"Fear of revealing too much" - Analyzing the feeling

[Snow Turtle]

Hm. Not sure if others have experienced this feeling before. Even if it's part of the introverts nature to keep things to himself.

Right I'm scared of giving too much information away about myself. You could say it's the fear of rejection, except it's not because I'm scared others will reject me for the content. Rather it's the belief that if I tell others everything, I'll reach a certain point where I have nothing left to add. Is this a false belief?

People often feel closer to you if you reveal something important/secret or open up to them. Yet if you are fully exposed, what exactly happens then?

 

[nolla]

I know the feeling.

Rather it's the belief that if I tell others everything, I'll reach a certain point where I have nothing left to add. Is this a false belief?

It is false, in a way. There is always something more, because you find out things about yourself.

People often feel closer to you if you reveal something important/secret or open up to them. Yet if you are fully exposed, what exactly happens then?

The thing is... even if people do get closer by sharing, it can get to a point that all you talk about is something "deep" and when there isn't any more truly truly deep stuff, everything feels a bit empty. So, the danger is that you fool yourself to believe that talking about your soul or stuff like that is the only thing that matters. It isn't more valuable subject than what you had for dinner. Sometimes I feel like people who talk deep are just trying to take a shortcut. It can backfire, I tell you...

 

[Kasper]

Yuppers, know this one.

I don't like feeling vulnerable or showing negative emotions and revealing too much can make both of those things happen.

Guess it's a fear of not being in control of myself. That said it often takes me letting go of some of that control for others to get close to me.

People often feel closer to you if you reveal something important/secret or open up to them. Yet if you are fully exposed, what exactly happens then?

I don't think it matters, if you have a strong connection with someone you can talk about the weather and be happy, not every conversation need to have deep substance. In fact I think these are the best and strongest relationships as long as it’s two way.

 

[Wild horses]

See now I have this off to a fine art - I let people think that I am an open book but really I am far from it. DOn't know why I am secretive, always have been from a child.. Is it to do with type, I'm not sure as some of the other ENFPs I have met seem pretty open and honest but then again they could be playing the game too!

I think with me it's just the way that I am.

 

[garbage]

It could be a trust issue. You may have no reason to believe that the person you tell will stick by you if you share something with them or, worse, that they won't use it against you in some way. It may or may not be a founded belief; it's situational and dependent upon the person you're with. It's also a function of both you and the other person, depending also on how you view yourself.

In my experience, opening yourself up in such a way allows the other person to trust you more and so it builds upon itself. But that implies that you need trust to establish trust. It's just a tricky situation.

I place no value judgment on being guarded in general, but I often wish I were capable of being more open myself and it's something that I'm working on.

 

[Snow Turtle]

Thanks for the replies. It's certainly given me something to think about, especially the last paragraph.

I was asking another person today whether they could become close friends with somebody who was completely open about their life with others. Because people derive a sense of friendship out of the whole "Only I know this secert therefore I must be close"

Their answer was no, they didn't think so.

 

[garbage]

Their answer was no, they didn't think so.

I guess this is true, too! If you hand your trust out too freely, others can see it as meaningless.

 

[Tallulah]

I have to really trust someone before I'll open up--and that trust includes the assurance that if I share things about myself that they won't go blabbing to the free world. I guess I share, but I share very, very selectively.

 

[Moiety]

My safety mechanism is to talk about almost every aspect of myself, often making a joke out of it. This way I'm not rejected because people already assume I'm crazy for being so in-your-face.

I do find I tend to kid myself in a way. I often paint a "i don't care about anything" picture to people, and I actually believe it myself, only to realize that's not always the truth when the shit hits the fan. So I might be effectively hiding my true self in a way even though I'm have no problem to talk about my soul to others.

 

[Risen]

I give as much info about myself as others need to know to understand me (or what I want to be understood). I end up not saying a great deal about myself to people I don't know since my views tend to be very different from those held up in today's society/ my generation.

 

[Nonsensical]

Whenever people get in my grill, instead of answering things in my own true words and feelings, I usually give a concrete statement, which supplies them with the bare minimal. I don't like to talk deeply to people I'm not close with..and I don't like to express my inner self in front of them, so I usually wing it, and shoot something out that I don't necessarily agree with.

 

[Totenkindly]

...People often feel closer to you if you reveal something important/secret or open up to them. Yet if you are fully exposed, what exactly happens then?

Is it ever possible to be fully exposed?

 

[Nonsensical]

Is it ever possible to be fully exposed?

I don't think anyone in this world, other than you, will ever know even half of you. Everything is shallow..no matter what the subject be..because it's nearly impossible to get a message across fully through words, artwork, music, actions, etc. These may seem like great ways to express ones self, but everyone takes it differently.

 

[nozflubber]

Hm. Not sure if others have experienced this feeling before. Even if it's part of the introverts nature to keep things to himself.

Right I'm scared of giving too much information away about myself. You could say it's the fear of rejection, except it's not because I'm scared others will reject me for the content. Rather it's the belief that if I tell others everything, I'll reach a certain point where I have nothing left to add. Is this a false belief?

People often feel closer to you if you reveal something important/secret or open up to them. Yet if you are fully exposed, what exactly happens then?

Actually, You're very likely not alone in this department. I've offended what I think to be an ISFJ or ESFJ (ENFJ or whatever, doesn't even matter) because she said I "anaylzed her too much" the first time we met her. We (group of friends sittin around chatting) had drinks at Chilis and I thought we had a good time, I was friendly and all, but apparently she REALLY didn't like the fact that I OPENLY expressed how much of her I could see right away.

I can understand not wanting to reveal things, but at the same time, you wear who you are like a badge on your shoulders, one way or another. Even if you reveal nothing, that reveals a lot, yanno

 

[Snow Turtle]

Actually, You're very likely not alone in this department. I've offended what I think to be an ISFJ or ESFJ (ENFJ or whatever, doesn't even matter) because she said I "anaylzed her too much" the first time we met her. We (group of friends sittin around chatting) had drinks at Chilis and I thought we had a good time, I was friendly and all, but apparently she REALLY didn't like the fact that I OPENLY expressed how much of her I could see right away.

I can understand not wanting to reveal things, but at the same time, you wear who you are like a badge on your shoulders, one way or another. Even if you reveal nothing, that reveals a lot, yanno

Hm. I wouldn't like to be exposed straight off the bat... especially in front of other people. The whole issue with wanting to control how much information goes out and all that. It'd have been better to let her give away that information herself.

 

[Lady_X]

See now I have this off to a fine art - I let people think that I am an open book but really I am far from it. DOn't know why I am secretive, always have been from a child.. Is it to do with type, I'm not sure as some of the other ENFPs I have met seem pretty open and honest but then again they could be playing the game too!

I think with me it's just the way that I am.

yep...i'm the same way and i think it comes from deep hatred of being judged so...if it's not something i want someones opinion about i'll choose not to discuss it...but will talk about other things instead...i like to be open but i like to choose what to be open about and with who.

 

[nozflubber]

Hm. I wouldn't like to be exposed straight off the bat... especially in front of other people. The whole issue with wanting to control how much information goes out and all that. It'd have been better to let her give away that information herself.

Yeah, I know hehe. I learned a valuable lesson that day: Stop mentioning intuitive MBTI/personality observations in everyday life.

But I'm still watching you ....

 

[ThatGirl]

I want to reply to this thread, but I......just......cant .....do it.........

 

[Risen]

Actually, You're very likely not alone in this department. I've offended what I think to be an ISFJ or ESFJ (ENFJ or whatever, doesn't even matter) because she said I "anaylzed her too much" the first time we met her. We (group of friends sittin around chatting) had drinks at Chilis and I thought we had a good time, I was friendly and all, but apparently she REALLY didn't like the fact that I OPENLY expressed how much of her I could see right away.

I can understand not wanting to reveal things, but at the same time, you wear who you are like a badge on your shoulders, one way or another. Even if you reveal nothing, that reveals a lot, yanno

I can usually pierce through people's shell and read them quite well. However, I never make that apparent because I KNOW that makes people uncomfortable. I usually only use that level of perception when I'm being antagonized by the person. I've heard it said that INTP's can be manipulative, and I'm sure that's part of how INTP's do it, through that ability to read people like books.

 

[FDG]

Well, I think that the best thing you can do is to recognize how this psychological mechanism is completely stupid and damaging, and get rid of it.