on TV a lot, and it's often just painful to watch. I've actually heard people say that they should trade their best player, Steven Jackson... not because they don't like him, or he's not a good player, but because they believe that the team is *so* bad that there's no hope for him to even play on a competent Rams team before his career is over. The "pity trade"... that's the Rams.

The Minnesota/Baltimore game, on the other hand, was quite entertaining - even if it ended on a missed last-second FG after a furious Baltimore comeback. Gotta feel for that kicker.

 

[MacGuffin]

There was a pigeon on the field that literally lined up with the Raiders on a kickoff and flew down with them and landed on the outside of the containment.

It was still there until the Eagles had a third down.

 

[JocktheMotie]

There was a pigeon on the field that literally lined up with the Raiders on a kickoff and flew down with them and landed on the outside of the containment.

It was still there until the Eagles had a third down.

To be honest, the only thing that can salvage this day for me is an Eagle loss and Jet loss to the Bills. And maybe a miraculous ScarJo sexual encounter.

 

[Lateralus]

They are not.

My Chiefs are trying for their first win, just need to hang on vs. Deadskins with under 2 minutes remaining, leading 9-6.

That's right, 5 field goals...

You obviously haven't seen the Titans play. They aren't even trying anymore.

 

[Jaguar]

You obviously haven't seen the Titans play. They aren't even trying anymore.

Who are the Titans?

 

[JivinJeffJones]

If a foreigner were genuinely interested in seeing what NFL has to offer, which game would you recommend he watch?

 

[kelric]

If a foreigner were genuinely interested in seeing what NFL has to offer, which game would you recommend he watch?

Wait until January, and watch either the AFC or NFC championship (NOT the Super Bowl). These games are the semifinals of the playoffs, and usually have decent matchups and a crowd of hometown fans without the over-over-commercialization that the Super Bowl has.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

There was a pigeon on the field that literally lined up with the Raiders on a kickoff and flew down with them and landed on the outside of the containment.

It was still there until the Eagles had a third down.

I'm pretty sure the pigeon had two sacks.

Everyone else wearing black did.

 

[BlackCat]

So how does football work? Do you cheer for the team that you think will win and then become a "fan?"

 

[Udog]

So how does football work? Do you cheer for the team that you think will win and then become a "fan?"

That's how it works for most people. If you are on the East Coast, you default to the Steelers, because even when they suck you can still say, "Hey, 7 Super Bowls, 6 Super Bowl victories, bay-bee."

In reality, there is a very complex rule set that exists for determining the team that you cheer for. True football fans know what I'm talking about.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Meh, I liked the Giants because I live in the NY part of CT and I like the color blue.

Usually comes down to that.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

In reality, there is a very complex rule set that exists for determining the team that you cheer for. True football fans know what I'm talking about.

It's true. I wrote this for my blog as a service to new female fans, but it really applies to everyone coming to football for the first time. Enjoy it with tongue planted firmly in cheek, even though most of this is exactly true:


Today more than ever, women are infiltrating the previously all-male world of sports fandom. I am strongly in favor of this trend, as it increases the chances that my future wife will not hassle me to go shopping for dishes when football is on. Sports fandom however, like many avocations, requires specialized knowledge to enjoy it fully and gain the respect of your friends. Relax, ladies. I am here to help. That's why today, I am proud to present:

The Woman's Guide To Sports Fandom

Article I: Sports bigamy is prohibited.

Fandom requires loyalty and fidelity. You may only be a fan of one team in each sport, and you may not change teams on a whim. Following are the rules to follow when choosing your favorite teams:

Acceptable Reasons To Choose Your Favorite Team

* You grew up in the team's home city.
* You live in the team's home city now.
* The parent, sibling, or man who introduced you to sports is a fan of the team.
* You are a fan of a particular player on the team in question because they attended the same college as you. (Keep in mind before making a final decision that you will be stuck with this team after that player retires.)

Unacceptable Reasons To Choose Your Favorite Team

* You like the team's uniforms or colors.
* You like the animal that the team is named after (especially cats.)
* You are attracted to one or more of the players.
* The team is a consistent winner and you like being associated with winnners.

Acceptable Reasons To Switch Teams

* Your team moves to another city.
* The man who made you a fan of your team cheats on you.
* Your favorite team is the Detroit Lions.


Article II: Participation in betting pools is limited to those with legitimate sports knowledge.

This rule is in place to prevent the girl who picks winners based on what team colors she likes or what team mascot would defeat the other mascot in a fight from winning everyone's money. My female roommate once won several hundred dollars in an NCAA basketball pool by betting on the Kentucky Wildcats "because they were cats and their coach's name was Tubby". This rule should be self-explanatory.


Article III: Women may not wear sports apparel that is specifically tailored for women or which features non-team colors for the sake of fashion.

This rule is designed to stamp out the trend of pink-colored sports hats and jerseys for women, and the babydoll-cut sports jerseys which have infiltrated the sports world. If you are a fan, you can wear the same stuff we wear, and sport the same colors. Wearing pink is like wearing a sandwich board that says "I Know Nothing". Sports fandom is about dedication and loyalty, not about coordinating an outfit. Besides, you look sexier in the real thing. Trust us, the hottest thing you can wear to bed is our broken-in regulation hockey or football jersey.


Article IV: Learn the lingo.

Nothing will give you away faster as a newbie than using the wrong terms. Here are some quick tips:

* You "root" for a team, you do not "cheer" or "vote" for a team.
* You also do not "like" a team. In sports, "like" does not denote affection. It's a word people use in the context of gambling to denote which team they think will win, e.g. "I like the Giants this week against the Cowboys, so I took them plus the six points."
* You do not "make" a touchdown, a run, or a goal. You "score" one. Oddly, you DO "make" a basket. I didn't make these up, I'm just explaining them.
* Do not ask questions out loud in front of a group of sports fans. In the beginning, your questions are likely to be quite stupid and hilarious. Remember the question and then ask it of someone you can trust later on, like a boyfriend, parent or clergyman.
* When you are well-versed in the language of sports and feel comfortable with your level of knowledge, don't be afraid to flaunt it in front of your man's friends. He will be esteemed among his peers if you know your stuff, and doubly so if you can correct one of them.


Article V: Be cognizant of time and place.

Your man will be quite happy to watch the game with you as long as you understand that while the game is on, you should remain focused on it. I know that you will see this as a bonding time, and may be tempted to talk about other topics that you associate with bonding like how fat you are, what your mother thinks, and what that bitch in line at Starbucks had the nerve to say. But please take these tips to heart:

* You may bring up other topics on commercial breaks, but only if the discussion can be brought to a conclusion before the game comes back on.
* Other topics are to be avoided completely in the fourth quarter, third period, or ninth inning of a close game. If you should persist, your man may snap at you. Do not be angry. He is right to do it.
* Keep in mind that even if company is invited over or you are out at a bar, a sporting event is a sporting event first and a social engagement second. Think of it like an Oscar party - you can have a good time, but everybody shuts up when they're about to announce a winner.

 

[MacGuffin]

I will say if you are over 30 years old and you are caught out in public wearing a jersey, you should be beaten with a hockey stick.

Save it for Halloween or actually attending a game.

 

[Jaguar]

I will say if you are over 30 years old and you are caught out in public wearing a jersey, you should be beaten with a hockey stick.

Save it for Halloween or actually attending a game.

Then you better be prepared to beat 1000's of people in my city, with a hockey stick.

 

[MacGuffin]

Then you better be prepared to beat 1000's of people in my city, with a hockey stick.

Nuke it from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

 

[JocktheMotie]

The only jerseys I wear out are my soccer jerseys, because they actually look nice and they're obscure enough to actually be considered somewhat fashionable. I think.

The worst is when you get those people who have their own names on the team jersey. Should be grounds for instant beat down.

 

[Jaguar]

The worst is when you get those people who have their own names on the team jersey. Should be grounds for instant beat down.

That's pushing it. Who the hell would want their name on a jersey?
Sounds like a stalker.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

The worst is when you get those people who have their own names on the team jersey. Should be grounds for instant beat down.

Unless you are wearing the "Griswold" Chicago Blackhawks jersey.

 

[The Third Rider]

There was a pigeon on the field that literally lined up with the Raiders on a kickoff and flew down with them and landed on the outside of the containment.

It was still there until the Eagles had a third down.

That pigeon is pure WIN.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2msmYpNXic"]Raiders new Linebacker[/YOUTUBE]


I heard Al Davis plans to sign him to a 5 year 55 million dollar contract with 23 million guranteed. He was quoted as saying that "that pigeon can really fly out there."

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxWuSzwTE94"]The have a close look at his talent as well[/YOUTUBE]

Having said that, my team was on a real nail bitter this week. 59-0.