[MBTI General] How to sustain a conversation that you have no interest in?

[Synarch]

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

This book was a revelation to me at age 12. I think ENTP's need a system for understanding others.

 

[BlackOp]

So you're old enough to remember that commercial?


How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie


My suggestion:
Learn to not be so selfish and self-centered because it's offensive and/or hurtful to other people.
That's what I had to do.

It reads like a manual on how to manipulate others...the working title could have been "how to make people whitewash your fence...and enjoy doing it". I dont have the "used car salesman" temperament. I think premeditating my approach would be selfish and self-centered.

Maybe I could give it a shot....I was asking for advice after all.

 

[Synarch]

It reads like a manual on how to manipulate others...the working title could have been "how to make people whitewash your fence...and enjoy doing it". I dont have the "used car salesman" temperament. I think premeditating my approach would be selfish and self-centered. Maybe I could give it a shot....i was asking for advice.

Again, I think this is the introvert reluctance to influence social externalities. Manipulation in popular conversation is a loaded term, but by definition it is value neutral. If your aim is true, your goals are noble and open handed, and you are respectful of the individual, must manipulation be an evil? Let me put it another way, do you never express a feeling or sentiment with a desired outcome in mind? Do you never communicate with another to achieve closeness or friendship? You seem to be saying that consciously acting with such goals in mind is manipulative. Likewise, Carnegie does not condone dishonesty. I believe he states this emphatically in the opening chapters. Only the pure of heart should proceed.

 

[01011010]

Don't talk. Play Chess.

 

[Haphazard]

Just smile and nod until they hit on something interesting.

If they never hit on something interesting, try not to have to talk to them again.

 

[entropie]

This book was a revelation to me at age 12. I think ENTP's need a system for understanding others.

You should make a thread about that or at least explain yourself further.

That is indeed good stuff

 

[substitute]

Can anyone share "tips" on how to circumvent my true nature (intj). Finding boring people interesting. It seems this is the one thing I have trouble mastering. I have tried everything and it just gets worse.......:hi: My best buddy (istj) can do this effortlessly.....uncanny in his ability to connect with people. I think he is just selfishly lying to them but he doesnt see it like that.

Few people are genuinely boring. Almost everyone has secrets, skeletons in their closets, or things in their past or quirks that are intriguing.

A lot of people though, keep all of this inside, and only reveal it to a select few.

A lot of people are waiting for you to show some sign of opening up yourself, before they spill their 'interesting' parts to you.

I find that, in seemingly recklessly confessing something myself, this tends to result in the other person being somewhat disarmed, their barriers temporarily broken down, and they can reveal things that give you a 'way in' to get to their interesting parts. It doesn't have to be a 'shocking' confession, just something human and fallible... often just something mundane, sharing a mundane part of your life makes them suddenly start to open up. I've had it once where I've been trying to get someone to be interesting without success, then when I mentioned I had to pick up my car from the garage cos thieves broke into it the night before, it triggered a conversation wherein I recklessly revealed that I used to commit car crime myself (but am not proud and have reformed), causing that person to then spill this massive catalogue of bizarre and amazing stuff they've done. And I'd previously thought they were boring

But, this works for me... it might not (you might say probably won't) work for you, as a technique.

 

[entropie]

haha posted before you

 

[substitute]

haha posted before you

you talkin' to me or chewing a brick? cos either way you're gonna break your teeth, sunshine!

Haha, no, I can't even carry that off jokingly LOL

 

[BlackOp]

It doesn't have to be a 'shocking' confession, just something human and fallible... often just something mundane, sharing a mundane part of your life makes them suddenly start to open up.

I think you are on to something. I find myself reluctant to talk about the mundane aspects of life...mainly because I dont remember them.

 

[INTJMom]

It reads like a manual on how to manipulate others...the working title could have been "how to make people whitewash your fence...and enjoy doing it". I dont have the "used car salesman" temperament. I think premeditating my approach would be selfish and self-centered.

Maybe I could give it a shot....I was asking for advice after all.

I know the title "sounds" like that, but it's really just understanding how the people to whom it comes easy, do it.

 

[substitute]

It's a funny thing, y'know... I often encounter it. Someone asks how to do something, then a person comes along to whom it comes naturally, who's really good at it, and they describe how they do it... and then what happens?

BAM!

That person is then accused of 'forcing' their ways of being on others, and the person who asked the question in the first place, well, they assert how just cos something works for that person it doesn't mean it works for THEM...

And all the while I'm thinking like weren't you asking how to do something that was, in the first place, admittedly outside your usual remit? Therefore, how do you think you're gonna do it without going outta your comfort zone??

And they're like all, 'Nooooo I wanted to know a way whereby I could replicate exactly (for eg) ENTP behaviour, with all the advantages thereof, whilst remaining ENTIRELY true to (insert type) behaviour!!'

Tsk. People. Glad I never was one.
*Q*

 

[Haphazard]

I think you are on to something. I find myself reluctant to talk about the mundane aspects of life...mainly because I dont remember them.

Same... which tends to put me firmly on the 'listening' side of the spectrum.

Not that there's anything wrong with that side.

 

[Not_Me]

Can anyone share "tips" on how to circumvent my true nature (intj). Finding boring people interesting.

You should ask this question to all who talks to you.
.
.
.
(Just kidding)

 

[energy]

I would just close my eyes and start sleeping.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Ask lots of questions and express surprise at every third-or-fourth thing they say. Works like a charm.



Use this power only for evil.

 

[ZiL]

Ask lots of questions and express surprise at every third-or-fourth thing they say. Works like a charm.



Use this power only for evil.

Yeah, pretty much. I sort of fall in and out of attention, but I make sure, whenever I fall in, to ask a question or make a comment related to what they're saying at the moment. And I go, "Oh, uh huh" and make my eyes wide and stuff. I really don't think about this while I'm doing it either. It just happens.

 

[INA]

start saying outrageous or silly things (even if only tenuously related) to make it interesting to you. Introduce tangents. Better if it catches them off-guard.

 

[Mercurial]

Drink until perma-grin sets in.

 

[blanclait]

^
lol

anyways,
what i do is study his/her change in facial expressions. it keeps me relatively occupied. or i try excercising my fake smile