Typing children

[alcea rosea]

I'm interested in typing my own children even if they are too young to be typed correctly.

I will not force a MBTI type on my children until they grow up and show definite signs of some type. But before that I would be interested about hearing the experiences of other people typing their children.

Some questions then:
- Which functions did you recognize first in your childred when they grew up?
- How did you recognize whether your child is I or E?
- P or J?
- N or S?
- F or T?
- Did the typing help you to understand your child?
- How old were your children when you were able to type some functions of MBTI in them?
- How old were they when you knew their type?
- What MBTI types do you have in your family?

 

[substitute]

My eldest daughter:

She was always E from the start. Never shuts up and needs to be around people all the time. As she got to about age 9, she started wanting music on all the time, or a TV even if just in the background. She won't go to sleep without her radio on. She gets extremely excited the minute any people are around, and goes into maximum show-off mode no matter whether it's friends or strangers. There was never any case for her possibly being an I. She's a far stronger E than I am; I score about 50 to 60% on it, but I think she'd be close to 100%.

The P/J thing is sometimes harder to decide. On the one hand she definitely has the 'silly switch' of the ENFP, but by the same token she's pretty controlling (in a 'meaning to be helpful', benevolent way), and about 80% of her conversation revolves around outrage/indignation/gushing over the behaviour of other people; she's mistress of the guilt trip and generally, a really open book - Fe seems to be her dominant function, but I see a lot of Ne in her too - random subject changes and instant grasping of intuitive/abstract stuff. Ne and Ni can be hard to tell apart though sometimes, and a lot of her silliness can be easily put down to her age. She's pretty disorganized and not really diligent at all regarding school, but if something's important to her or someone she cares about, she gets very anal and 'desperate' to have it all decided and organized. But she has a brain like a seive. I still lean more towards ENFJ though. Her biggest flaw is her bossiness, and I've never really known ENFP's to be bossy or as interfering as her.

N was obvious from the start, she was always an abstract kind of person, always asking questions about what's behind things, what things mean, how things are connected to other things, making connections herself, and pretty airheaded when it comes to physical realities.

F was also obvious, always. Very, very people oriented and also very emotional. Approaches everything from her emotions and always has done, very reactive, and attaches to people quickly and generally a very 'warm' person.

Typing has helped me understand her and deal with her more sympathetically. Without it, I'd have been inclined to tell her to get a grip, pull herself together etc more, and would've been pretty dismissive of her feelings, without realizing how important they are to her. It's also given me a clue as to what to be on the lookout for, what might need curbing and what needs encouraging.

By the time she was 10 it was obvious that Fe was big in her. It's about then that I began to lean more towards ENFJ than ENFP.

Myself being ENTP, my parents ISTP and ESFJ, sisters ENFJ, ESFJ and ESFP and brother ENFP. My other daughter is harder to type because of Asperger's, but I suspect INTP.

 

[alicia91]

I bought the book Nurture by Nature which is all about typing children. While I found it helpful, I'm still not sure of my own kids. They display qualities which I think are important but don't show up in the lists provided. I guess as I learn more about MBTI I will have more insight.

I also believe that it can be hard to type kids because so much of what they do is due to the influence of adults - they live by our rules, they must do what the teacher says, and so on. I think as they get older and get more independant it becomes easier to see their type. On the other hand, I was surprised to find out that my daughter is the leader of her social group at high school but at home she tends to grunt and give one-word answers and spend most of her time in her room!

 

[Littlelostnf]

There is actually a test for your to take based on your knowledge of your children. It's pretty good. I'll have to find it for you and post it later as I'm on my way out the door. I have no children but I do have nieces and nephews and it is in watching them and watching how they react to people that I can sorta figure out what they could be. 8 nieces and nephews 4 older ones 22-ISFP 20-ESFJ twins 18 ESFJ and ESFP younger set 7-ISFJ other 7 year old IXTX 4-IXTX and 2 - EXXX. As you can see the younger one (sans one) are harder to type usually the I/E is pretty clear sometimes you can even quickly see the T/F it's the N and S that is harder. I'll def search out that link and post it for you later on.


Here's the link I hope it helps.
The Personality Questionnaire for Kids

 

[INTJMom]

I'm interested in typing my own children even if they are too young to be typed correctly. Still I have recognized some functions in the eldest ones and it seems that one ENFP (me) and one ISTP (my husband) have produced one ExxP, one IxxJ and one xxxx child.

I will not force a MBTI type on my children until they grow up and show definite signs of some type. But before that I would be interested about hearing the experiences of other people typing their children.

Some questions then:
- Which functions did you recognize first in your childred when they grew up?
- How did you recognize whether your child is I or E?
- P or J?
- N or S?
- F or T?
- Did the typing help you to understand your child?
- How old were your children when you were able to type some functions of MBTI in them?
- How old were they when you knew their type?
- What MBTI types do you have in your family?

In Keirsey & Bates's book - Please Understand Me, they devote a whole section on how to type children.
Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types by David Keirsey, Marilyn Bates

Also, Nurture By Nature (which I highly recommend) by Tieger and Barron is all about understanding your children's type and nurturing them accordingly.
Nurture By Nature

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I remember a place saying that if a child was attentive to what a toy was "supposed" to be, then they were an S.

A truck is a truck. A very specific model of truck at that.

If a child made a toy whatever they wanted it to be, then that kid was an N.

A truck is a killer robot. A wash-cloth is a sea monster. The actual details are irrelavent.

 

[alcea rosea]

In Keirsey & Bates's book - Please Understand Me, they devote a whole section on how to type children.
Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types by David Keirsey, Marilyn Bates

Also, Nurture By Nature (which I highly recommend) by Tieger and Barron is all about understanding your children's type and nurturing them accordingly.
Nurture By Nature

Actually I have both of those books and have read both of them. I find that they are not helping much, at least me.

 

[Ivy]

I remember a place saying that if a child was attentive to what a toy was "supposed" to be, then they were an S.

A truck is a truck. A very specific model of truck at that.

If a child made a toy whatever they wanted it to be, then that kid was an N.

A truck is a killer robot. A wash-cloth is a sea monster. The actual details are irrelavent.

That's pretty cool. My son is always bringing me "blankie pizza" with his blankie draped over his hand. Actually anything can become pizza. He likes pizza.

 

[cafe]

With my kids, my impressions of their types is based on the way their behaviors, attitudes, etc remind me of people whose types I'm pretty certain about.

Oldest daughter (14) has reminded me of my mother-in-law from a very early age and I would bet money that my m-i-l is an INTJ. My daughter could be an ISTJ, INTP, or even an INFJ, but I really think she is an INTJ.

My younger daughter (12) reminds me of a quieter, more ethical version of my ESFP mother. It's like she's a cross between the two of us. I think of her as an INFP, but she could be an ISFP or an ENFP.

My youngest son (9) reminds me a lot of my INTP husband. He is always wanting information and really likes to tweak things. He could be an ISTP or an INTJ, but I lean towards his being an INTP.

My older son (11) is the one who has me stumped. He's more of a cross between my ESXJ brother and my ISTP brother. I'm wondering if he isn't an ESTJ, but the only thing I'm reasonably convinced of is that he's either an SJ or an NT.

 

[INTJMom]

Actually I have both of those books and have read both of them. I find that they are not helping much, at least me.

Ah. Too bad. At least "not knowing" won't drive an ENFP as crazy as it drives an INTJ!
I had to just patiently wait, and learn more about type.

Did you take a look at that online test somebody posted?
It looked like it might be helpful.

 

[alcea rosea]

Ah. Too bad. At least "not knowing" won't drive an ENFP as crazy as it drives an INTJ!
I had to just patiently wait, and learn more about type.

Did you take a look at that online test somebody posted?
It looked like it might be helpful.

I have done some online tests before and they helped me a little bit. On the other hand, I'm not in a hurry with these things because my children are still quite small. So ExxP, IxxJ and xxxx are enough for me now. So I am ok with not knowing, I guess.

One funny thing - I'm already in trouble wit my IxxJ child's judging! My P resists all that finishing things and taking things to their places!

 

[INTJMom]

I have done some online tests before and they helped me a little bit. On the other hand, I'm not in a hurry with these things because my children are still quite small. So ExxP, IxxJ and xxxx are enough for me now. So I am ok with not knowing, I guess.

One funny thing - I'm already in trouble wit my IxxJ child's judging! My P resists all that finishing things and taking things to their places!

Oh No!
Well, thank goodness for our kids. They really help us become better.

 

[quietgirl]

I read somewhere that there's a theory that your dominant function develops in early life, then your auxillary in the teenage years, and then so on & so forth. I'm not highly knowledgable in it, but I do see it reflects my development. For example, I was a very Ni kind of kid. Highly imaginative, wrote a LOT using basic symbols (my mom saved some of the stories. I swear I was more imaginative then than I am now), etc. In my teenage years, I was definitely using Fe very strongly - I had a very hard time not feeling the feelings of everyone else.

I notice my 6 year old nephew seems to be using Ne often. He writes me patterns on paper & has me fill in the next step in the pattern (I was pretty shocked when he did this! It seems advanced for his age). He seems to see things not really for what they are, but likes to mess around with them & change them. He's not very tactile and highly imaginative. He likes to dress in costumes & what he's wearing is supposed to be who he is that day. Last time I hung out with him, he had on Spiderman pajamas and I had to call him Spiderman all day because that's who he believed he was that day. I'm betting he's going to turn out to be ENTP or ENFP, though I'm leaning towards ENFP because he's a really sensitive kid.

 

[INTJMom]

I read somewhere that there's a theory that your dominant function develops in early life, then your auxillary in the teenage years, and then so on & so forth. I'm not highly knowledgable in it, but I do see it reflects my development. For example, I was a very Ni kind of kid. Highly imaginative, wrote a LOT using basic symbols (my mom saved some of the stories. I swear I was more imaginative then than I am now), etc. In my teenage years, I was definitely using Fe very strongly - I had a very hard time not feeling the feelings of everyone else.

I notice my 6 year old nephew seems to be using Ne often. He writes me patterns on paper & has me fill in the next step in the pattern (I was pretty shocked when he did this! It seems advanced for his age). He seems to see things not really for what they are, but likes to mess around with them & change them. He's not very tactile and highly imaginative. He likes to dress in costumes & what he's wearing is supposed to be who he is that day. Last time I hung out with him, he had on Spiderman pajamas and I had to call him Spiderman all day because that's who he believed he was that day. I'm betting he's going to turn out to be ENTP or ENFP, though I'm leaning towards ENFP because he's a really sensitive kid.

You're right.
From age 6 -12 our dominant function develops
From age 12 - 25 our auxiliary function develops
From age 25 - 50 our tertiary function develops
After age 50 our inferior develops

For an INTJ, the development is this way:
1 - iNtuition
2 - Thinking
3 - Feeling
4 - Sensing

 

[alcea rosea]

Functions developing in children

If children’s primary function develops when they are less than 10 years then the primary function would be visible in them when identifying types.

Let's say that my daughter (under 10 years) is definitely ExxP. This would mean that her primary function would be perceiving, so N or S. Then her possible types would be ENFP, ENTP, ESTP and ESFJ. No surprise there.

But what would you say about case of less than 10 year old child of IxxJ? So, I would think that his primary (introverted) function is J so he could be ISTP, ISFP, INTP or INFP

EXCEPT
if the J is only towards outer world when his possible types would be the rest of I-types: ISTJ, ISFJ, INFJ or INTJ.

Any thoughts?

 

[quietgirl]

That's interesting and I'm going to have to think about it some.

I'm willing to bet that as a child, I'd have been difficult to type until my teenage years when I was Fe-ing all over the place.

If I'm undersanding correctly (and I may not be!), are you trying to figure out how to recognize an introverted function?

 

[cascadeco]

You're right.
From age 6 -12 our dominant function develops
From age 12 - 25 our auxiliary function develops
From age 25 - 50 our tertiary function develops
After age 50 our inferior develops

If the theory is right (and I'm not certain it is - I don't think it's nearly so black and white), then for myself the order would be:

Ni
Fe
Ti
Se

My dominant trait from age 6-12 (well, even to this day!!) was that I was quiet. I don't know that there's any way an outside observer could have pinpointed I was Ni though. Many of my hobbies weren't exclusive to Ni-dominant kids. All you could have pinpointed would have been my introversion. Well, I suppose the J too. So, IxxJ.

Fe? I'm not sure when that developed. I've posted many places that I was a loner, so it's not like I perceived myself as being a feeling type, or really had any outlets where my Fe-ness would shine through. I didn't have many friends at all, mostly due to my quietness and really low self esteem, and just feeling like I was on a different wavelength from everyone else. So there was VERY little extroverted anything as a teenager, just because I was so withdrawn. But as a kid and teenager I was always nice to people(saying 'hi' to people in hallways even though I knew we weren't friends, but I wanted to be their friend) and wanting to please others and be accepted by others, so in that sense I suppose I was exercising Fe. And it *never* occurred to me to stand my ground and be a more defiant child -- it never crossed my mind that I could just refuse to do things, scream at my parents, lock myself in my room, etc. I'd always ultimately want to please my parents, and didn't want anyone's disapproval. I rarely talked back, and wasn't inquisitive in the sense of questioning everything about life -- I might have questioned internally, but I didn't engage my parents with my questions very often. I was pretty much a child that didn't cause my parents any problems, and was a good girl and I suppose an overachiever. (although they may have worried about this and my quietness, for all I know)

Ti? I don't know, I think I had that as a teenager too, because of schoolwork and testing. And I might have latched onto Ti earlier simply because I was a loner and didn't know how to socialize. Incidentally, since I was good at intellectual stuff, I viewed myself as more of a thinker. I was always good at understanding concepts, and classwork was usually effortless for me. Then in my early to mid 20's I became rather consumed with a Ti perspective (this is when I'd always test out as INTJ).

Se pulled me out of the Ti perspective, and it now trumps Ti. Ti tires me, and I don't value it as much anymore. It's not that I can't be incredibly analytical and stick to the logic and cold hard data, because I can, and I have in the past, I just don't place a whole lot of importance on a strictly Ti approach these days. But Se...perhaps I've had an element of it too for a long time, because of my love of being out in nature and just looking at the world around me. Se is probably also the 'rush' I feel when I'm traveling. And both of those things are incredibly important to me and I'm moving much more towards seeking experiences in my life. So I guess I hit my inferior trait 25 years early.

Oh, and I'm sorry Alcearos, I totally derailed your thread. I didn't answer any of your questions, I was only commenting off of INTJMom's post.....But I was an IxxJ child....

 

[quietgirl]

Ti? I don't know, I think I had that as a teenager too, because of schoolwork and testing. And I might have latched onto Ti earlier simply because I was a loner and didn't know how to socialize. Incidentally, since I was good at intellectual stuff, I viewed myself as more of a thinker. I was always good at understanding concepts, and classwork was usually effortless for me. Then in my early to mid 20's I became rather consumed with a Ti perspective (this is when I'd always test out as INTJ).

Se pulled me out of the Ti perspective, and it now trumps Ti. Ti tires me, and I don't value it as much anymore. It's not that I can't be incredibly analytical and stick to the logic and cold hard data, because I can, and I have in the past, I just don't place a whole lot of importance on a strictly Ti approach these days. But Se...perhaps I've had an element of it too for a long time, because of my love of being out in nature and just looking at the world around me. Se is probably also the 'rush' I feel when I'm traveling. And both of those things are incredibly important to me and I'm moving much more towards seeking experiences in my life. So I guess I hit my inferior trait 25 years early.

Do you feel you struggle between your Ti and Fe a bit? If my Ti is peeking out, I feel it hates my Fe and what it stands for. During college, I think it's safe to say I relied on Ti a bit in my studies and that was the time when I would occasionally test INTP. There were points that I hated anything "F-like" because I viewed it as weak, irrational, and unstable. Sometimes I feel like a walking contridiction.

I also get the Se "rush" when traveling. I want to see EVERYTHING. I tend to take trips as much as I can afford them just to seek out new places and adventures. Though, my Ni sense of accomplishment tends to drive my urges a bit too.

 

[INFPWoman]

Me and my kids

For me, I started out as a quiet moody child that was religious and shy. I was clingy to my mom. I was prone to crying and sulking in the corner. My kindergarten report card says I don’t play with others.

My brother sometimes called me an airhead, but I think it’s been discussed that INFP's are not your typical airhead even if very strong T's might want to make them out to be that way. I have several very strong T's in my immediate family. Well, he thought it was stupid that I believed in God and thought I was weak for basically being an obedient child.

I only had a few close friends at a time. I was made a school safety (like a kid cop on the playground) but definitely was not a natural leader. When put in front of the whole class indoors, since recess was inside due to rain, everyone wished for a more outgoing and bubbly person to oversee them. I've been called boring more than once.

As a teen I felt so rejected on the whole that I kind of flipped inside out and developed a shadow personality, which is what people that didn't know me well would see. I became a performer and to do it I drank alcohol to get rid of inhibitions. I was very ESFP, going to parties, trying to be the center of attention, having fun was a big quest for me. I was unhealthy. Eventually that had to end and my real self started to come back, thank heavens!!!

Even when I was acting as an ESFP to outsiders I think people that knew me well realized that it took a toll on me and that I was actually a quieter person that preferred one-on-one conversations and doing things like hiking, art, reading. My intuition took a while to develop. I was a more sensate person when I was younger.

The environment really does affect how you appear. For instance my brother that thought I was stupid for being religious and obedient might have thought I was an S J (he probably would have thought I was an ISFJ) as a child because of it. I had different grandparents than he did who were strict conservative Christians. We were extremely poor and my grandparents would take me over their house on weekends and feed me well. For survival’s sake I had to be a well-behaved Christian!!! What he didn’t understand was that although I insisted that God could move mountains, I didn’t insist that he believe so or say he was going to hell because he didn’t; and I did question the status quo but usually to very few people and in private. I even took a liking to Buddhism for a while as a kid after attending an Eastern religions class with my mom.

Sorry I am rambling. This type stuff is new to me and I love it, but I am not even well versed in it yet so there is a lot of feeling around for things in the dark.

 

[INFPWoman]

My kids

Now for my kids... My first-born was an obvious E from early on. He has always loved going out to the park and playing with the other kids. He could never get enough of it. He’d play with kids all day and cry because he had to go home. He is very intelligent in terms of remembering stories, characters, and facts (when he wants to), but academically not so great. He also understood plots, character development, and symbolism from a surprisingly young age (as in 3 or 4 years old!). At 2.5 he could sit through entire movies such as The Hobbit and by 3 or 4 could go into deep discussions about plot development, symbols, and characters, but if something bores him (like school work) he’s all over the place. So he has this special sort of intelligence but he also has very high highs and low lows to his mood. Even as a baby he screamed his lungs out every couple of hours. He actually seems to be evening out a bit (he’s 7), which is good because he can be really intense emotionally. I guess this kind of intelligence he has might reflect an NP. So, he might be an ENFP. He can be quite annoying at times because of his constant need for attention (I feel so guilty just for saying that!), but oh so endearing other times with his generous love of people.

My younger child (he’s 4) has always been an introvert. He was a quiet baby. His Grandmom (who is an INTJ) jokingly would call him the blob, which I quietly took offense to after being treated as a second-class citizen as a child for not having a strong T. He adapts to his surroundings but in a very quiet way. He was shy from early on. When in social situations he would keep to himself for at least a half an hour and watch before joining in with others. He doesn’t like to be looked at either. He frequently says, “Don’t look at me.” OK, so for his shyness yet adaptability I would guess he’s an IN. I haven’t determined if he is an F or T. When he was born I thought he looked just like my uncle, who is an INTP engineer, but he can spend all day, day after day, just coloring and drawing (fantasy, flowers, monsters, but some robots too), which is more of an artist F trait. He does spend quite a bit of time taking apart and putting together toy robots. He likes to line up his toys and compose them in scenes, which he can do for hours. He might be borderline F/T. He shows great frustration if he can’t manage a technical thing such as properly putting together a robot. He seems uncannily like me, very head-in-the-clouds. I’d guess he’s an INFP.