1) Context:
a) What is your age range and general location (Country so that cultural values can be taken into account)? Do you have any impairments that may affect the way that you answer this questionnaire? Any religious or political beliefs (or anything else along those lines) that also might have an effect?
I am 29 years old born and raised in the Northeastern part of the United States. I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with generalized depression/anxiety/mood disturbances that are otherwise undefined. As for as religious or political beliefs go, they don't affect how I feel about the MBTI and other personality theories.
b) Which types are you currently considering? Why are you considering them and why haven’t you decided on one?
I'm quite sure that I am an ENFJ simply because Fe dominant sounds the most like me. I am somewhat considering sensor types in case I am not an NF type that I feel I identify with for so many years. I also have had people insist that I am an INFP. I haven't decided on one completely because I am always coming across new information that makes me wonder as to which type I could possibly be.
2) What do you deem as your purpose in life?
Finding freedom and peace from suffering. It's super generalized, because the subject term 'suffering' is not pin pointed as to one defining moment in my life that was traumatizing or something I want to flee from to this day, but rather a series of less than fortunate events in my life that leaves me with a deep desire to escape to a place (or to a person, or a concept, etc) that I can finally feel to be able to rest in, feel safe, and not feel pain or fear ever again.
3) Of the seven deadly sins, which one(s) do you relate to the most and the least and why?
The most I would say.. Sloth. I've let a lot in life fly past me and I am just now able to say that I am finally taking life into my own hands. I'm not sure what is it about me that is so apt to being lethargic in general, or why I have a tendency to procrastinate excessively. The least I would say Pride, because it is defined as "Also known as hubris (from ancient Greek ὕβÏις), or futility, it is identified as dangerously corrupt selfishness, the putting of one's own desires, urges, wants, and whims before the welfare of other people.", and if there's one thing that stands out about me to other people, is that I definitely put myself last, to the point of detriment or putting myself into active danger. I find this is easing up with age, though.
4) Analyzing your relationships with others, briefly describe:
a) The type of people you are drawn to I like people who are hard to pin down. It's not so much that I liken it to a challenge that I must pursue them to yank the mask off and see who they are underneath, but that because I myself don't always feel like I belong much of anywhere, I enjoy meeting people who are just.. Elusive? Enigmatic? Unafraid? Different? Because I don't feel that usual strong need to be charming or impressive or socially proper with them. I can just be me and that's enough. Of course, I can get along with a good amount of people in general, as it seems that I am not one to hog the limelight in many social settings (except maybe online lol i can be a bit much maybe?), and people feel chill around me.
b) The type of people who are drawn to you Many kinds, it's hard to define one that stands out the most to me. I feel like most people feel disarmed with me and an easy person to converse with.
c) The type of people you are repulsed by Either people who enjoy being cruel for the sake of it, super socially inappropriate and rude, or nerve rackingly pious or shallow.
5)What are the traits in others that you admire but you cannot emulate yourself? Elaborate. People who just do things without planning. I feel that I over plan things too much in my head and don't get enough things done. I am especially drawn to people who are active, either in mind or body, or better yet, both. Someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone, who is more daring than I am. Someone who has a much better hold of their emotions than I am.
6) Describe your relationship with the following:
a) Anger This is hard because of course, I do feel and even express anger, but it's also something I've been taught to swallow as much of it down as possible. It becomes anger turned inward instead, making me self-destructive in return. I'm learning to channel it in a healthier way these days, thankfully.
b) Shame It's.. strange to say this but I really don't have a lot to feel shame over. Guilt, sure. Shame? I'm not entirely certain as to what it is about me that I should be ashamed about. Maybe I should feel more shame? Maybe that would make me a better person? More than shame, I'm just prone to shyness, so maybe it's one of the same?
c) Fear I have a lot of this. After a turbulent childhood and assaults suffered in my adolescent and young adult years, I'm still racked with it on the inside. I am fearful of trusting people again. I am fearful of intimacy. I am fearful of getting close. Of getting hurt again. I am ironically attracted to this subject in regards to different art mediums, such as delving into horror movies or video games so that I can look at fear right in the face and teach myself that I do have a lot more control than I realize. I
think it's working.
d) Love/passion More than any other emotions, the most important feeling and an overarching theme of my life, I'd say. I was a hopeless romantic and though now older and bitter, I still believe that I could somehow, some way, still find my soul mate to have a very deep relationship with. I can be prone to being so into someone, I could be just a hair away from being the definition of obsessed. I think this is why I think I am a sexual instinct first and foremost, because I just want someone I could melt into, to possess, not in an abusive way, but just, have them with me and to never let go. Be in an imaginary world where it's just them and I, no one else matters anymore.
e) Conflict I hate it until I've had enough, and then there's just casualties. That made me sound brash, but.. my anger can be surprisingly explosive and harsh when pushed far enough.
7) What are some of the themes that have played a prominent role in your life (ie. A struggle you’ve been unable to conquer, ect)? Aside from lethargy or being a creepy lover girl?
I think just.. Not being able to accept myself fully or without disclaimers. I might fool some people, but I really do suffer from self confidence issues. Between all that's happened in my life, to this day, it's hard to see what is it about me that's good enough or what to be proud of, or what I really deserve (Ex: Respect in a romantic relationship), or that I am allowed to stand up for myself against those who seek to control me. I wish I could just see that I don't have to do so much just to be seen as a good person. I wish I could just accept my limitations without letting it get to my head that I am too incompetent to do practical things in life. I wish I could stop comparing myself to other people, or not to feel jealousy when I see someone else who has the person I want, or seeing them being good at socializing better than I could ever hope to be. At being "normal".. I can't do it, and it hurts.
Oh, and one last thing that I almost forgot, but a repeated issue I've had all my life, was that I am always following someone else's expectations of me, and I never knew who I was or what I should be all about, until pretty much last year after leaving a violent marriage. I don't want to have to follow someone else's advice about how I should live my life ever again.
8) Answer only one of the following:
a) [College aged and above] What is your area of work/study? Why did you choose this and would you change it? If so, what would be your ideal?
I'm going into game design. I choose this because it's something I grew up with, having brothers around my age, and a father who were all heavily into it as well as with all things computer related. I was always into creative pursuits, but did not felt like I deserved to have something to feel happy with, and it didn't helped that I wasn't raised with loving parents who believed in me, so I went towards other routes.. unhappily and unsuccessfully.
9) When meeting a new person, what do you tend to focus on? Their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I like knowing that there are edges in them that I can soothe somehow, or feel I can relate or identify with, to help them feel less lonely. I don't like every day topics because of this, though I force myself to have them just to keep the peace. I really enjoy speaking with people about things that might be a little uncomfortable at times, such as challenging their belief systems, traumatic life events, and so on.
10) How do you feel about humanity as a whole? What do you feel are some of the biggest problems the human race faces and why? I don't feel like answering this because these are loaded questions. Feels mean to say it, but I just don't know how to answer these kinds of questions..
11) What are some of your hobbies and interests? Art, writing, reading and studying, playing video games, traveling pre-covid, TV/movie binges (I'm currently in love with Black Mirror, as reference.), yoga, tarot reading, pop psychology, some politics here and there, and of course my relationships with other people.
13) How do you usually “hang out†with your friend(s)? When answering, think about what activities you tend to choose, whether you hang out with one person at once or many, whether or not you initiate the interaction.
Oooooooh, question number 12 doesn't exist!
Pre-covid, I enjoy kicking back with a beer with people, either at a pub or someone else's place. I enjoy hosting movie nights. Road trips are great. Keeping up with people online is a must for me, though I no longer have any social media accounts until further notice. I initiate conversations maybe half the time, but it's mostly other people who invite me out to do things with them. I like small groups, mostly, and I still end up speaking with one or two out of the group intensely because they said or did something that caught my attention and then I can't stop thinking about them, either romantically or platonically lol.
14) What is more important, actions or words? Why?
Words because I'm such a wimp for pretty words.
15) Oh dear, you’ve been cursed by a witch! It’s ok though, you get a choice on which curse you will receive. Will you choose….
b) To be immortal
Elaborate on why!
All the other choices suck, that's why. To be immortal would be super interesting, though I can imagine how heartbreaking it'd feel to see all the people I get close to dying as I continue to outlive everybody. But hey, at least I can enjoy what the future brings.
16) What do you hope to avoid being? If it helps, describe a person who embodies what you avoid/you as a villain, ect.
Someone who has given up all hope and lives a very empty life, devoid of pleasure or any deep meaning. To have lived a life in vain, a story not worth telling.
17) How do you relate to obsession? Do you tend to "merge" with others or your interests? How do you feel about the idea of doing this?
I do have a tendency to have strong passions for a person or an interest, probably because I feel incredibly lonely in a world that doesn't seem designed for someone like me. No, I will not elaborate on this because it'll get too personal, too quickly, but there it is. So whenever I find someone or something that symbolizes a part of me that doesn't feel so freakish or unloved, I just sink into it, because I am scared I will lose them (And I do, naturally.), and be lonely once more.
18) Organized or messy? Plans and blueprints or impulse and surprises? What are you preferences and tendencies? I'm.. both. It depends. I don't know.
19) How do you subjectively view comfort and how do you create comfort in your life and surroundings?
It's not that important to me, to be honest. I feel like I actually ignore things that comforts me. I don't know how to explain it. I've gone hours without sleep or eating before. I've dehydrated myself. Closed myself off from the outside world for days or even weeks at a time. I'd go out without proper clothing protection and end up getting sick. I'd walk on an injurious foot and try to ignore the pain. I feel like other people can create a more comfortable experience than I can.
I hope this is enough information but let me know, [MENTION=29921]awbro[/MENTION]
We can have a discussion about it, if you like.
Future-focused, you know what that means! Right? Right? Intuitive, in my mind!
