[NT] How do NT women differ from NT men?

[ZiL]

Seriously...there's about 8 billion things I would think of doing before going to battle. I'll leave that to the fool-bros any day.

 

[kaboom]

NT women learn to fake some F to survive in society and that helps us develop that function better (fake it till you make it).

I learned this trick as a child. I had a probable INFP Dad and an ESFJ Mom. They assumed I was holding in emotion that I simply didn't have.
I still try and fake it at times..or give what I think would be the correct response.

A person said to me yesterday that they had been fighting a migraine all day. I said "Oh I'm sorry."
She responded it was no one's fault.
I told her I was trying to give an "empathetic and feeling response and quit messing up my efforts!"

 

[Totenkindly]

A person said to me yesterday that they had been fighting a migraine all day. I said "Oh I'm sorry." She responded it was no one's fault. I told her I was trying to give an "empathetic and feeling response and quit messing up my efforts!"

Good for you!

Yup, you gave the "socially appropriate" response. You're saying you feel bad for them, rather than the literal "It's my fault, forgive me."

There are a lot of social subtleties like that, that women are typically more likely (and expected) to learn, where men are not.

 

[booyalab]

A person said to me yesterday that they had been fighting a migraine all day. I said "Oh I'm sorry."
She responded it was no one's fault.
I told her I was trying to give an "empathetic and feeling response and quit messing up my efforts!"

I hate when I try to show empathy with an "I'm sorry. That sucks." and people respond "It's not your fault". I want to slap them and say "NO SHIT. I'm trying to be empathetic, you douche!" So yeah, I'm not really cut out for it. Usually I just say "I know." with a slight tinge of disdain. It works OK.

 

[Totenkindly]

I hate when I try to show empathy with an "I'm sorry. That sucks." and people respond "It's not your fault". I want to slap them and say "NO SHIT. I'm trying to be empathetic, you douche!" So yeah, I'm not really cut out for it.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

 

[Mycroft]

Men are brain-damaged at birth.
Doesn't everybody know this?

This generalization is demonstrably false.

Numerous nations don't practice circumcision as an institution.

 

[Salomé]

I hate when I try to show empathy with an "I'm sorry. That sucks." and people respond "It's not your fault". I want to slap them and say "NO SHIT. I'm trying to be empathetic, you douche!" So yeah, I'm not really cut out for it. Usually I just say "I know." with a slight tinge of disdain. It works OK.

I'm sorry. That sucks.

Excellent!

There are a lot of social subtleties like that, that women are typically more likely (and expected) to learn, where men are not.

Actually, I disagree. And not just to have an opposing viewpoint to booya - although that is its own reward .

I don't observe that particular ritual. I hate it when people say "I'm sorry" in response to hearing bad news. It's just a knee-jerk reaction. It's saying something to have something to say and I hate that.

- "My dad died, I just found out I have a brain tumour and my house is being repossessed."

- "I'm sorry".

How does that help, exactly?

If you don't have something authentic and meaningful to say, don't say anything. 'Tis my philosophy.
(Other than on this forum, of course).

 

[booyalab]

You must sense insincerity everywhere if you think someone has to say everything in the most unique way possible in order to mean it.

BTW, I just pegged the reason for my annoyance with your choice of words. I mean, empathy is accessible to everyone- T or F. But authenticity? As an NT women, I don't give a crap about that. Honesty, yes. But authenticity is bullshit.

 

[Salomé]

^ I intuit it everywhere, yes.

"Authenticity is bullshit". That's going into my next sig.

 

[Totenkindly]

Excellent!

I have to admit, I was damn near impressed by myself with that one.

Actually, I disagree. And not just to have an opposing viewpoint to booya - although that is its own reward .

I'd allow it if you wanted.

I don't observe that particular ritual. I hate it when people say "I'm sorry" in response to hearing bad news. It's just a knee-jerk reaction. It's saying something to have something to say and I hate that.

- "My dad died, I just found out I have a brain tumour and my house is being repossessed."

- "I'm sorry".

How does that help, exactly?

That's the response I had when I was younger. I remember walking across campus and hearing people say "Whassup?" and I was really angry all the time, feeling like they really didn't care and it was all pretense or mindless.

Coming at it from our natural perspective, it is; it's devoid of literal content.

Consider it like social glue, however. You're basically investing a small bit of glue to the social network and showing that you have positive intent towards othersr. That's what it does. It creates a general atmosphere of connection instead of a world of silence.

If that doesn't make sense yet, I can try to explain more. Or maybe Protean would like to.

"Authenticity is bullshit". That's going into my next sig.

Do you REALLY mean that?

 

[Salomé]

That's the response I had when I was younger. I remember walking across campus and hearing people say "Whassup?" and I was really angry all the time, feeling like they really didn't care and it was all pretense or mindless.

Coming at it from our natural perspective, it is; it's devoid of literal content.

Consider it like social glue, however. You're basically investing a small bit of glue to the social network and showing that you have positive intent towards othersr. That's what it does. It creates a general atmosphere of connection instead of a world of silence.

If that doesn't make sense yet, I can try to explain more. Or maybe Protean would like to.

It makes sense, intellectually, to me now - I really struggled with it when I was younger too.

But it doesn't connect me to others, because I still resent being on the receiving end of it, and if I do it myself, I feel like a fraud - which further alienates me from others, on any level other than a superficial one.

Now taht sucks.

 

[MacGuffin]

While I always felt like a fraud when I used them, most of my problems with social niceties stemmed from me being off in my head and not noticing them coming from others.

Actually using them when I noticed wasn't a problem. It's not rocket science.

 

[Salomé]

It's not rocket science.

That's the problem.

 

[Totenkindly]

But it doesn't connect me to others, because I still resent being on the receiving end of it, and if I do it myself, I feel like a fraud - which further alienates me from others, on any level other than a superficial one.

With me, first came the feeling that it was helpful to others if not to myself; and now it DOES help me some, I appreciate hearing that someone cares enough just to give me that cue.

That's better than being completely ignored, as I used to feel about my life. yes, it's a little thing, but for me it's bigger than for some others, maybe.

Now taht sucks.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

 

[runvardh]

That's the problem.

Ever had a relationship with an F?

Try one mature enough to understand you, but still young enough to not be worried about settling down. Open your Ne to observing and go with it.

 

[Salomé]

Ever had a relationship with an F?

Try one mature enough to understand you, but still young enough to not be worried about settling down. Open your Ne to observing and go with it.

Why do people keep trying to set me up in this thread?
I'm not looking.

 

[runvardh]

Why do people keep trying to set me up in this thread?
I'm not looking.

Set you up... with who? Half the time I'm joking around on this thread, but the above was more of a random suggestion.

 

[Salomé]

Set you up... with who? Half the time I'm joking around on this thread, but the above was more of a random suggestion.

Yeah, pretty random.

Perhaps I'm confusing this one with the other threads where people feel the need to give me unsolicited relationship advice then.
Thanks, but, no thanks.

 

[Orangey]

Yeah, pretty random.

Perhaps I'm confusing this one with the other threads where people feel the need to give me unsolicited relationship advice then.
Thanks, but, no thanks.

Now that's the type of attitude that will lose you a man.






(P.S. - it made me feel dirty to type this, even in jest)

 

[Salomé]

Now that's the type of attitude that will lose you a man.

I'm relying on it.