[NT] Hurt feelings and NT's

[miss fortune]

I always laugh when stressed, upset or injured...

It annoyed most of my exes when they'd yell at me for something and I'd start laughing because they didn't think that I was taking it seriously. In all truth, I probably wasn't

 

[ceecee]

Does any NT have a bad habit of actually laughing or smiling when being called "horrible" names like, heartless or d**khead.

Yes. Often. Although many times it's said partially in jest by the people I am close to. My girlfriend just called me a cockstain via text.

 

[EcK]

I need to say it:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAASPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

 

[Salomé]

Does any NT have a bad habit of actually laughing or smiling when being called "horrible" names like, heartless or d**khead.

Those aren't terms of endearment?

 

[Sunshine]

Logic helps you achieve your goals. For example, if you want to find the kindest spouse but you based your selection on hair color, then I would call your choice illogical.

Um you didn't read my edit before you posted this.

 

[Sunshine]

I think it's a bit of misconception that NT's don't feel anything, in fact at times I can find my feelings quite overwhelming. Yes, I could play up being a hard nosed logistician all day and night, but I'd find that kind of existence ultimately very unfulfilling. Interestingly, it's the feeling side of things that surprises me about my SP friends. Love is bandied around as if it was an expected social response rather than an actual emotion.

I've no qualms in admitting I'm a bit of a romantic, and I do believe that love can exist (whether or not it is a chemical response set off by the brain is completely irrelevant). So there is no doubt in my mind that I can have hurt feelings, however the great ability of NT's to put these things into perspective helps soften the blow.

Yeah. I often go to my ENTP friends and ISTP brother for advice when I think I might have things out of perspective.

 

[Amargith]

Yeah. I often go to my ENTP friends and ISTP brother for advice when I think I might have things out of perspective.

That's one of the reasons we love 'em

 

[Sunshine]

Er I mean it's not like anyone has perfect perspective all of the time but...

 

[Sunshine]

Those aren't terms of endearment?

Hey I like your avatar!

 

[Valiant]

My feelings can get hurt if someone I have let inside my protective systems, and shown my true self, states that he/she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I don't care that much for what people think of my facade, but when someone runs away from the warmth I have saved for a select few, it almost kills me.

 

[Amargith]

My feelings can get hurt if someone I have let inside my protective systems, and shown my true self, states that he/she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I don't care that much for what people think of my facade, but when someone runs away from the warmth I have saved for a select few, it almost kills me.

Mmm...so does it make sense to you then that the people you call 'emo' and skip the holding up of a facade are therefore hurt quite badly and easily sometimes?

 

[Siegfried]

Mmm...so does it make sense to you then that the people you call 'emo' and skip the holding up of a facade are therefore hurt quite badly and easily sometimes?

I do see what you mean, it has to be taken into consideration, on the internet its hard to tell. I think the bad things tend to hurt more, due to being NFP, also on side lack of proportionately and the other lack of understanding of impact, but the good comments are not as effective, because it lacks the warmth of normal tone and expression in real life, at least it seems to me. So like in RL I can give really loads of support and stuff.

 

[Amargith]

Mmm, hadn't even considered it specifically geared towards the forum and the internet, but yeah, you have a point

 

[Siegfried]

Mmm, hadn't even considered it specifically geared towards the forum and the internet, but yeah, you have a point

Ooops, haha, Ive been thinking on different angles lately went abit off topic, Im blaming those silly brain training games. Yea, I think those, who present a facade or wall, tend to brush things off more easily, like they brush away who they are inside away emotionally potentially, while those who display their true selves can get hurt more, at the same time they connect more deeply, more often. Overall I think its better to remain true to who you are, even if it has drawbacks.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

The NTs I know have feelings that get hurt as often as mine do, just about different things. The most common way that my feelings are hurt is when someone is being rude to me or others close to me. The most common way for my NT friends' feelings are hurt is when they are made to believe they are incompetent in some way.

I wasn't aware there was such a sharp NT/NF divide until I got into MBTI. Everyone just seemed like...themselves to me.

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

Oh, we do get hurt, but just not as "easy" as others or just not about the same things and in the same situations I guess.
Current example.
Somebody just left MSN and had a status message going: Those on my list, who mean something to me, will be added to a new email.
He didn't add me and left MSN changing his status to: Goodbye msn.
There. It probably should bother me (since I used to like that guy a lot), but it doesn't. Because I think to myself if he doesn't like me after all I have done for hime it's his problem, not mine. I did my best, but I dun need to run after people who obviously don't want me in their life. Not anymore. Also I expected this anyways. I just know people. *shrug*

Additionally, when I am hurt, I will recover incredibly fast, just because there is not much sense to me in being hurt for - I don't know - days, weeks, months or whatever.
But that's just me. I can't say how much this goes for other NTs.

 

[Totenkindly]

Current example.
Somebody just left MSN and had a status message going: Those on my list, who mean something to me, will be added to a new email.
He didn't add me and left MSN changing his status to: Goodbye msn.
There. It probably should bother me (since I used to like that guy a lot), but it doesn't. Because I think to myself if he doesn't like me after all I have done for hime it's his problem, not mine. I did my best, but I dun need to run after people who obviously don't want me in their life. Not anymore. Also I expected this anyways. I just know people. *shrug*

Yeah, that sort of thing would leave me feeling the same way -- a little twinge of hurt because I didn't make the list, but if it was just part of my casual friend/acquaintance circle... not a big deal. They have every right to limit their own circle to the people they can invest in; it's not personal.

Now if it was someone who I thought I was really close to -- we've had deep conversations together and a consistent pattern of relationship -- and suddenly they just chop me out, that would throw me a bit.

Additionally, when I am hurt, I will recover incredibly fast, just because there is not much sense to me in being hurt for - I don't know - days, weeks, months or whatever.

I thought it more a P thing for me, I just flex to the situation eventually.
I can't stay hurt for a really long time, even if I would want to.
I just adjust.
It's like there's a stable middle, and any intensity of emotion is a draw away from it, like pulling on something attached to a long rubber band; and if emotional energy is not continually getting put into the system to keep me away from the center, the rubber band pulls it back to the middle and I stabilize in fairly short order.

The NTs I know have feelings that get hurt as often as mine do, just about different things. The most common way that my feelings are hurt is when someone is being rude to me or others close to me. The most common way for my NT friends' feelings are hurt is when they are made to believe they are incompetent in some way.

If I know I screwed up, then it's okay -- that's not a big deal.
If I'm accused of incompetence when I know I'm not, I get really upset.

 

[GargoylesLegacy]

Now if it was someone who I thought I was really close to -- we've had deep conversations together and a consistent pattern of relationship -- and suddenly they just chop me out, that would throw me a bit.

Well, we did have that. But I am just done running after people. I used to do that a lot some years ago. I would even change myself to fit those peoples needs but that's complete BS to do.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't care if a dear friend or a special person just leaves. I mean I would fight and talk to them; try to solve the problem. But I also know when it's useless. I forgave this guy quite a lot, I did a lot for him but if he can't value it I might get hurt, but the "kiss my ass" attitude is still stronger than the wound. You get the idea.

If I know I screwed up, then it's okay -- that's not a big deal.
If I'm accused of incompetence when I know I'm not, I get really upset.

Yeah, same for me.

 

[Geoff]

Well, we did have that. But I am just done running after people. I used to do that a lot some years ago. I would even change myself to fit those peoples needs but that's complete BS to do.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't care if a dear friend or a special person just leaves. I mean I would fight and talk to them; try to solve the problem. But I also know when it's useless. I forgave this guy quite a lot, I did a lot for him but if he can't value it I might get hurt, but the "kiss my ass" attitude is still stronger than the wound. You get the idea.


Yeah, same for me.

I would have said the status messages were calculated and intended to hurt.

 

[Totenkindly]

Well, we did have that. But I am just done running after people. I used to do that a lot some years ago. I would even change myself to fit those peoples needs but that's complete BS to do.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't care if a dear friend or a special person just leaves. I mean I would fight and talk to them; try to solve the problem. But I also know when it's useless. I forgave this guy quite a lot, I did a lot for him but if he can't value it I might get hurt, but the "kiss my ass" attitude is still stronger than the wound. You get the idea.

Yeah. Hard to tell. It really depends on the specific relationship. I think there are just some unspoken rules for each relationship that both people intuitively know (or, when they don't, someone gets hurt).

There are people I do have some decent and even intimate conversations with online, but the relationship has always been fluid, and sometimes when the conversation is spent, it just drops and we don't talk for weeks/months. (Usually this is more with T sorts that I experience this ability to drop without much hurt feeling. It's not like we are no longer "friends" but it's just understood that life has moved on and we're in different paths and they need their freedom and I need mine and we don't engage anymore.)

So when someone does housecleaning, it's not as big a deal as someone who engaged on something that felt far more personal.

But again, you're right, there's just a sense of autonomy and not trying to hold people in thrall. you let it go and move on.

I would have said the status messages were calculated and intended to hurt.

Well, now that I look at it again, the phrase "who mean something to me" is unnecessary if one is just cleaning house. So yes, it could be a bit of a below-the-belt jab (i.e., "You should have been closer to me but you screwed up, so I'm cutting you out, and this is my way of poking you about it so you know why you're getting cut")... but... yeah... again... so the guy is being a bit of a jerk. Not much else to do but get over it and let it go, there is nothing really to salvage.