I see your post and understand perfectly what your saying. It seems it is a big clash between us, even if I recognize your example in the bottom with my own Ni to some extent. Though I do get the feeling that whatever I say is not good enough or will never be good enough, because I'm focused at "do the right thing" (works in the moment) and your focused at "be yourself" (longtime happiness).
I have an ISFP friend that I've hung with awhile now and he actually seem to appreciate alittle of my confidence (as long as we have the same opinions).
Am I fair?
I appreciate it more as I understand it more. I think as soon as I realised what an INFJ was I appreciated it more. For some reason ENFP can really mistype INFJs and their intentions, maybe because your first four functions are completely foreign to us. And because we normally approach situations by reading intentions and have a decent amount of confidence in our perceptions, it can cause trouble when they see mixed stuff and get confused. Like we read that you have good intent and don't want to harm us or anyone else, but on one level you ring ENFP alarm bells, like it's too calm there must be a catch, or when are they going to pull out the gun, hehe. It might be our reaction to the judging function. It's quite strange.
I wouldn't worry about being good enough. The fact we don't have a good enough measurement is more the problem. That is another thing lost in translation. We just don't stop exploring or place limits on what we question. Thing is you don't have to care, because it is for our own entertainment and enlightenment, rather than to judge you. If we aren't doing it consciously and saying it, it is happening subconsciously anyway. It doesn't really turn off. Luckily ENFPs are pretty non-judgmental and aren't competitive or achievement based. If someone says that guy is a bisexual sociopath with 5 arms who wants to take over the world, we say cool, I've never met one of them before. The more intricate and weird you are the better
. The more we see of something the more we appreciate and love it for what it is.
Just to clarify though. The times when we will get judgy it will be about control or interpersonal stuff. If we think anything is destructive to people around you on a more than superficial level or is restricting them from reaching their potential, then we judge. But we judge on that action, not on the fact you are also something else that society disapproves of. And we don't hold judgment on that action later unless we believe it is present again. The whole no two situations are the same thing.
