[ISTJ] How does one successfully seduce an ISTJ male?

[ReadingRainbows]

I have recently found myself entertaining the affections of one ISTJ male. He is extremely busy with working, yet still find time to come and flirt with me. I want to kick things up a notch and successfully seduce and keep his interest. How should I go about this task?

 

[d@v3]

Crouching Dragon/Hidden Tiger style.

-Be blunt (But soft spoken/shy )
-Be friendly

Perhaps you should say to him "we should go to a movie some time"... you know... suggesting it, but not asking him on a date.

 

[AutumnReverie]

I agree with dave:

1. Be blunt - ISTJs can sometimes be dense when it comes to people being romantically interested in them. So being blunt is best so that he gets the message that want to "kick things up a notch". But, like dave said, be soft spoken as well. Don't be too forward/forceful.

2. Be friendly - Yes, it's important to keep conversing with him (flirting with him) like you've been doing. I can't speak for male ISTJs since I'm a female but personally whether or not a person can actually hold good conversations with me, is something that keeps my interest.

3. Make the first move (i.e. suggest going out sometime over the weekend) - ISTJs can sometimes be shy or, maybe more accurately, ISTJs can be scared to take a risk. So if he's even a little bit in doubt of whether or not you like him (even if you think you're being obvious, an ISTJ may not pick up on it all the way) he may be cautious about asking you out. So if you want to progress things faster, then you should go ahead and take the initiative and suggest something. If he likes you too then he'll be relieved and he'll appreciate the reassurance that you actually want to spend more time with him.

Perhaps you should say to him "we should go to a movie some time"... you know... suggesting it, but not asking him on a date.

I think this would be best.

Also for the date:
4. If/When you two make concrete plans to get together (i.e. 11:45pm at this spot), try to be on-time and follow through with it. Also try not to make last minute changes to the plan like "oh hey, i'm doing blah blah right now can we just go to a later show?" or "i'm hanging with a big group of friends (read: people you don't know), do you want to just come over and then we can do what we planned next weekend?", etc. ISTJs are relatively emotional stable (IMO) but sometimes if we are really looking forward to something that we planned ahead of time, we can get really angry/put-off if someone else purposely ignores or changes those plans. Or putting an ISTJ in an unexpected situation in order to get him to "loosen-up" might actually make him feel uncomfortable.

So if you want to make a good initial impression, you should be on-time and follow through with the plan If you want to be "spontaneous" then you could always plan for that. Say something like "okay, let's go to the movies at 7pm then afterwards grab a bite to eat, then walk around the city and see where the night takes us(unplanned)", or something like that.

This thread might also be of use to you: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/15372-how-not-pursue-istj-5.html
Key excerpts:
- Don't swear a lot: Yeah, just...don't or try not to.
- Don't be too friendly or always upbeat: This can sometimes scare ISTJs away.
- Don't be really drunk and neanderthalesque: I'm not sure if this a universal ISTJ turn-off though...two other ISTJs mentioned/agreed with this before and I also agree.

Although, I'm not a male ISTJ...so all of this could be completely off-base Oh well, I hope this still helps you!

 

[Ulaes]

let them slime all over you
although i dont see why you would

 

[Cimarron]

In case you haven't read them yet, these are the most comprehensive and informative threads on this topic:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/9428-understanding-male-istj-minds.html

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/9930-connecting-bonding-istjs.html

Yeah, these are long threads, and they're a lot to sift through.

 

[AutumnReverie]

Here's another link that might help:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/2722-what-sj-s-look-potential-mate.html
- there are some good male ISTJ responses in the thread

Edited to Add:
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/10522-how-make-istj-swoon-4.html
- there was actually not a lot of actual ISTJ input in this thread. there were only two ISTJs who addressed the topic:

Don't be late.
Don't be loud.
Have zero flakiness.

Plenty of praise is good too, but only if it's genuine and deserved. NEVER be phony.

 

[AutumnReverie]

In regards to being angry at changes of plans, it's not plans persay, but things we have resolved ourself to. Example, My mom was expecting her ninth child. Just this past week my mom miscarried. It's not that I was looking forward to the child persay, I don't typically get excited about much, but it's that I had resolved myself to it. Now, I'm kinda disappointed and sad. It's just that we don't like things that have been resolved and finalized within our own minds to change. A date may or may not be in that category based on the ISTJ and the circumstances.

I agree. I wasn't exactly sure exactly how to say it, but you hit in on the nail. If ISTJs got angry every time plans changed then we'd be angry all the time because life can be very unpredictable. But usually the only time I truly get upset is when, like you said, I have resolved and finalized that plan in my mind (and I'm actually really looking forward to it). This used to happen a lot to me as a child, so I taught myself not to get too excited about a plan often...so I wouldn't be too upset if the plan got changed. So, like you said, getting really upset about a change in plans doesn't occur often...but it can occur sometimes depending on the specific situation.

So if the guy really likes you and gets possibly very excited about your plans, then there definitely is a risk that he could be very disappointed if you make any last minute huge changes to the plan.

As far as lateness, I agree with Eagle. Obviously, no one is going to hate you for being 5 minutes late. But just try to avoid being 30 minutes late or something, unless you have a good reason for being late.

Possibly you might even be able to get the ISTJ to ask you out. Though, even if he has hopes that the relationship might go somewhere he won't let himself think of the outing as anything more than a get together with a friend.

Yes. I'm the same way! If I like you enough then I'll suck it up and invite you to do something with me over the weekend. However, I'll tell myself that it's just "hanging out with a friend" unless you do/say something concrete that makes me believe otherwise.

It's not that we are dense persay when it come to feelings of romantic attraction. It's just that it is confirmed. We are unsure, it's not entirly set, other possibilities etc. The T gets in our way a bit.

That's a good point. Other types always referred to us as "dense" in that particular area, but you're right. Whenever someone has romantic feelings or attraction towards me, I'm not completely oblivious...I'm just unsure exactly what those feelings are. I suppose I'm supposed to know based on my "gut feeling", but I need something more concrete. When I'm trying to figure out if someone likes me, I examine the facts: "he does -this- on a consistent basis with me, but doesn't seem to do that with anyone else", "he casually but tentatively touches my arm during conversations, that could possibly mean...", " he has said -this- and -that- which could possibly be interpreted as...", etc. But even still that is all just speculation, which is why I remain unsure.

So, to the Original Poster (Rainbows): being blunt/forward will definitely work to your advantage here. If the ISTJ guy is unsure, then it'll make him more confident if he knows exactly what your feeling for him (or knows for sure that your attracted to him).

 

[Eagle]

I agree with dave:

1. Be blunt - ISTJs can sometimes be dense when it comes to people being romantically interested in them. So being blunt is best so that he gets the message that want to "kick things up a notch". But, like dave said, be soft spoken as well. Don't be too forward/forceful.

Yes, be blunt, but don't scare him. Forward is a better term. Yes, be forward. In regards to ISTJs being dense in regards to feelings of romantic attraction, I think it is more so that we pick up on it, it's unconfirmed, we aren't sure, we hate to be wrong, our T gets in the way a bit, and were are inhibited by our introvertedness.

2. Be friendly - Yes, it's important to keep conversing with him (flirting with him) like you've been doing. I can't speak for male ISTJs since I'm a female but personally whether or not a person can actually hold good conversations with me, is something that keeps my interest.

Good.

3. Make the first move (i.e. suggest going out sometime over the weekend) - ISTJs can sometimes be shy or, maybe more accurately, ISTJs can be scared to take a risk. So if he's even a little bit in doubt of whether or not you like him (even if you think you're being obvious, an ISTJ may not pick up on it all the way) he may be cautious about asking you out. So if you want to progress things faster, then you should go ahead and take the initiative and suggest something. If he likes you too then he'll be relieved and he'll appreciate the reassurance that you actually want to spend more time with him.

I think this would be best.

Posssibly if not probably. You could even get him to make the first move the question is whether or not he'll see it as a "move." Odds are he would just want to spend time with a friend while maintaining that slight possibility that something might happen between the two of you later on. ISTJs can be rather patient.

Also for the date:
4. If/When you two make concrete plans to get together (i.e. 11:45pm at this spot), try to be on-time and follow through with it. Also try not to make last minute changes to the plan like "oh hey, i'm doing blah blah right now can we just go to a later show?" or "i'm hanging with a big group of friends (read: people you don't know), do you want to just come over and then we can do what we planned next weekend?", etc. ISTJs are relatively emotional stable (IMO) but sometimes if we are really looking forward to something that we planned ahead of time, we can get really angry/put-off if someone else purposely ignores or changes those plans. Or putting an ISTJ in an unexpected situation in order to get him to "loosen-up" might actually make him feel uncomfortable.

So if you want to make a good initial impression, you should be on-time and follow through with the plan If you want to be "spontaneous" then you could always plan for that. Say something like "okay, let's go to the movies at 7pm then afterwards grab a bite to eat, then walk around the city and see where the night takes us(unplanned)", or something like that.

In regards to being on time, if he's balanced a few minutes late or not doesn't hurt you but push it past five and it might.
I don't think it's just things that we are looking forward to. I think it's anything that has become finalized in our minds. An example. My mom was recently pregnant with her ninth child. I had resolved myself to another sibling and hence became attached to that fact that there was going to be another one. My mom just this past week miscarried. Now I'm disappointed and sad.
It's anything that we have resolved ourselves to doing. Now, sometimes the ISTJ might just be going with the flow. That's always fun.
Inregards to spontinaiety, we love it. A bunch of us find it attractive if it's in good taste. Keeps us on our toes, brightens up are day, is slightly outside the routine, and sometimes is refreshing in a draining sort of way. It's good if it's planned spontinaiety.
Planned randomness is always fun, but your date or friend taking you by surprise is fun as well.

This thread might also be of use to you: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/15372-how-not-pursue-istj-5.html
Key excerpts:
- Don't swear a lot: Yeah, just...don't or try not to.
- Don't be too friendly or always upbeat: This can sometimes scare ISTJs away.
- Don't be really drunk and neanderthalesque: I'm not sure if this a universal ISTJ turn-off though...two other ISTJs mentioned/agreed with this before and I also agree.

DON'T SWEAR. ISTJs are known for traditional values. In regards to the drunkeness, everything in moderation and good taste.
Finally, friendliness and upbeat are good things hence why ISTJs like to chase after ESFPs. However, eventually/sometimes things need to be toned down and get serious/thoughtful. It gives us time to recharge and connect. Hence why ISTJs also like going after ISFJs and ENFPs.

Although, I'm not a male ISTJ...so all of this could be completely off-base Oh well, I hope this still helps you!

I hope my comments help and add to what AutumnReverie was trying to say.
and the fact that you are going for an ISTJ is in a way intruiging and thought provoking.

 

[Eagle]

Haha, if you could please switch the post order around so people don't get confused I would be grateful. I liked the second one that I posted more. It was actually my first but my internet window exited and I couldn't get it to come back. I succeded after the fact. Maybe instead of deleting the one post I could have edited it but that's just to easy isn't it
To bad it just occured to me now Autumn

 

[AutumnReverie]

Haha that's okay! I was wondering why my post was suddenly above yours.

To Rainbows: You mentioned that you two flirt with each other, and I'd just like to ask for some details. What do you do to "flirt"? What does he do that you interpret as "flirting"?

It might give us a better idea of where exactly you two are, and what his current frame-of-mind might be.

 

[Eagle]

Haha that's okay! I was wondering why my post was suddenly above yours.

To Rainbows: You mentioned that you two flirt with each other, and I'd just like to ask for some details. What do you do to "flirt"? What does he do that you interpret as "flirting"?

It might give us a better idea of where exactly you two are, and what his current frame-of-mind might be.

Oh indeed. Flirting... It Nice.

 

[d@v3]

Oh indeed. Flirting... It Nice.

Don't be fooled by Eagles facade. While he is indeed correct flirting is nice, we tend to be oblivious to it. (So be OBVIOUS) We also suck at flirting with others... that is, until we get comfortable around them.

Whoever said we are patient... is correct. We can wait for a LONG time before making any "moves" or doing anything of the sort. It is best if you let us know when it is "okay" to make moves and let us know what moves to make.

 

[Cimarron]

Don't be fooled by Eagles facade. While he is indeed correct flirting is nice, we tend to be oblivious to it. (So be OBVIOUS)

I don't think I'm oblivious, it's just that it gets folded into this:

I'm not completely oblivious...I'm just unsure exactly what those feelings are. I suppose I'm supposed to know based on my "gut feeling", but I need something more concrete. When I'm trying to figure out if someone likes me, I examine the facts: "he does -this- on a consistent basis with me, but doesn't seem to do that with anyone else", "he casually but tentatively touches my arm during conversations, that could possibly mean...", " he has said -this- and -that- which could possibly be interpreted as...", etc.

with which I agree, and think that was a good example.

 

[d@v3]

I guess what I meant is, we don't really know how to respond to it properly. At least, I don't...

 

[ReadingRainbows]

I hope my comments help and add to what AutumnReverie was trying to say.
and the fact that you are going for an ISTJ is in a way intruiging and thought provoking.

I don't get it, why it is it intriguing and thought provoking?

 

[d@v3]

I don't get it, why it is it intriguing and thought provoking?

Because your an INFJ.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Because your an INFJ.

????

 

[d@v3]

Usually the ISTJ's are searching out the NF's, not the other way around.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

Usually the ISTJ's are searching out the NF's, not the other way around.

So I am like a dream come true?

 

[d@v3]

So I am like a dream come true?

I have no idea, are you? Actually, I have never thought that far ahead, so I have no idea.