Replying to this quote from a different thread:
[MENTION=28353]uncrowned[/MENTION] There is a thread for sx doms...
Sexual / Intimate First Support Group
I've also heard that strengthening the blind spot is supposed to help create more balance. I'm also sx/sp. So we need to strengthen our so, which we might do (I'm saying all this, though it's not as if I've actually completely successfully done it nor am I expert in it) by going toward the brighter light, the sunshine, of broader connections. Forcing ourselves to make more connections with others who may not appeal as strongly to the sx beast.
See, the issue for me is that at my current level I don't know how to do that without the natural push-pull and without boundary issues. Things are further complicated by people misinterpreting my energy/vibe for romantic interest (men). It can make some people feel awkward while for me, I was just getting started
or didn't even feel anything towards them, not even on a platonic level... I just need to spend all that sx energy that has built up and has no release: in these cases, I don't discriminate, I just want attention and to have fun, almost anyone will do. Even people I don't even personally like, as long as they can keep up with me and I feel the chemistry.
Which reminds me of something I read about sx-first. It said something about using sx to avoid intimacy or push others away, and this ties in with developing our last instinct to calm our first one. Meaning, too much sx can bypass true intimacy, where you get to know the person over time and build something slowly, more slowly, rather than diving RIGHT IN AND OMG LET'S TELL EACH OTHER OUR DEEPEST SECRETS!!!!! I've been guilty of this bypass, especially as an sx/sp I can give the impression that I'm SUCH friends with someone, but nothing 'true' has actually been established on my end, while they feel a connection. This is precisely what allows me to be able to cut them off without feeling anything. I cut off when betrayed too, very suddenly, but in those cases I'm actually hurt. I'm talking about being so nonchalant and cold about leaving someone behind.
The other side of the "intimacy bypassing" coin is that I can purposely use sx to repel people. I know it does that on accident all the time and people will be repelled naturally, but I'm talking about intentionally scaring people away with intensity and intimidation so that they don't get too close.
So in developing our last instinct and calming the sx, we are not just reducing our neurotic desires/needs, but also sort of bringing down some of our walls.
I still don't believe sx-dom problems can totally be solved. I think at the end of the day, everyone is an "individual" and "separate" even in connection and even in being a part of something bigger (union or otherwise). Connection isn't this ongoing uninterrupted thing. I think I need to get used to this conflict within me, and that when I experience it, sometimes I don't have to "fix" it, just let it be.
It's frustrating, but I think that's the whole point of the dominant instinct, it's too much. With sx specifically, I guess you could say it fits the definition of "too muchness" more than other instincts, because it is more loud than sp-first, and more flamboyant than so-first (so-first also being more accepted in society, and thus considered normal rather than too much). And of course, personality is so complicated that whatever solutions one may come up with will have to be tailored to that individual specifically, taking into account their MBTI type, enneagram and wings, etc. etc. It isn't
simply an sx-first issue. It's how it affects and is affected by everything else in our internal landscape.