What do you feel when you are physically violent?

[Maou]

I am curious to know the "normal" range of emotions this act encites in others. Now I am not talking indiscriminate violence, but against someone you hate or they hurt you, or are a threat in some way. Do you feel angry during as well as before? Do you feel sad, and want to stop? Do you enjoy it?

I myself find the idea of physical violence to create extreme emotional and physical activation. I believe its connected to my PTSD, because of this. My imagination is way more vivid when I am imagining anger and acts of violence than any other emotion. To the point I can feel the pain in my hands and body of my imagined struggle. I actually don't feel anything but a pure desire to destroy the target, or a mix of joy and despair. This is why I do not let myself get angry. Even when someone deserves it, and thank god the people who piss me off are usually online lol. Very few incure my wrath offline, as I usually do not associate with those kinds of people.

 

[Earl Grey]

Oh dear. If it has managed to get to that point, I'd really have lost it, in terms of anger. Once I get back to my senses, I'd prefer to stop.
Otherwise, I know martial arts, so it feels just like catching a book falling off a bookcase, emotionally speaking. Or trying to stop a child from smacking you, or something. Something is coming, and you stop it. I am not physically violent without cause.

If it comes to that, I'd probably see it as necessary, but ... I've barely gone there at all, unless you count things like grabbing someone by the wrist, usually to have them listen (usually enough to intimidate them into silence). The main point is to get them to listen, and most people can be talked to without resorting to that.

If they had harmed me first somehow, I'd probably feel indignant. I wouldn't know now really. That doesn't really happen, having people be physically violent against me, that is. The amount of people I hate are extremely few, but we don't meet nor talk. I would certainly feel angry if they tried getting physical with me, but they already know that it'd be a terrible idea to, to begin with.

There were times I was bullied in high school, but ... it's more funny than angering.

 

[Schrödinger's Name]

It's hard for me, almost impossible it seems to become physically violent. But the two times I've been physically violent. Well, the first time I was 11, it was more like 'blind rage'. I didn't really feel sorry, since I felt that the person I hit deserved it. I was pretty mad though. And cried after it to gain more attention, to make them feel guilty. (To make things clear; the adult in this story hit me first -in the eye, with a towel, which might also explain the blindness-. I just hit them back. :'))

The second one was more out of fear/self-defense. Surprisingly, I actually didn't feel anything. It was more like a reflex and I hit him before I even knew it. He hit me back. Then I just slowly backed off and... very carefully, to try not to 'trigger' anything. Even after that I didn't really feel scared, or angry. Only the thought that I could still come across him on my way home (since he was walking in that direction) was something I was cautious of. But it felt surreal, as if you're on autopilot.
The only thing I regret here is that I bitch slapped him. Though he was a perfect mirror since he just bitch slapped me back, could've ended worse. :')

I can in some way relate to 'imagining that you want to hurt someone'. But I don't feel it in my body. No physical sensations. It really annoys me when friends call me 'violent' because of this since I don't even become violent, but I do speak out these thoughts sometimes (that I want to hit/kick/stab someone -no I don't carry a knife lol, and I don't really want to stab someone even if I could-). But I know I would never act on it, I feel physically restricted. But, talking about it is a way for me to blow off some steam.

As an example; at a concert of BMTH, I lost my friend. I didn't bother looking for them but I ended up standing in front of some very annoying people. They kept pushing me, in my back. At first I thought it was by accident but they continued... It drove me crazy. I started to imagine how I would brutally punch them in their face, to make their nose bleed and laugh about it. That- hah!
Now they could use their face as a new 'cover' for the BMTH shirts. Look at you? We've created a new design together! How cool! You should be thankful for me, that I punched you in your face.

I was completely ready for it ya know? I was going to fcking deck them. Throw them on the floor...

So, I turn around and...

"C-c-can... you- ple..ase s-s-sto... do-in... th- ... ???"

*awkwardly turns away*

Jup... At least I tried right? Next time without stuttering, finish your sentence,... maybe then the "I will deck you!" might follow lmao.

They stopped pushing me tho, so I must have made an impression. :')

When people become physically aggressive towards me I remove myself from the situation and I stay again, pretty calm. I am rather annoyed/disdained by their aggressive behavior. It's ridiculous to behave like that. (Though I understand, when people can't find the right words... A fist in the face might be more clear from time to time)
Must say that the 'staying' calm is not something I do on purpose, it's just the way I am. And I prefer to keep it like that. (Though I sometimes imagine how it must feel to let that rage goooo... How it would feel to punch someone/something out of anger. Release them emotions. As far for the pushing things -a pillow par example-, I wish I could do that.)

 

[The Cat]

 

[The Cat]

No one wants it to come to that.

 

[rav3n]

Not into physical violence but I do recall the attempted rape. He was over a foot taller and around 100 lbs heavier. Time moved in slow motion, everything crystal clear. Rage and fear. Fight and flight. I felt no pain, even though I was plenty roughed up. My knee came up at the optimum time without thought, he fell over and I ran. When safe, I shook like a leaf, teeth chattering uncontrollably. Adrenaline is insane.

 

[Maou]

Not into physical violence but I do recall the attempted rape. He was over a foot taller and around 100 lbs heavier. Time moved in slow motion, everything crystal clear. Rage and fear. Fight and flight. I felt no pain, even though I was plenty roughed up. My knee came up at the optimum time without thought, he fell over and I ran. When safe, I shook like a leaf, teeth chattering uncontrollably. Adrenaline is insane.

Yeah it is, and it can turn off your muscle limiters and you end up hurting yourself just as much as another person.

 

[rav3n]

Yeah it is, and it can turn off your muscle limiters and you end up hurting yourself just as much as another person.

Didn't hurt myself. He smacked me around.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

I'm not.

Sometimes when I'm angry, I think of nasty things I could say, but I don't. I think, when I'm angry, I can even appear completely calm most of the time unless I'm surprised by some unexpected irritation, or am just plain exhausted (which could include me being worn down by successive, consecutive irritations without time to regroup and breath).

 

[Yuurei]

Wouldn’t know.

I have this amazing new thing called ‘ self-control’.

 

[Maou]

Didn't hurt myself. He smacked me around.

No I am referring to hoe adrenalin can make you not feel pain, and do things you normally cannot. Generally speaking.

 

[Maou]

Wouldn’t know.

I have this amazing new thing called ‘ self-control’.

This isn't about self control. It is about what you feel, and if you did take action. What you feel then. Saying it like that is a bit condescending, like no one here has self control. You cannot say you never feel angry. Everyone feels angry, and people get pushed past their limits of tolerance against their will. I want to understand what people feel in that moment.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I've never been violent without provocation. Someone pushes me and I go into hulk mode. I really, really hate being touched, so by touching me unexpectedly, it gets me frazzled and antsy. Add to that the physical force that comes with violence and it makes me extra defensive and blinded by anger. Usually that flash of anger passes pretty fast and I get a hold of myself within a few moments. Then it's back to Bruce Banner mode and me trying to figure out what the hell just transpired.

One time my wife slapped me really hard in the side of the head, and I just instinctively pushed her. My physical reaction is usually to just push back when someone uses violence on me. I didn't really realize how hard I was pushing and she stumbled back into the refridgerator--I don't even think I used my full push force either. I immediately caught myself and stopped, but had it been someone else and not her, I may have not been able to control myself. Needless to say, she has yet to be violent with me since that episode. People assume I'm a weak pushover until they provoke the beast within. I've seen the fear on grown men's faces who are bigger and supposedly stronger than me when they sensed the anger in me. To quote James Brown, I don't know karate, but I know cuh-razy.

Usually my acts of violence have been toward inanimate objects, even when I'm angry at someone in my immediate physical vicinity. It would take a lot to make me attack someone physically, and it's almost always going to be after they touched me first.

 

[Maou]

I've never been violent without provocation. Someone pushes me and I go into hulk mode. I really, really hate being touched, so by touching me unexpectedly, it gets me frazzled and antsy. Add to that the physical force that comes with violence and it makes me extra defensive and blinded by anger. Usually that flash of anger passes pretty fast and I get a hold of myself within a few moments. Then it's back to Bruce Banner mode and me trying to figure out what the hell just transpired.

One time my wife slapped me really hard in the side of the head, and I just instinctively pushed her. My physical reaction is usually to just push back when someone uses violence on me. I didn't really realize how hard I was pushing and she stumbled back into the refridgerator--I don't even think I used my full push force either. I immediately caught myself and stopped, but had it been someone else and not her, I may have not been able to control myself. Needless to say, she has yet to be violent with me since that episode. People assume I'm a weak pushover until they provoke the beast within. I've seen the fear on grown men's faces who are bigger and supposedly stronger than me when they sensed the anger in me. To quote James Brown, I don't know karate, but I know cuh-razy.

Usually my acts of violence have been toward inanimate objects, even when I'm angry at someone in my immediate physical vicinity. It would take a lot to make me attack someone physically, and it's almost always going to be after they touched me first.

I can relate to the touch trigger a lot. I have trust issues, and allowing people to touch me has to be on my terms. If that touch is unwanted, you can see just how fast I can get violent. My brother once shoved me into the cabinets in our kitchen. I don't even remember the conversation, but I annoyed him. This set me into a red tinged rage so strong, I almost committed murder, and then suicide. I was lucky I was able to divert the knife to a cutting board instead. That incident scared the shit outta me, and since then I have refused to lose control. But my rage isn't something I can control hardly at all, its more like avoiding the feeling. You rewire your thought processes to avoid going that way.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I can relate to the touch trigger a lot. I have trust issues, and allowing people to touch me has to be on my terms. If that touch is unwanted, you can see just how fast I can get violent. My brother once shoved me into the cabinets in our kitchen. I don't even remember the conversation, but I annoyed him. This set me into a red tinged rage so strong, I almost committed murder, and then suicide. I was lucky I was able to divert the knife to a cutting board instead. That incident scared the shit outta me, and since then I have refused to lose control. But my rage isn't something I can control hardly at all, its more like avoiding the feeling. You rewire your thought processes to avoid going that way.

Agreed. I've rewired myself to the point where it's now rare I take out anger in a physical manner, even toward inanimate objects. I know it's easier said than done but I've trained myself to take a step back and try to analyze before reacting.

It's a bit pavlovian because I've been able to recognize that brief acts of violence, even toward objects, never result in good "rewards" for me. Often those violent acts just lead to more stress and scrutiny from other people, which I really don't like processing and dealing with.

 

[Venus Rose]

Uhm, I am not "physically violent." Even the idea of that evokes painful gut feelings.

 

[Yuurei]

This isn't about self control. It is about what you feel, and if you did take action. What you feel then. Saying it like that is a bit condescending, like no one here has self control. You cannot say you never feel angry. Everyone feels angry, and people get pushed past their limits of tolerance against their will. I want to understand what people feel in that moment.

Oh yes, I have far angrier than you can possibly imagine, the kind of anger that comes from being told he have no choice and no right over your own life/body while you don't know damned well the worst of the worst get to do whatever they want free of repercussion. But no,, I’ve never been ‘pushed past my tolerance against my will’ at least, not to the extent that I’ve reacted violently. Sure, I’ve wanted to, but I know it’s of no long term benefit. I just make myself physically ill instead.

 

[FemMecha]

I haven't ever acted on physical violence towards a person - I haven't ever hit anyone or intentionally inflicted any sort of pain in any context on a person.

I know the following is not entirely normal, but oh well. I have gone after murders in cursing meditations and in that realm I take them in my talons and force them into these energy streams that look multidimensional to me and I let the universe do whatever it does to them. I have also summoned giant, black, spinning vortexes to drive truth into their souls. I have also thrown them against rocks and then onto a floor that feels like it is a place of universal judgment. I don't do the actual punishing in my brain, but I know the universe does.

There have been times I wanted to physically attack someone who was being mean to an animal, but I didn't do it. I just glared at them.

I just had two beers and should be doing homework, but instead I'm telling you all things you should not know

 

[Firebird 8118]

The last time I hit someone, it was my sister - for being extremely rude and hurtful towards everyone. This was a long time back though... can't even remember what year, all I remember is that it was fairly recent. And I would always get hit back by her a hundred times more.

In those rare occasions though, I've experienced an odd mix of power and guilt at the same time. It makes me feel like a monster, looking back. I try not to hit anyone but myself these days, especially in my meltdown moments...

 

[The Cat]